2017 - A Year of Great Change and Personal Growth

One would think that 2016 would have been our year with the most change.  I mean, we bought a house and adopted a "special needs" rescue dog!  Well, 2017 was equally a huge year of change for us, but it had a much more profound affect on my view of life.  Financial Security is something I didn't have until after I got Married and we got debt free a year later.  Then we saved and traveled, and finally bought our 1st home on April 8th of 2016.  The Blessing is that since I didn't have credit cards, my Name is on the Title, but it is not on the loan.  My Income didn't count when it came to purchasing our home.  We lived below our means, including the size/price of house we chose to buy.  Jonathan could have been approved for a more expensive house, but we didn't want to be "house poor".  

I started babysitting at the age of 12 and started buying my own clothes then.  I started working at at 16.  I worked in college, over breaks, and during the summers as well.  I started working Full Time as soon as I graduated college.  Besides for a total of 9 months throughout the years, I have always been employed Full Time.  I waitressed for 6 Months before I was finally given a job offer at LM. My job at LM was there when I needed it.  They have amazing benefits, etc.  I met my Husband there.  I will be eternally grateful that I was hired there and found Love (and Friendship) at LM!    This job was there for me when I needed it and I was employed for 9.5 years.  That's a long time for me.  The detailed work was so me, but the putting in headphones and focusing and sitting at a desk 37.5 hours a week was not a good fit for this Extrovert.  But I stayed where life was "safe and comfortable and secure".  I mean after all, I was making GOOD Money.  

Something wasn't right though.  I constantly sat there obsessing about my Mom's cancer, my BIL's Cancer, my Step Dad's Grand Mal Seizure.  All heavy stuff, right?  Well my mind literally could not stop obsessing.  Part of the reason being, was if my Family needed me and I left work 3 hours early, I would get a full incident against me.  It would be as if I hadn't shown up for work at all that day.  After like 5.75 incidents you get a verbal warning, and the consequences got stiffer the more incidents you got.  FMLA is only used for your own medical condition, or if you are the primary caregiver for a relative.  I couldn't get FMLA when Jonathan's Dad was sick and dying.  There were other Family issues that were going on at the same time too.

It all caught up to me, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  I saw my Counselor.  I saw my Dr, who I ended up firing, and I fought for my mental health.  I was on Short Term Disability, but after a short while, my Husband and I came to the conclusion, that what was best for me, was for me to resign from my job at LM.  It took 3 months to get in to see a Psych NP.  My new MD made some med changes, but my Psych NP actually put me on Aderall.   Yes, at the age of 43 I was diagnosed with ADD.  My Husband was very surprised how productive I was at home during the day.  You know why?  Because I'm a hard worker, but my ADD made it nearly impossible to focus at a desk job, not talking to people.  When it came to running errands, making appointments, etc, I was uber productive.  And you know what?  I didn't obsess about all of the cancer and illness in my Family.  I was too busy to obsess.  

It was a very long Summer waiting for approval for my STD after every Dr Appt.  Always being afraid it would be denied.  Psych issues are treated so much differently than physical issues.  I know this is 2017.....2018 in a few hours, but it's true.  I was only on STD for less than 3 months when my Husband and I reached the decision, that I needed to quit my job.  It wasn't for me.  It didn't fit my personality.  It didn't allow for me to leave and be there for my Family if they needed me.  It didn't allow for me to call in sick when I could hardly function, not if I wanted to keep the job.  I resigned as soon as we made the decision.  I resigned on August 21st and I haven't once regretted my decision.  Even my Husband says we don't really miss my income.  Why?  Because we live below our means.  My Husband is Happier.  I am Happier.  If my Sister in WI needs me, I can drive to WI.  If my Mom or Grandma need me, I can be there for them, without receiving an incident.

Lessons Learned in 2017...I mean REALLY Learned:

1.  Peace is more important than Money.

2.  Family comes first...before Money..before a Job.

3.  It takes a leap of Faith and Trust in God, but He will provide.  No...please don't quit your job if you live alone and say....well Jen said......!  I supported myself for years.  I am the saver in our relationship.

I am Happy..  I am at Peace.  I was Diagnosed with ADD.  I am a hard worker.

I started my small business called J-La-Sta's Thrifty Threads on September 26th of 2017.  I love bargain hunting!  I love meeting new people.  I love serving others.  I love having a more flexible schedule where Family comes first.  I am not making anywhere near the amount of money I made working Full Time at Liberty, but you know what?  2017 taught me that Peace is FAR more important than money!  My security rests in my Savior, not in LM, and not in the Money I received from LM.  I work my butt off now.  I may not get the same amount of money, but this job fits the flexible lifestyle I need and want now.  Thank you Jonathan, for letting me quit LM and for realizing it was the best move for us!  I Love You! :-)

I also learned that I'm stronger than I think I am.  Being mentally ill, and having sick Family Members, one learns who their true Friends are.  Thank you to those who were there for me during one of the darkest and most challenging times in my life.  Please fight for yourself and your health, because no one else will.  I had to fight hard for months to get the care I need, when I barely had the energy to get out of bed.  I had a MD (after I told her I couldn't function and I was crying in front of her nonstop) say to me "So you are going back to work tomorrow right?"  Even if your Dr doesn't get it, keep fighting to get the help you need.

Peace and Happiness are Far More Important than Money.  I am Blessed.  We are Blessed.  I've only been running my small business for 3 months, but I hope to continue to grow it in the future.  I'm a hard worker, just a hard worker with ADD and an Extroverted Personality.  I did what I had to do when I had to do it, for 9.5 years, and now......I'm doing what I GET to do.

My Goals for 2018 are to grow my Business and to lose weight I gained as a result of giving into cravings caused by new meds.  I want to be healthier again.  However, I have also learned that my weight doesn't define me.

Happy New Year Everyone!  I Hope that 2018 is a Year Full of Happiness and Blessings Beyond Measure for you!

~ J-LaSta

I Just Want to Feel Like Myself Again

Yes, parts of J-La-Sta come out every now and then.  Just bits and pieces of my goofiness, usually around Jonathan, who is one of the only people I see these days, since i am off of work.  I used to think it would be cool to be off of work for a while. But this is not how I imagined it.  Dr. Appointments, Counseling Appointments,  getting used to strong meds that make me so so tired, but not knowing if I'm even on the right ones yet.   Waiting and waiting and waiting some more to get in to see a Nurse Practitioner (Psychiatrist).  Not feeling like doing much of anything. Having a horrible memory, and not being able to talk right, ie say what I want to say.  I can't safely drive myself long distances due to the effects the meds are having on me. Jonathan says I sleep a lot, although I do make myself get up and go to bed at basically the same times every day.   I have little to no energy.  Plus, I'm still waiting to see if my short term disability from work has been approved, which adds more stress to my life.   Then the bills that are piling up from said appointments..  Yes, I'm blessed to have great insurance and I'm thankful I chose the PPO plan for the last year it's being offered.  I've already met my deductible, and it's a very low deductible comparatively.  I'm bummed that we are not going on the Mission Trip to Ecuador because we felt the Lord prodding us not to go due the current state of my mental health.  Then on top of this I worry about the serious health conditions of close loved ones.  Yes, I know God is in control, but you would worry too, trust me!  If you were in my shoes and didn't worry at all, you wouldn't be human.  Just sayin!

We all have our crosses in life to bear.  Mine just happens to be depression.  Yes I've tried it all and no, essential oils won't take it all magically away and removing sugar from my diet won't magically take it away, etc etc etc.  There is no easy fix.  I have dealt with depression since I was 16 years old.  Actually, I can even remember having it as a small child.

I was off of work for 3 weeks and went back for 4 days and couldn't handle it.  I need to be able to function at 100 percent and I wasn't there yet.  These meds are kicking my butt and I only had 1 med change at the time.  This is my 5th full week off of work.  I have worked there for 9 years.  I have worried about losing my job, but you know what?  I work to live.  I don't live to work.  If there is anything this most recent bout of depression has taught me, is that I put my job way ahead of where it should have been in the list of my priorities.  I put it above my health, above my trust in God, etc.  It has caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and I want my life to show what my priorities are.  If my Family needs me I will be there.  Work is not, nor should it be my first priority.  I want my life to show that my priorities are 1.  God.  2.  Jonathan  2.5 (half joking) Mookie  3. Family  4.  Work.  God will provide for my needs.  Jonathan and I live below our means.  Jonathan was recently blessed with a promotion at work.  We can live on his income and survive just fine.  We just wouldn't be able to bless others and travel like we love to do.

I am Jennifer Stanley, a Loved Daughter of the King.  I am not Jennifer Stanley, Technical Assistant.  My worth does not come from my job.  But you know what, I was letting my worth come from my job before this bout of depression.  I based my worth on my performance.  So maybe, just maybe, God is using this to teach me to not hold on so tightly to my job, to make me Trust that God will provide for me and that I have Jonathan now.  I'm no longer all alone in this world.  I don't know what the future holds, but God promises to take care of me.

When I first pulled up FB this Afternoon, I saw this right away:

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

"I want you to face adversity with confidence and firm determination. Because I am with you and the Holy Spirit lives in you, you have everything you need to be bold. Cowardliness is not of My kingdom. When you are feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances, remember who you are—a child of the eternal King! Invite Me into the very circumstances that are intimidating you, and let the Light of My powerful Presence strengthen you. When you choose to live courageously, I am pleased. And I respond by strengthening your heart, thus increasing your valor." —Jesus Today by Sarah Young, p. 338

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord." —Psalm 31:24 NKJV

God knew I needed to read this.  I am going to live courageously, no matter what my depressed feelings tell me, and no matter what happens with my job.  God will strengthen me and He will provide for me as he always has.

So Friends, I pray that this has given you some encouragement as well.  Life isn't easy..  We all have our crosses in life to bear.  If the grass looks greener on the other side, chances are it's not.....it only looks that way.  Not everyone opens their heart and soul like I do, but I pride myself in being real.

So, like Jonathan keeps telling me, my job right now is to get myself better.   That's it.  That's my job.  Whether I get paid for it or not.  

Thank you to my Friends who have been there to support me!  It is much appreciated!  Thank you for being His hands and feet to me.  Thank you to Jonathan for dealing with me the past few months.  I know it hasn't been easy and that this is the worse my depression has been since we've been married (almost 6 years).

To my co-workers, I hope to be back sooner, rather than later.  If you would, say a prayer that a Psychiatrist appointment would magically open up, that would help! :-)

I'm thankful for an Awesome MD who has empathy and wants to help me and knows I am trying to get better.

Most of all, Thank you to God for providing for my every need and for placing people into my life at just the right time, especially my sweet 4 legged baby, Mookie, who loves me unconditionally and follows me everywhere. 

Thanks for listening everyone!  I'll continue to keep you updated on my progress.

~J-La-Sta

6 Things I've Learned in 6 Days of My 10 Day Break From Facebook

1.  Weekends (Life in General too) are more fun and relaxing without being on Facebook.

2.  Getting together with a Friend face to face is so much more rewarding than sitting in front of my laptop on Facebook for hours on end, especially for this extrovert.

3.  I don't want to give up on Facebook completely.  It is a good way to keep in touch with the happenings in the lives of my Family and Friends.  A Friend's Mom passed away and thankfully I heard about it a few days later from another Friend.  I would have known sooner had I not been on my Facebook break.

4.  For Years I wanted to be Married.  Now that I'm Married, why have I been spending so much time on FB, on my Laptop, in another room, while my Husband was in the Living Room Watching TV? This makes no sense.   We've spent more quality time together over the past 6 days.

5.  Not everything I say or do needs to be documented on Facebook.  Somehow my followers will survive without reading that I gained .6 lbs last Saturday at weigh in.  :-)

6.  Life is short and should be lived to the fullest, not spent staring at a screen waiting for someone to like my status update.

Balance - J-La-Sta Style

Balance Is.......... 

 

 

 

• Eating 1 or 2 Servings of Edy's No Sugar Added Half the Fat Ice Cream instead of eating no ice cream at all or eating half the container.  
• Walking 10,000 Steps 5 days a week instead of not walking at all or walking 10,000 steps 7 days a week.
• Using 1 lb hand weights over my 45 minute lunch walk on Monday, Wednesday and Friday instead of not using weights at all or using them all 5 Weekdays.
• Being on Facebook a little bit each day instead of being on it all the time or giving myself a week or 2 off of FB altogether.

 

I have a long ways to go, but for being such an all or nothing person, I think I've made great strides in finding balance in my life! :-)

 

 





Life Isn't Perfect !



I went to a Wine & Canvas Event by myself over a year and a half ago.  I was trying to do the "Life Is Good" Painting.  They even had an example for us.  I started feeling immobilized because I was expecting myself to be perfect. I am not that artistic!  So then I decided I would be unique and do a different take on "Life Is Good"! :-)  I like my version of the painting better anyways! :-)

     Perfectionism.  All or nothing thinking/way of living.  It's an exhausting way to live!  I know this because I struggle with expecting myself to be perfect combined with my often all or nothing way of thinking.  If I don't think I can do it perfectly, I avoid doing it.  It keeps me stuck.  It leads to procrastination, which leads to lower self worth, since I sometimes base my worth on my successes or failures.  Not to mention the fact that perfectionism is totally unattainable this side of heaven!







     One of the things Pastor talked about at Church today was that Perfection is a barrier to serving others.  If we think we can't do it perfectly, we often choose not to serve.  That idea clicked for me because I SO get it!  I haven't cooked all that often for my Husband.  Although, kudos to me for having a home cooked meal ready for him when he got home from work on my day off! :-)  Not once have any of my meals turned out burnt, dry, hard, etc.  I CAN cook!  It's just I let my desire to be perfect get in my way.  It immobilizes me.  I allow it to immobilize me. Really any task (which is often most tasks) that seem overwhelming to me.....I often let pile up, like my laundry.  It's really not all that hard!  Just do it, Jen!  But for us perfectionists, it's not that simple.  Although I have learned that DONE is better than perfect! :-)  It's a good feeling to have accomplished something that once seemed so overwhelming! :-)

Being Pre-diabetic was overwhelming!  Having 77 lbs to lose was overwhelming!  But I did it! :-)  That's one of the reasons I have such pride in my accomplishment!  It was incredibly difficult, but I persevered!  I reached the goal I had set for my self 2-2.5 years ago.  Am I more worthy of love now that I am a person of normal weight?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  Do I feel better about myself?  Yes!  I am healthier and therefore happier being in a normal weight range.  Will it be easy to maintain this weight?  NO!! 

I will write a blog post another day about balance (which I'm striving for as I try to simplify (and reduce stress levels in) my life.  For tonight, I'm going to focus on my "imperfect progress", and continually remind myself that Christ lived and died perfectly, for me and for you, so that we don't have to be perfect! 

Facebook Is My Crack - My New Plan Of Attack!

Hello, My Name Is J-La-Sta and I am a

 

I'm sure this admission comes as no surprise to the majority of my FB followers.  Before FB, I was addicted to Internet dating.  Yes, I am now a Married woman.  No, I am NOT still addicted to Internet dating!  I don't think that would sit too well with my Husband, and understandably so! :-) 

 

• I am a very social person, so it is not surprising that I would be addicted to social media.  However, I've come to realize this about social media and in my case, Facebook:

 

In doing research on social media/facebook addiction, I've read that FB can be more addicting than drugs and alcohol.  I believe that, because it is for me!  But just as stated in the pic above, FB makes you feel that you're connecting with people when actually you're just not.  I agree that it is a form of connection with people you probably do know, or have known in real life, but it is no replacement for real human interaction, real human relationships.  

 

We've become a society that's so reliant on technology we've forgotten how to communicate with each other.We need to be not ruled by social networks. We need to go out there and actually connect to the world around us. Technology has made our life easier, but it's stopped us from connecting.We've become a disposable society; a society where relationships are no longer important. We basically use people as we use phones. We have one year contracts. It's time for us to really connect again because the world is becoming a disconnected place, right when we need each other most.  David Wygant

 

For the past few years now I've felt as if many people know what's going on in my life, without much effort on their part, because I post a lot of status updates on FB.  However, it takes more effort on my part to find out what is going on in their lives because they don't post on FB.  I have no one but MYSELF to blame!!  I think b/c I post on FB frequently, people may feel they know what is going on in my life.  Yes, they may know what is going on (although I don't post everything on FB believe it or not!), and that is the great thing about FB.  It keeps people up to date about the happenings in our lives in this very busy world.  But I miss real relationships.  Do I socialize outside of FB.  Yes!  Do I socialize enough outside of FB? No!  I want to get more connected at our Church and hopefully we will get plugged in to a Small Group soon!   

 

 

• I think one of the reasons that I'm addicted to FB is that I have a fear of missing out!  Who likes the feeling of missing out?  No one that I know!

 



          It's not facebook, its crackbook - and we all suffer FOMO. 

Summary: FOMO -- fear of missing out is keeping us addicted to our social networking sites according to a new connecting and communicating study released today.
Eileen Brown

• I think another reason that I'm addicted to FB is that I'm an approval addict as well.  Come on, admit it, does anyone else check FB to see who or how many people have "liked" your status update?  I have! Many times!

Not until I learn to remind myself of how little the opinions of others matter in deciding who I become in life will my social media addiction be entirely cured. It's not my use of the websites that trouble me, but my dependence on them to make me feel whole. Feeling complete should never be reliant on someone sitting at a computer pressing a button and accurately reflecting who I am online is impossible because no digitized photo album or self-aggrandizing "About Me" section will ever do me justice.
High School Senior
Jonathan Jacob Moore 

“Our desire for approval can only truly be met by receiving God’s acceptance and approval of us.”  Joyce Meyer 

I've put FB above my relationship with God for FAR too long.  So what am I going to do about my addiction?  With HIS help, I will overcome my addiction.  Here are the steps I've taken/will take to wean myself of this addiction.  Do I think people should quit FB altogether?  No!  I believe that when used in moderation, it can be a very handy tool for communication, encouragement, etc. 

1. Last night I created a new FB Password.  It is 15 letters/numbers long.  There is no way I could possibly remember it.  I then logged off of FB on my cell phone.  I deleted my FB and Twitter Apps on my phone. 
2. I will only use FB on the laptop, which we moved out of the living room and into our guest room.  I will have the password written down there.
3. I will start off by limiting myself to 20 minutes on FB in the morning (AFTER showering and my quiet time with God!), and I will allow myself to use FB for an hour and a half in the evening.  This is FAR FAR less time than I had been spending on it!  I will not have limits on yahoo, google, etc for now b/c I am not addicted to the Internet.  I am addicted to social media.

It’s like an eating disorder. You can’t eliminate food. You just have to make better choices about what you eat.” She added, “And what you do online.”  Katie Hafner

Please pray for me as I begin this weaning process!  I need all the prayers and encouragement I can get!  Just like I gradually weaned myself off of overeating via weight watcher's.  I will now wean myself off of FB gradually, till I reach a healthy amount of FB time for me!  I'm sure I will now have so much time that I won't know what to do with myself, but I'm sure I'll be tons more productive outside of work!  (Thankfully we can not go on FB or the Internet at work for personal use!)

I feel this is the last addiction (that I know of) that I need to confront.  Baby steps!

Here is a tool if you are curious to find out if you are addicted to FB or not:

Rate yourself on the Facebook Addiction Scale.
Record your responses -- very rarely, rarely, sometimes, often or very often -- to the six following statements.
•You spend a lot of time thinking about Facebook or plan to use Facebook.
•You feel an urge to use Facebook more and more.
•You use Facebook in order to forget about personal problems.
•You have tried to cut down on the use of Facebook without success.
•You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using Facebook.
•You use Facebook so much that it has a negative impact on your job/studies.
Now count up the number of times you answered "often" or "very often."


Quick Poll
Did you respond "often" or "very often" to four or more statements?

Yes -- Congrats! You're a Facebook addict like the rest of us.

No -- Woohoo! Your Facebook dependency hasn't reached the level of addiction.


Sara Gates
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/08/facebook-addiction-test-women_n_1500656.html

 

Live & Love With URGENCY!!!!

 

Life is short!  You may be thinking, "Yes, I have heard this many times before...blah blah blah!"  I know we have all probably heard this saying hundreds of times in our lives, but do we really believe it?  If we do really believe it, are we living like it is true? 

"Learn to live life with a sense of urgency, because even if you get to live a long one, it's still incredibly short.  Don't save things for a special occasion.  Go out and do the things you want to do, tell people how you really feel, and stop wasting time and energy on things that really don't matter."  AwesomeLifeTips.com

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a saver.  Friends gave us a bottle of chocolate wine as a Thank You gift in April.  I'm saving it for our 2 year Anniversary in July!  :-)  If it weren't for my Husband, I probably wouldn't have a whole lot of fun.  We really balance each other out!  I help him save more and he helps me spend more.  We make a great Team!  I think saving for Retirement is a very good and responsible thing to do.  However, I also know many people who never made it to Retirement age before they were called home to Heaven.  We are taking the advice of my late Father-In-Law and, while being financially responsible, we are planning to travel now, while we are relatively young and healthy.  There are no guarantees in life.

The following portions of Scripture also point out how short life is:

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life so that we may grow in wisdom." Psalm 90:12 NLT

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is. " Psalm 39:4 NLT

     Our days are numbered!  Two weeks ago a 6 year old girl was murdered by her father in our apartment complex.  This week I attended a visitation for a co-worker who was in his 20's.  A 22 year old son of a lady from my former Church died this week as a result of injuries suffered when he was shot 6 months ago.  A friend's Brother died at age 41 last year.  My Dad was 59 when he passed away on 12/8/1999.   My Husband's Dad was 67 when he passed away this February 26th.  You get the idea.  Not everyone lives to be 90 years old!  I've heard friends say things like "I'm not ready to lose my Mom/Dad yet!"  No one is EVER ready to lose a loved one!  However, when we will lose loved ones is completely out of our control.  It is up to God.  Loss hurts and it stings deep.  You never "get over it"!  But God is Good and He will heal your heart and enable you to comfort others with the comfort you have received.

     Those who know me, know that I am a Numbers Gal!  I love dates and numbers and countdowns! :)   I was blessed to have 25 Years 11 Months and 5 Days of having an earthly Dad.  That's 9,470 days!  My Dad has already been in Heaven for 13 Years 6 Months 1 Week and 1 Day.  That's 4,939 days!  A new Chapter of my life began when I started getting to know my now Husband.  That was 3 Years 8 Months and 1 Week ago!  That's 1346 Days!  My Husband and I were talking about what we miss about his Dad who passed away 3 Months and 3 Weeks ago.  Only 110 days ago.  He then asked me what I miss most about my Dad.  I told him I miss the fact that my Dad was analytical and the most like me, and the one person in my family who "got" me.  I've been thinking about my Husband's question a lot.  After 13.5 years, so much of my adult life has been lived without my Dad, that it's sometimes hard to remember what I miss about him.  There are now so many memories that don't include him.  This makes me sad.  No one can ever take his place, but last Father's Day was Awesome!  For the first time since my Dad passed away, I had a Father figure in my life....my Father-In-Law.  He loved me to pieces and always told me how great I was and how Jonathan and I light up a room when we walk into it, etc. etc. etc.  I miss him so much!  This is my Husband's first Father's Day not having an earthly Father.  Please keep him in your prayers.

I want to live my life as if everyday will be my last, or the last of those around me.  I am FAR from perfect, but I know if I look at life in that light, that I will treat others better.  I want them to see Jesus in me.  I want others to know that they are loved unconditionally, with an everlasting love!  I want them to know that there is life, hope, laughter, love...both here and in Eternity!

Will you do it?  Will you Live and Love like today is your last and/or the last of those around you?

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Random Thoughts By J-La-Sta

1. My husband and I need a break from life.
2. It's been 7 weeks today since Jonathan's Dad went into the hospital and J started the process of becoming POA for his Dad, which changed our lives dramatically.
3. I will never again say "this is a piece of cake compared to what I went thru alone as a single person".  As soon as I said that, God started to challenge us!
4. I hate the end of daylight saving time.
5. I hate these short days.
6. I know that I start to feel better after the New Year starts.
7. Only 36 more days till we start to gain daylight instead of losing it.
8. I am thankful that my my mammogram came back normal! 
9. I'm thankful Jonathan's Dad was approved for Medicaid.
10. I HATE cancer.  I hate what it does to my Mom and I hate what it is doing to my FIL.
11. I can't believe December 8th it will have been 13 years since my Dad passed away.
12. I got an email from parents.com informing me my baby is the size of a cantaloupe at 21 weeks.....UMMM.....Really???  Do they know something I don't?  Our plate is already quite full!
13. It's a challenge to stay positive when there is so much negative going on in the lives of those we love.
14. I know God has a plan and will work things out for the good of those who love Him, but it doesn't mean we don't get weary, stressed, and sad.
15. Speaking of SAD, I hate Seasonal Affective Disorder and what it does to me.
16. There will always be people who have things "easier" than you, and there will always be people who have things "much harder" than you.
17. Sometimes life just sucks and is incredibly overwhelming.
18. My Vitamin D levels were great, much to my surprise!
19. We are both looking forward to having 4 very much needed days off in a row for Thanksgiving!  Only 5 more days of work for me and 6 more days of work for Jonathan.
20. We plan to treasure time with loved ones over the Holidays.  Life is short and we need to savor the memories.

The Day We Were Called To Step Up

 

     Life is full of changes.  I'm getting better with change, but I still don't like it, and I still have a hard time with it.  Change is even harder for me during the fall/winter months, as Seasonal Affective Disorder does affect me, no matter how many steps I take to prevent it and make it better.  We have been married for 15 months, and our first major life change as a married couple, began on September 26th, 2012, just 18 days ago.

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
Arnold Bennett

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
Alan Watts

"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."
Nathaniel Branden

  My Mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2000 (2 months after my Dad, her Husband, passed away).  She has been battling this disease for almost 13 years.  She continues to work full time on her feet while receiving daily treatments.  My Mom turned 60 this Summer.  I'm thankful she has her Husband Don of 11 years, to care for her.  Jonathan's Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer August of 2010, but we weren't made aware of it until March of 2011.  Jonathan's Dad turned 67 this Summer.  I hate cancer.  It sucks!  Even more, I hate that the fact that the word cancer doesn't really phase me anymore because I've heard it SO much over the years in regards to family and friends. 

The newly married couple with my Mom 7/8/2011

Jonathan & his Dad Father's Day 2012

Me & my FIL Father's Day 2012

   Jonathan's Dad was hospitalized for approx 6 days before Father's Day of this year.  He was hospitalized again for approx 8 days in August.  We didn't find out until that time, that when he was first diagnosed, he already had stage 4 cancer.  When he left the hospital in August, he went to live with his daughter in Elkhart.  On September 26th, 2012, Jonathan got a call from a nurse at Elkhart General Hospital asking him to call her back in regards to his Dad.  We were of course concerned about Keith, but it also struck us as odd that Jonathan got the call, since Jonathan's Sister who lives in Elkhart was the contact person for the hospital.  To make a long (and extremely sad and complicated) story short, Jonathan's Dad's living situation suddenly changed.  We had no clue!  From the moment we arrived at the hospital that Wednesday evening, we knew we would need to step up to the plate and be there for Keith.  He had been living in his house for a week with no utilities.  He had lost 30 lbs since we saw him last. He needed us more now than ever.  We are the only 2 people he has who live in the area.  From that day forward, Jonathan became the contact person for the hospital. 

     During Keith's hospital stay, Jonathan worked with the Social Worker to determine where Keith would go after he was released.  Jonathan has learned so much about the ins and outs of Medicare and Medicaid.  Fun stuff!  NOT!  Keith was hospitalized for 9 days.  During his hospital stay Jonathan and I searched his truck and house for necessary paperwork to get him applied for medicaid.  It was then that we became aware of the horrendous conditions he had been living in the past week.  We were determined to never ever ever let him live there again, even if he needed to come live with us.  We had planned to go away to a bed and breakfast for the weekend of Oct 5th/6th, but cancelled the Tuesday before.  We knew we needed to be there for Keith. 

     Monday, October 1st, Jonathan stayed home because he caught the cold I had.  I decided that instead of going to Bible class at church, that I would go to visit Keith, because he needed me.  I am SO thankful God lead me to make the right choice. I didn't know until I got to his room that evening, that he had almost passed away overnight.  Keith told me that evening that he "asked Jesus to accept him today" and said "I hope He can forgive me!".  I told him that "He already has".  I also asked if I could pray with him before I left.  Wow!  I will never forget that evening as long as I live!  It was very special!  God certainly put me in the right place at the right time! :)

     It's been an emotional and exhausting 18 days for us.  Jonathan has been using most of his breaks/lunches at work to take care of getting his Dad applied for medicaid, getting him into a nursing home, etc.  The hospital released Keith on Friday, October 5th, 2012.  They transported him to a nursing home.  He is not well enough to live anywhere else.  We are both SO thankful to Jonathan's Sister Sandy and her family who were in town when he was transferred to the nursing home, and helped him get settled, and made sure he got the things he needed from the store.  It made us be able to focus better at work, knowing Keith had them to help him with this transition.  We are convinced Keith was well enough to leave the hospital because Sandy, Joel, and their 3 boys came to town to see him.  He needed to go to the Nursing Home. We both work full time and would not be able to be here to give him the 24 hour care he needs.  After coordinating it and finding wonderful people who were willing to help Notarize and Witness for us, Jonathan's Dad made him his Power Of Attorney on Wednesday.  This is a huge responsibility!  But one that my Husband knew he had to take on.  I am so proud of him for taking on this responsibility.  God truly has called us to serve Keith. 

     I found the following information on this website in regards to what being a POA entails: http://www.sbshlaw.com.

"It is always a good idea to discuss your expectations and wishes with whomever you plan to name in this important document, before you sign it. First of all, that person is going to have a lot of responsibility in the event of your incapacity. They may be responsible to write your checks, pay your bills, balance your accounts, manage your investments and file your tax returns among other things. It’s not so much an honor to be named in a durable power of attorney document as it is an immense responsibility."

     Yes, we both had full time jobs, and we both have our apartment to keep up, but we don't have a house, we don't have kids, we were planning on going to Hawaii in February, but we didn't have any HUGE responsibilities.  Our life has changed.  That is ok.  We will have the rest of our lives (God willing) to travel, etc.  But the important thing is that we are here for our parents when they need us.  Now is one of those times.  Keith needs us more than anyone right now.  He is adjusting to the nursing home.  We live in South Bend, and it is a good 35 minute drive for us to get to the nursing home.  Our goal is to go 2-3 times a week to visit him.  We want him to know that he is not alone.

We haven't really had much time to focus on each other, but we realize this needs to be a priority in our lives.  If we don't take care of ourselves and spend time together, we won't be any good for Keith.  I found the following information on this website:  http://life.familyeducation.com:

 

"Praise your spouse often when he or she is dealing with an aging parent. Let him or her know how difficult it is and how well he or she is managing things. Your praise will go a long way when your spouse is handling such an emotional issue. It's especially important to keep your relationship with each other strong. You might be feeling overwhelmed by time and energy commitments to a parent, but don't forget each other. Keep doing nice things for each other, treating each other nicely, and spending time together. Even if you cannot spend as much time together as you used to, make every effort to spend at least a reasonable amount of regular time together. You will best be able to support each other if you continue investing in the relationship."
 

     We want to put God first, our relationship second, Keith 3rd, but we also have jobs that we need to keep! :)  Yes, we won't be able to spend as much time together as we did before, but we are choosing to make it a priority in regards to our "New Normal".  Jonathan and I are incredibly blessed to have each other for help, support and encouragement during this difficult and challenging time.


     Keith asked Jonathan the other day if he could read the Bible with him.  That, my friends, makes all of this crap worth while! :)  We don't know how many days Keith has left on this earth, but we are convinced that God called us to serve Keith in this capacity right now.  I have to remember that God is in control of Keith's life, here and in heaven, and that I can do my best, but need to let go and let God. 

Please keep us all in your prayers, especially Keith!  Please pray that we will remain strong and will serve Keith in the way that God has called us to serve him.  Thank you!  :)

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

My Weight Loss Journey

     I've always struggled with my weight, but when I do decide to lose weight, I do it!  I lost approximately 35-40 lbs in 2000.  Most of you know that I am very "all or nothing".  Either I don't step on a scale or try on new clothes (cuz in my mind denial is better than actually knowing how much I weight or that I need to go up yet another pant size!), and continue to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, or I follow a fairly strict regimen. I lost weight before the wedding.  I had motivation!  I had a wedding dress I needed to fit into, and gosh darnit, I was going to look good in those wedding pictures which last forever!  I did fit into that dress and I looked and felt amazing! :) 

     The wedding came and went and I lost my motivation.  I no longer had a wedding dress to fit into, the gorgeous pictures had already been taken by my wonderful SIL, I was comfortable being married, my Husband loved me regardless of if I was fat or skinny! So for the first 6 months of our marriage, I gained 20-25 lbs.  Jonathan actually lost 10 lbs!  December 8th I bought the best Pedometer ever, and started walking about 6,000-7,000 steps a day.  In the past year I have had Cellulitis 3 different times.  Cellulitis is a nasty bacterial infection.  I have Venous Insuffiency (a vein disorder in my legs), which makes me more prone to Cellulitis. The last time I had Cellulitis was the end of January of this year.  At that time I weighed 207-209 lbs!  I am only 5'3 inches tall!  I realized my weight had gotten out of control!  That was the most I had ever weighed in my life! 

Here is a pic of me which was taken on January 2nd in Chicago. We were celebrating my 38th Birthday which was the following day:

     I went back to my Dr. in early February.  I wanted to get to the bottom of why I kept getting Cellulitis so frequently!  She said that "Once or twice having Cellulitis in such a short period of time, we can chalk up to fluke things, but 3 times, there is probably something going on".   So about a week later I fasted for 12 hours and had blood drawn and tested.  The results were mailed to me.  On February 8th I got the results.  I wasn't prepared for what I was going to read.  When I read the words "Pre-Diabetes" I instantly panicked and felt anxious!  My impaired fasting glucose was 108.  I had never heard of pre-diabetes before.  I later found out it used to be called "impaired fasting glucose, but those words didn't communicate just how serious the condition is, and people weren't making the changes they needed to make.  Reading "Pre-Diabetes" on that paper, was the motivation I needed!  I was determined NOT to let this turn into Diabetes! I DO NOT want to have to give myself insulin shots!  I had a choice to make!  Either I would continue down the same path, which wasn't looking very good!  Or I would make the necessary lifestyle changes.  Here is the range of fasting glucose numbers and how those numbers are classified:

     Here is the the definition of Prediabetes according to Wikipedia:  "Prediabetes is the state in which some but not all of the diagnostic criteria for diabetes are met. It is often described as the “gray area” between normal blood sugar and diabetic levels.  There is a 50% risk over 10 years of progressing to overt diabetes. A recent study cited the average time for progression as less than three years."

     Thankfully I had started the First Annual "J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge" on January 8th and was walking 10,000 steps a day!  Had I not been walking for those 2 months prior to my blood test, I probably would have had a higher glucose level!  My husband also realized that we needed to eat better for my health and for his health.  In February or March we started making dietary changes. We weigh most of our food, so we know exactly how much we are eating.  I am SO thankful we are doing this together!  It would be so much harder to do without the support and encouragement of the one you are living with!  We do not keep sugary cereals in the house, etc.  We are both on board with these lifestyle changes!  The walking challenge ended on March 30th, but we continue to walk at least 10,000 steps a day for 6 days out of the week.  I am happy to report that Jonathan has lost a total of 50 lbs since the wedding and I have lost 30 lbs since the end of January! (See pic below which was taken on June 23rd, 2012.

     I go back in 2 months to have my blood checked again.  I am confident that because of my walking, healthier eating, and weight loss, my glucose level will be much lower than it was!  What is my new motivation for losing weight?  I love my God, my Husband, my Friends, my Family, and last but not least, I love ME! :)

I have 42 more lbs to lose to get to my goal of 135 lbs.  I can and will do this with the strength I get from God, and from the support and encouragement I receive from my Husband, Family, and Friends! :)
 

My Life 5 Years Ago - Then vs. Now

My Life 5 Years Ago - May 1st, 2007

• I was unemployed.
• I relocated back to my hometown of South Bend, IN which meant leaving behind 15 years worth of friends.
• I had been denied unemployment (which I eventually fought and won) so I had no income coming in for over 3 months.
• My Grandmother was gracious enough to let me live with her.
• My Mom's cancer was in her bones.
• I was single and thought I would never find the right guy!
• That July my Nephew was diagnosed with a heart condition which was a birth defect that wasn't caught until he was almost 13 years old.  He had major open heart surgery that September.
• The economy in South Bend/Elkhart IN was awful.  It took me a year of looking to get 1 job offer.  After unemployment ran out (I got it for only 6 months), I took a waitressing job in the meantime to pay the bills.  I would cry if I got jipped on a tip b/c I really needed the money.
• Life was extremely difficult.
• Life was lonely.
• It didn't help matters any that I had the "I'm the victim" mentality, in fact it made my situation worse.
• I was not emotionally healthy.
• I understood that God loved me in my head, but not in my heart.

My Life Now - May 1st, 2012

• I have been working at the same job for 4 years and 1.5 months.
• I have been married for almost 10 months to a man I met thru said job. Our 1st date was almost 2.5 years after I moved back to South Bend.
• My Nephew Trey is doing great!  God spared his life and his last check-up with the cardiologist showed everything looks great!
• I saw an amazing Christian Counselor for about 2 years and 3 months and worked on my issues.
• I have been with my same Small Group for over 4 years.  They have helped me to grow and with God's help to overcome my former "victim mentality", although it still is my first nature and I still fight it!
• Overall, I am emotionally healthy now.
• I am not lonely.  I have Jonathan and lots of friends, both old and new!
• My husband and I plan on being debt free sometime this Summer.
• Life is challenging, but is no longer extremely difficult.
• I wish I could say my Mom's cancer battle is over, and that she is in remission, however she continues to fight the battle!  She is the strongest woman I know and has been a Survivor for over 12 years and 2 months!
• My relationship with my Savior is strong and growing! I know he loves ME unconditionally!

The Moral of my story is:  God has a plan for your life and even if things aren't going so great now, it doesn't mean things will be like that forever.  My life didn't magically get better overnight.  It took many years of perseverance and hard work.  I am in a great season in my life now, so I'm going to appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  My hope is that the next time I hit hard times in my life, that I will "Praise Him in the storm".

The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge!

On December 29th, 2011 I mentioned on Facebook that I would be starting The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge.  I also mentioned that I would be posting a blog shortly regarding the details. This is that blog! :)  I am SO excited to start this Challenge and to have you join me in this Challenge!  I believe that if we have others to be accountable to and hold each other accountable, we are more likely to succeed.  Even if you only take 10 steps more tomorrow than you did today, that is a Success!  I know how overwhelming the number "10,000" sounds!  I've been thinking about when this challenge would start and I've finally come up with a date.  That date is Sunday, January 8th, 2012.  Why January 8th?  Well, you see, I wanted to give you all enough time to get a pedometer if you didn't already have one, and a chance to start walking for a few days to see how many steps you walk in a typical day. January 8th is 10 days from when I first mentioned this challenge and it is 5 days from the posting of this blog. So, you have 5 days to get your Pedometer and to start walking before the challenge starts. The 2nd reason I chose January 8th as the start date is that I have gained weight since I got married 6 months ago (July 8th, 2011).  I want to lose weight for the 2nd 6 months of my Marriage! :)

 Here are some important things to remember if you are considering taking part in this challenge:

• The challenge will go for 12 weeks to get us thru the winter months.  The challenge will end on Saturday, March 31st, 2012.

• You do not need to start at 10,000 steps a day!  If you haven't been physically active, this would be a very bad idea!  You need to work up to 10,000 steps a day.  For example, when I started approximately 3 weeks ago, I started at 6,000ish steps.  I am now up to 7,000-8,000ish steps per day.  I am gradually working toward 10,000 steps a day. Before I started walking I bet I was doing 3,000 steps or less per day. Once I get to 10,000 steps per day on a regular basis, I'm sure I will have some bad days.  We are all human.  That's OK!  Just start again the next day!

• The Pedometer I currently own has proven to be my best one yet!  I have owned it for 4 weeks now and it is still working.  It doesn't give extra steps while using the restroom, and it doesn't make the annoying clicking noises.  If this Pedometer is not in your Budget, that's ok too, any Pedometer is better than no Pedometer!  I promise you my steps have increased just from wearing a Pedometer! I'm such a numbers gal, and anal too!  Here is the link for the Pedometer I have: J-La-Sta's Pedometer.  Here is a picture of it.  I even get to wear it around my neck!  Have I mentioned that I LOVE my new Pedometer?! :)   It even keeps the past 7 days steps in it's memory.
• You may say, "This weather is horrible (if you live anywhere near the Midwest!), it is too cold and there is too much snow!".  In that case, can you find somewhere indoors to walk, ie, a mall?  I have been walking on a 100 step walking path in the basement at work on all of my breaks.  As my Dad frequently quoted my Grandma, "Where there is a will, there is a way!". 

• You can track your steps on the following website: http://www.10000steps.org.au/.  It takes 2 minutes to set up an account and the website is super user friendly.  If you FB message me with your personal email address after you have created an account with thatemail  address, I can add you to the team.  We can see each others daily steps and therefore can cheer each other on and encourage each other! :)  Please remember they are in Australia, so they are already on the next day when you may be tracking your steps in the evening. They also list the day before the month when listing the dates, whereas we list the month first and then the day.

• I promise to encourage you to succeed! Any step toward taking better care of ourselves is a step in the right direction.  Look at it this way, even if you only end up doing an average of 7,500 steps a day, I would bet that is more steps than you are taking on a daily basis today.                                     
• If you are anything like me and are currently experiencing the post holiday/winter blues, getting moving can help with depression!

• I will be thinking of a small prize for the the person who walks the most steps between January 8th and March 31st.  There will also be a 1st runner up for The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Challenge.  If that winner or 1st runner up is me, I will still get myself a prize! :) 

Please let me know if you would like to be a part of this challenge!  I will be happy to answer any questions you may have!

Looking forward to "walking with you" as we accomplish our health and/or weight loss goals! :)

Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2012!



5 Reasons Why This Was My Best Christmas Ever!

1. It was my 1st Christmas married to Jonathan.   Thanks to Mom and Don for our "1st Christmas" ornament!  We have been married for 170 days today! We love being married, but most importantly we love being married to each other! We each had many lonely Christmases in the past.  We weren't lonely this year and for that we are both very thankful!  Jonathan's Dad told us yesterday that we are a "Match Made in Heaven". He's right! This kind of match could be nothing other than something orchestrated by the Creator of Love, God Himself.                                               
2. We have started our own Family Christmas traditions.  We love our families of origin and our extended family and we love to celebrate with them, but what was extra special about this year is that we started our own family traditions.  It's hard to start your own Christmas traditions as a single person, because your family of origin is your only family. We may not have children, but we do have our little family. We both agreed it was important to starts those traditions for our 1st married Christmas, because they get harder to change as the years pass.  It is important to us to see family, so this year we saw family on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day was just us.  Our tradition is that we will spend 1 day with family and 1 day with just us.  I will touch on why this is important for me this time of year when I get to reason # 5.
3. We both put a lot of thought and effort into purchasing gifts for each other.  Last year we both asked each other what we wanted for Christmas, but we didn't really know, and neither of us ended up purchasing gifts for the other.  I didn't realize that "Gifts" was one of my top love languages until I didn't get anything from Jonathan.  This year, we both put a lof of effort into it, and the effort paid off.  It's not about the money spent, but rather about the effort put into making the other person feel special.  We were both successful at that this year!  It's fun to be someone's top priority when it comes to gift giving!
4. We have been blessed and therefore were able to bless others this Christmas.  Last year we started a tradition of helping those in need. and sponsored a family at the local homeless shelter.  This year my Small Group sponsored a family where a set of Grandparents are raising their 8 Grandchildren.  I got tired just reading their ages.  Jonathan and I contributed to making this family's Christmas more special. That's a good feeling!  We were also able to bless our nieces/nephews, parents, etc with gifts. For many years as a single person money was tight and on top of that I wasn't managing my money as well as we are now. I was often unable to give presents to family.  It feels good to be a blessing to others and we are thankful for how blessed we are!  We have no wedding to pay for and we have 1 rent instead of 2.  We are also down to 1 student loan and 1 car payment! All of these things sure make a huge difference!
5. My SAD is much more controlled this year.  December has been a hard month for me for as long as I can remember but especially since 12/8/1999 when my Dad passed away.  SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder which is also known as Winter Depression.  The symptoms start in early Fall and end when Spring begins. Some of the symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on or completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, social activities, and lack of interest in activities you typically enjoy during the spring/summer months.  For these reasons, Christmas isn't one of my favorite Holidays.  I am thankful to God for sending us our most important Gift of His Son Jesus!  However, Easter is my favorite Holiday because of the comfort of the Resurrection.  This Christmas has been my best Christmas Ever, and here are the  reasons why:  This year I have the stability/security of being married, I have been walking, I am on medicine that is controlling the depression/anxiety quite well.  Typically I cry a lot this time of year and withdraw from social activities because I just want to hibernate and be alone.  I'm happy to say I haven't really cried at all this year. I wish Christmas was in July, because then I would spend more time with my family of origin/extended family.  I still get stressed easily and this is another reason why Jonathan and I decided to start our tradition of spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day alone. Many love all of the hustle and bustle of seeing so many family members in a 2 day time frame.  In the Summer, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought. I love spending time with friend's and family!   However, in the winter, I often lack the energy to do so and it's hard to be around groups of people when I'm not feeling very well. 

I want to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year! 


Love,




Jen (& Jonathan)

What I've Learned In My 1st 95 Days of Marriage

     As you probably have already guessed after reading the Title of this post, we have been married for 95 days today!  :) Wow!  Time flies! In some ways I feel so comfortable with Jonathan that it feels like we have been together forever.  In other ways, I can't believe we've been married for over 3 months already!  I would be lying if I said this transition has been 100% smooth sailing.  After all, we are 2 human beings who only had to think about ourselves for years.  This isn't to say we were selfish people, it's just that we didn't have anyone else to consider in day to day living.  If I wanted to watch "The Notebook" on a Friday evening, I would watch "The Notebook". If Jonathan wanted to watch "Lord of The Rings", he would watch "Lord of The Rings.  We can still watch those movies, but now there is someone else's opinions/preferences to consider as well.  Jonathan turned 36 two days after the wedding.  I turned 37 in January. (I'm such a "cougar"!) We both had a long time to get "set in our ways".  All in all we are both very happy!  We are beginning our marriage on the foundation of the one who created marriage.  I think I appreciate Jonathan and my marriage to him so much more, simply because I had to wait for him for a very long time.  I know what it's like to be alone, to not be part of a family, to not have someone know if you live or die on your drive home.  Sad, but true.  Now I see clearly that God was preparing me for my "Mr. Right".  I'm learning that His ways are ALWAYS best.  He knows what is best for me.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

Here are the Top 5 Things I've learned in My 1st 95 Days of Marriage (in no particular order):

1. I'm thankful for commitment.  The first 2 weeks after we moved into "our" new place were a bit rough.  We were both used to living alone.  We both, especially me, don't like change. There were many times that we butted heads.  It was in those times that I understood why the commitment of a marriage (till death do us part) is so important. God knows that too! :) I'm happy to say things are much better now that we've had more time to adjust!
2. If I'm focusing on something I think Jonathan needs to work on, I more than likely need to turn the focus back to what I can do to work on improving myself.  I can't control him, nor should I try to, but I should be focusing on how I can become a better person/wife, not focusing on what I "think" he needs to work on.
3. I'm learning balancing marriage with my social life is easier said than done. All of you singles out there know what I mean when I say singles can feel forgotten because their friends are so busy with their husbands and children.  I still don't fully understand how hectic life with children can be, but I do have more of an understanding of the fact that even in a marriage, there is less time to devote to friends.   Maintaining and growing our friendships with others is very important to both of us.  I'm very thankful for that!  Jonathan has his times with his guy friends, and I have my times with my girlfriends.  We also do things with other couples.  When I lived alone, I was texting/calling friends a lot more than I am now.  I finally feel like I belong.  I belong with Jonathan.  I'm still working at finding balance in time with Jonathan and time with friends.  It may be a little more challenging because we work such different work hours and only have 1 weekend off together a month. 
4. Sex is not as big of a part of a marriage as we both had made it out to be in our heads before we got married. Don't get me wrong, sex is wonderful and God's plan for marriage is best!  We are far from perfect, but with God's help, we both waited to have sex until after we were married.  Yes, I know this is practically unheard of now a days, but we are both glad we waited. When you feel you "can't have something (due to Christian beliefs"..ie...sex before marriage)"...it makes it that much more appealing.  All thru my 20's and 30's,  I hoped I would get married soon so I could have sex before Jesus came to take me home to heaven, whether at the end of the world, or thru death.  We both have said that we built it up so much in our heads, and gave it far too much importance prior to marriage.  It's an awesome part of marriage, but it's not everything. We are learning together and I'm thankful we don't have baggage to deal with in this area of our life together.
5. The financial aspect of our lives is SO much easier with 2 incomes and 1 rent.  This is NOT a reason to get married, but once you find the right one, this is a HUGE perk! :) I had NO idea how much easier it would be before I got married.  I had always supported myself and lived alone.  After we got married, I changed my marital status for my taxes.  I did not change the deductions, yet I am getting over $93.00 extra in my checks each month!  We are paying less on auto insurance due to the multi-car discount, we only have 1 rent to pay and we no longer have to save/pay for the wedding!  We just paid off the rings (no interest!) last weekend!  In less than a year we will be debt Free! :)  However, it is also important to note, that we both learned how to handle our finances and get a grip on them before we got married.   We are now tithing faithfully and can't wait to be debt free.