2017 - A Year of Great Change and Personal Growth

One would think that 2016 would have been our year with the most change.  I mean, we bought a house and adopted a "special needs" rescue dog!  Well, 2017 was equally a huge year of change for us, but it had a much more profound affect on my view of life.  Financial Security is something I didn't have until after I got Married and we got debt free a year later.  Then we saved and traveled, and finally bought our 1st home on April 8th of 2016.  The Blessing is that since I didn't have credit cards, my Name is on the Title, but it is not on the loan.  My Income didn't count when it came to purchasing our home.  We lived below our means, including the size/price of house we chose to buy.  Jonathan could have been approved for a more expensive house, but we didn't want to be "house poor".  

I started babysitting at the age of 12 and started buying my own clothes then.  I started working at at 16.  I worked in college, over breaks, and during the summers as well.  I started working Full Time as soon as I graduated college.  Besides for a total of 9 months throughout the years, I have always been employed Full Time.  I waitressed for 6 Months before I was finally given a job offer at LM. My job at LM was there when I needed it.  They have amazing benefits, etc.  I met my Husband there.  I will be eternally grateful that I was hired there and found Love (and Friendship) at LM!    This job was there for me when I needed it and I was employed for 9.5 years.  That's a long time for me.  The detailed work was so me, but the putting in headphones and focusing and sitting at a desk 37.5 hours a week was not a good fit for this Extrovert.  But I stayed where life was "safe and comfortable and secure".  I mean after all, I was making GOOD Money.  

Something wasn't right though.  I constantly sat there obsessing about my Mom's cancer, my BIL's Cancer, my Step Dad's Grand Mal Seizure.  All heavy stuff, right?  Well my mind literally could not stop obsessing.  Part of the reason being, was if my Family needed me and I left work 3 hours early, I would get a full incident against me.  It would be as if I hadn't shown up for work at all that day.  After like 5.75 incidents you get a verbal warning, and the consequences got stiffer the more incidents you got.  FMLA is only used for your own medical condition, or if you are the primary caregiver for a relative.  I couldn't get FMLA when Jonathan's Dad was sick and dying.  There were other Family issues that were going on at the same time too.

It all caught up to me, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  I saw my Counselor.  I saw my Dr, who I ended up firing, and I fought for my mental health.  I was on Short Term Disability, but after a short while, my Husband and I came to the conclusion, that what was best for me, was for me to resign from my job at LM.  It took 3 months to get in to see a Psych NP.  My new MD made some med changes, but my Psych NP actually put me on Aderall.   Yes, at the age of 43 I was diagnosed with ADD.  My Husband was very surprised how productive I was at home during the day.  You know why?  Because I'm a hard worker, but my ADD made it nearly impossible to focus at a desk job, not talking to people.  When it came to running errands, making appointments, etc, I was uber productive.  And you know what?  I didn't obsess about all of the cancer and illness in my Family.  I was too busy to obsess.  

It was a very long Summer waiting for approval for my STD after every Dr Appt.  Always being afraid it would be denied.  Psych issues are treated so much differently than physical issues.  I know this is 2017.....2018 in a few hours, but it's true.  I was only on STD for less than 3 months when my Husband and I reached the decision, that I needed to quit my job.  It wasn't for me.  It didn't fit my personality.  It didn't allow for me to leave and be there for my Family if they needed me.  It didn't allow for me to call in sick when I could hardly function, not if I wanted to keep the job.  I resigned as soon as we made the decision.  I resigned on August 21st and I haven't once regretted my decision.  Even my Husband says we don't really miss my income.  Why?  Because we live below our means.  My Husband is Happier.  I am Happier.  If my Sister in WI needs me, I can drive to WI.  If my Mom or Grandma need me, I can be there for them, without receiving an incident.

Lessons Learned in 2017...I mean REALLY Learned:

1.  Peace is more important than Money.

2.  Family comes first...before Money..before a Job.

3.  It takes a leap of Faith and Trust in God, but He will provide.  No...please don't quit your job if you live alone and say....well Jen said......!  I supported myself for years.  I am the saver in our relationship.

I am Happy..  I am at Peace.  I was Diagnosed with ADD.  I am a hard worker.

I started my small business called J-La-Sta's Thrifty Threads on September 26th of 2017.  I love bargain hunting!  I love meeting new people.  I love serving others.  I love having a more flexible schedule where Family comes first.  I am not making anywhere near the amount of money I made working Full Time at Liberty, but you know what?  2017 taught me that Peace is FAR more important than money!  My security rests in my Savior, not in LM, and not in the Money I received from LM.  I work my butt off now.  I may not get the same amount of money, but this job fits the flexible lifestyle I need and want now.  Thank you Jonathan, for letting me quit LM and for realizing it was the best move for us!  I Love You! :-)

I also learned that I'm stronger than I think I am.  Being mentally ill, and having sick Family Members, one learns who their true Friends are.  Thank you to those who were there for me during one of the darkest and most challenging times in my life.  Please fight for yourself and your health, because no one else will.  I had to fight hard for months to get the care I need, when I barely had the energy to get out of bed.  I had a MD (after I told her I couldn't function and I was crying in front of her nonstop) say to me "So you are going back to work tomorrow right?"  Even if your Dr doesn't get it, keep fighting to get the help you need.

Peace and Happiness are Far More Important than Money.  I am Blessed.  We are Blessed.  I've only been running my small business for 3 months, but I hope to continue to grow it in the future.  I'm a hard worker, just a hard worker with ADD and an Extroverted Personality.  I did what I had to do when I had to do it, for 9.5 years, and now......I'm doing what I GET to do.

My Goals for 2018 are to grow my Business and to lose weight I gained as a result of giving into cravings caused by new meds.  I want to be healthier again.  However, I have also learned that my weight doesn't define me.

Happy New Year Everyone!  I Hope that 2018 is a Year Full of Happiness and Blessings Beyond Measure for you!

~ J-LaSta

I Will Not Be Shaken!

Psalm 16:8New Living Translation (NLT)

 I know the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

     The Weekend of December 3rd my Husband and I went to Nashville, IN and Brown County State Park.  We had never been there before.  Nashville, IN was truly a Lovely Little Town, with lots of unique shops!  We shopped for most of the day on Saturday.  We bought some Christmas/Birthday presents for Friends and Family, and a few things for ourselves.  After Breakfast on Sunday, I wanted to go back to my two favorite stores before we went hiking at Brown County State Park (the Largest State Park in the State of Indiana).  

     Saturday I bought 2 Pendants for Friends of mine.  Both were clearly meant for them, and one God especially tugged on my heart to buy for my Friend.  On Sunday, after I entered the store and looked around a bit, I thought I might look to get one for myself.  Jonathan and I sometimes pick out some of our own Christmas presents together.  It took me forever to decide!  I must have had 20 pendants on a tray to choose from! I would put each one back until I narrowed it down to this one. Then I chose a chain, and it was then they told me I could choose charms to add to my necklace, but that they would need to assemble it.

  

     I chose the main Pendant because God spoke to me thru this verse.  No matter what happens to me or to my Family or my extended Family, because the Lord is with me "I will not be shaken".  There are lots of life experiences that can and have shaken me to the core;  Death of loved ones, cancer diagnoses of loved ones, horrible accidents that affect those I love deeply.  My Depression, Anxiety, and ADD can also shake me, so this verse just brought comfort to my heart.  With God beside me, I will not be shaken!  Does this mean these things won't affect me?  Absolutely Not!  If these things didn't affect me in some way, I wouldn't be human.  Life is tough, but God is Faithful.

     I'm a numbers nerd, so I started wearing this on December 8th.  The Bible Verse on the Pendant is from Psalm 16:8.  My Dad died on December 8th and 1 plus 6 = 7.  Jonathan and I got engaged 7 years ago this Month.  This pendant and what it stands for, comforts me.  I chose the other charms based on the following...the cross represents my Faith.  The "J" is for Jennifer.  The green pearl matches a color in the pendant and I love my dog!  I've been wearing this necklace, pendant, and charms almost everyday, and it brings me such Joy and comfort!

I hope this verse comforts you as well, no matter what you might be going thru.

Psalm 16:8New Living Translation (NLT)

 I know the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

I Just Want to Feel Like Myself Again

Yes, parts of J-La-Sta come out every now and then.  Just bits and pieces of my goofiness, usually around Jonathan, who is one of the only people I see these days, since i am off of work.  I used to think it would be cool to be off of work for a while. But this is not how I imagined it.  Dr. Appointments, Counseling Appointments,  getting used to strong meds that make me so so tired, but not knowing if I'm even on the right ones yet.   Waiting and waiting and waiting some more to get in to see a Nurse Practitioner (Psychiatrist).  Not feeling like doing much of anything. Having a horrible memory, and not being able to talk right, ie say what I want to say.  I can't safely drive myself long distances due to the effects the meds are having on me. Jonathan says I sleep a lot, although I do make myself get up and go to bed at basically the same times every day.   I have little to no energy.  Plus, I'm still waiting to see if my short term disability from work has been approved, which adds more stress to my life.   Then the bills that are piling up from said appointments..  Yes, I'm blessed to have great insurance and I'm thankful I chose the PPO plan for the last year it's being offered.  I've already met my deductible, and it's a very low deductible comparatively.  I'm bummed that we are not going on the Mission Trip to Ecuador because we felt the Lord prodding us not to go due the current state of my mental health.  Then on top of this I worry about the serious health conditions of close loved ones.  Yes, I know God is in control, but you would worry too, trust me!  If you were in my shoes and didn't worry at all, you wouldn't be human.  Just sayin!

We all have our crosses in life to bear.  Mine just happens to be depression.  Yes I've tried it all and no, essential oils won't take it all magically away and removing sugar from my diet won't magically take it away, etc etc etc.  There is no easy fix.  I have dealt with depression since I was 16 years old.  Actually, I can even remember having it as a small child.

I was off of work for 3 weeks and went back for 4 days and couldn't handle it.  I need to be able to function at 100 percent and I wasn't there yet.  These meds are kicking my butt and I only had 1 med change at the time.  This is my 5th full week off of work.  I have worked there for 9 years.  I have worried about losing my job, but you know what?  I work to live.  I don't live to work.  If there is anything this most recent bout of depression has taught me, is that I put my job way ahead of where it should have been in the list of my priorities.  I put it above my health, above my trust in God, etc.  It has caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and I want my life to show what my priorities are.  If my Family needs me I will be there.  Work is not, nor should it be my first priority.  I want my life to show that my priorities are 1.  God.  2.  Jonathan  2.5 (half joking) Mookie  3. Family  4.  Work.  God will provide for my needs.  Jonathan and I live below our means.  Jonathan was recently blessed with a promotion at work.  We can live on his income and survive just fine.  We just wouldn't be able to bless others and travel like we love to do.

I am Jennifer Stanley, a Loved Daughter of the King.  I am not Jennifer Stanley, Technical Assistant.  My worth does not come from my job.  But you know what, I was letting my worth come from my job before this bout of depression.  I based my worth on my performance.  So maybe, just maybe, God is using this to teach me to not hold on so tightly to my job, to make me Trust that God will provide for me and that I have Jonathan now.  I'm no longer all alone in this world.  I don't know what the future holds, but God promises to take care of me.

When I first pulled up FB this Afternoon, I saw this right away:

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

"I want you to face adversity with confidence and firm determination. Because I am with you and the Holy Spirit lives in you, you have everything you need to be bold. Cowardliness is not of My kingdom. When you are feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances, remember who you are—a child of the eternal King! Invite Me into the very circumstances that are intimidating you, and let the Light of My powerful Presence strengthen you. When you choose to live courageously, I am pleased. And I respond by strengthening your heart, thus increasing your valor." —Jesus Today by Sarah Young, p. 338

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord." —Psalm 31:24 NKJV

God knew I needed to read this.  I am going to live courageously, no matter what my depressed feelings tell me, and no matter what happens with my job.  God will strengthen me and He will provide for me as he always has.

So Friends, I pray that this has given you some encouragement as well.  Life isn't easy..  We all have our crosses in life to bear.  If the grass looks greener on the other side, chances are it's not.....it only looks that way.  Not everyone opens their heart and soul like I do, but I pride myself in being real.

So, like Jonathan keeps telling me, my job right now is to get myself better.   That's it.  That's my job.  Whether I get paid for it or not.  

Thank you to my Friends who have been there to support me!  It is much appreciated!  Thank you for being His hands and feet to me.  Thank you to Jonathan for dealing with me the past few months.  I know it hasn't been easy and that this is the worse my depression has been since we've been married (almost 6 years).

To my co-workers, I hope to be back sooner, rather than later.  If you would, say a prayer that a Psychiatrist appointment would magically open up, that would help! :-)

I'm thankful for an Awesome MD who has empathy and wants to help me and knows I am trying to get better.

Most of all, Thank you to God for providing for my every need and for placing people into my life at just the right time, especially my sweet 4 legged baby, Mookie, who loves me unconditionally and follows me everywhere. 

Thanks for listening everyone!  I'll continue to keep you updated on my progress.

~J-La-Sta

Overwhelming Gratitude

We received a Christmas card, on Christmas Eve, from Dear Friends, who I have known since I was a little girl.  It was so nice to hear from them, but most of all, the handwritten note is what meant so much to me.  She had gotten our Christmas photo card in the mail showing our many Blessings.  She told me that she is currently reading a book called "364 Days of Thanksgiving".  It's a devotional, and the goal of the Author is to spur "overwhelming gratitude, which leads to overwhelming generosity".  The secret, he says, to overwhelming gratitude is :  open your eyes.  My Friend said:  "You two have done that and your faces show it.  "Godliness with contentment is great gain."  God is good!"  It meant so much to me to have someone who knew me in my childhood/teenage years, and knows my struggle with depression, see in my eyes and face, that we are grateful and content.  I truly am!  I couldn't ask for more.  Well, OK, I'd gladly have my depression taken away....but other than that....Life is Good!  We are so blessed!  We have each other, our new home, and our precious Mookie boy, but most of all, we have a Savior who will never leave us!  I've found that my contentment comes from God and from realizing His many blessings to me.  Of course it took me years of hard times to be able to get to this point, but I am truly content.  God has Blessed us!  I pray that you can find contentment in your life, and are able to see your Blessings, even in the midst of hard times.  Life is tough, but God is Faithful! :-)

Merry Christmas! :-)

J-La-Sta's 9th Annual Fall Appreciation Day!

J-La-Sta Posing by Some Fall Decor

Today was my 9th Annual Fall Appreciation Day!  We had an Amazing day together!   We started our Morning by weighing in at Weight Watchers.  I'm on my way to getting back to my goal weight (I'll blog about that another time)! :-)  After WW, we relaxed at home for a few hours and enjoyed hanging out with Mookie.  Then we headed to the Starbucks Drive Thru for our Fall Mochas.  I got the Salted Caramel Mocha and Jonathan got the Chile Mocha.  We took a day trip to Shipshewana, IN.  We went to the Midwest's Largest Flea Market.  This was their Fall Extravaganza and Today was the last day of the Flea Market Season.  We found some great deals and some nice things for our Home.  We had lunch there and got LOTS of steps in.  We were there for 4 hours when it started raining, so we headed to some indoor shops.  Jonathan didn't want his pic taken in the big chair! :P

I Felt Small in this VERY Large Chair! :-)

Relaxing with The Mookster

After we were done shopping, we headed back home and picked up a Frozen Pizza and a Fall Dessert.We got home and I tried to get Mookie some exercise inside since it was raining outside.  We ate Pizza and watched a Fall Movie. We watched Goodwill Hunting.  I don't think I had ever watched it from start to finish, but it's a Fantastic Movie!

After the Movie we had Pumpkin Patch Ice Cream.  It was Yummy!  I think this was the best Fall Appreciation Day we have spent together!  I had a few J-La's Fall Appreciation Days before Jonathan came into my life.  We have continued a tradition I started as a single gal.  We had great weather...although it went from sunny to overcast to sunny to overcast, etc.  At least we saw some sun and the rain didn't come till we had seen all of the outdoor shops.  What a great day!  Bring it on Fall!  I'm ready for you! :-)

Love,

J-La-Sta

Love is.........

 

     As Valentine's Day approaches, naturally, I got to thinking about Love and what it really means.  Real Love goes far deeper than a dozen roses and a mushy card on a Hallmark Holiday. In our 4 years and 7 months of Marriage, I've learned a lot about Love and Marital Love.  It's a daily choice.  It's not something we feel like doing all of the time, but it is for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, just as we promised each other on July 8th, 2011. 

1.  Real Love sees his wife thru 4 bouts of cellulitis. 
2.  Real Love makes Lifetime health and dietary changes (resulting in substantial weight loss) with his wife, after she is diagnosed with prediabetes. 
3.  Real Love makes sacrifices to work hard to get out of debt just 1 year after we got Married.
4.  Real Love grows stronger, thru the caring of (in addition to becoming his power of attorney) a parent with cancer, in the hospital and nursing home, after only just over a year of  marriage.  Real Love is being there together when that parent breathes his last breath and enters into the arms of Jesus.
5.  Real Love is holding each other up when we felt totally out of control after I was admitted to the hospital the day after we planned his Dad's funeral.  I was hospitalized for 3 nights, and had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed.  Jonathan was there for me, even thru his own grief of losing his Dad.  I got released from the hospital, and we went straight to his Dad's memorial service.  That was a very difficult time for us, but God was Faithful and we are stronger together because of it.
6.  Real Love is there for you when you find out your Mom's cancer spread to her brain, and later her lung.
7.  Real Love holds you up when you find out your "little" Sister's 37 year old Husband and Father of 4 of your precious Nieces and Nephews has a rare and aggressive cancer, of which there is no cure.

We've celebrated our 40th Birthdays together, and have seen some amazing places together in our travels, Upper Michigan, Aruba, NYC, Boston, Florida, etc.  We try to live life to the fullest everyday, knowing that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow.  We love to bless others together, which is something else we wouldn't be in a financial position to do if we weren't together.

We have been married just over 4.5 years, but I feel like we've experienced a lifetime of ups and downs in our relatively short time of being married.  We are stronger together.  Our Wedding verse was "God sets the Lonely in Families." ~Psalm 68:6.  God knew what we would have to face in the future, and I'm so thankful he brought us together to support and love each other in the best and worst of times.  Life is tough, but God is Faithful! :-)

Yes.  He did get me a dozen roses and a super sweet card, for which I'm very grateful! :-)  But this pales in comparison to the unconditional love he has shown me in the past 4.5 years. 

Jonathan, I love you so very much, and there is no one else I'd rather experience the highest highs and lowest lows of life with.

Happy Valentine's Day Baby!

Always and Forever Yours,


Your Irish Hills Hottie!  ;-)

Don't Blindly Believe Everything You Hear....Even From Your Own Pastor!

Growing up, I believed everything I heard in Church.  If the Pastor said it, it had to be true, because the Pastor was like, you know, God!  I was taught to believe and obey those in Authority over me. I figured that the Pastor is a person of Authority and we should believe him!  I am a very sensitive soul, also known as a "highly sensitive person".  I took everything to heart.  For over half of my life I was afraid of hell.  I was sure that was where I was going.  That is a horrible way to live!  Today I am 1 week from turning 42 years old and I'm older and wiser.  I can think for myself.

Our current Pastor encourages us to bring our Bibles to Church and to examine the Scriptures to make sure what He is teaching is the Truth. He backs everything he says with Scriptures References. He wants us to look to God for the Truth, not to just blindly take him at his word, simply because he is "The Pastor".  He realizes he is human.  He encourages us to think for ourselves and not just believe everything we hear, just because we are in Church.

Jonathan and I were attending another Church on Christmas Eve.  During the Sermon we heard these words:  "God Loves you and hates you at the same time".  No one else around us flinched, but we both looked at each other and I whispered to him "Can you understand why I was afraid of going to hell my whole childhood"?  He nodded, yes.  Let me tell you folks, nothing says "Merry Christmas" like hearing "God Loves you and hates you at the same time!".  (Yes, I'm being sarcastic).  Before, I just blindly accepted words like this as the truth, because they came from the Pastor himself.  He didn't really explain himself and there were no Bible verses to back up this Statement.  I don't think he really meant it like he said it, but what if someone was attending Church for the very first time?  Let me tell you folks, that Statement did not point to a Loving God.  And if I weren't already a Christian, those words would have not made me want to become a Christian!

The God I've come to know the past 8.5 years, loves us all SO Very Much.  He Loves me because He Loves me because He Loves me, because He IS Love!  He died for me!  He most certainly does NOT hate me.  I am thankful that I no longer believe everything as Gospel Truth just because it comes from the pulpit.  I think for myself AND I examine the Scriptures.

This Morning I searched the Scriptures and did not find that God hates me.  I did find this: "But God showed His Great Love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."  Romans 5:8

My encouragement to you all, no matter what Church you attend or visit is to always search the Scriptures to find out if what you are hearing is TRUTH.  Pastors are human and make mistakes just like we all do.  They are not God, and should not be put on a pedestal.

I Used Facebook to Feed My Approval Addiction - For 8 Years!

Those words were hard to type. 

I've thought long and hard about my motivation for writing this post.  I've come to realize that my motivation for writing this post is NOT for approval.  It's not for likes or comments that I may or may not get.  I'm writing this because I feel I owe an explanation to my FB Friends who have "followed me" loved me, supported me, and encouraged me over the past 8 years.  I want to explain why I am hardly on FB anymore and most importantly, why I rarely post anything anymore.  So here goes it.....

When I first joined FB in August of 2007, I was not in a good place in life.  I had recently lost my job in Milwaukee, I had moved back to South Bend, leaving 15 years of Friends behind in Wisconsin.  I was unemployed, I had no money.  I was 33 years old,  I was Single, and I was living with my Grandma.  I didn't have close friends in South Bend yet, and didn't know many people here either.  All of that would be stressful enough for anyone.  Yet, on top of this, My Mom's cancer (she had been battling cancer for 7.5 years since my Dad passed away) was in her bones, and my 12 year old Nephew and Godson was awaiting open heart surgery for a birth defect that was found a month or 2 before that.  I was lonely, anxious, worried, stressed, and I could go on and on, but I won't.  You get the idea!  Playing the victim (my default) didn't help matters any at all, as you can imagine!

Facebook was my way of being able to keep in touch with Friends and Family who lived far away.  It made me feel loved and connected.  It made me feel like I belonged, like I mattered.  Because back then, I didn't believe that I mattered.  Sad, huh?  More that that, it gave me an outlet to post my feelings.  So, did I overshare?  Yes.  Have I continued to overshare?  Yes.  I'm a people person.  Sharing who I am and what I'm feeling is part of who I am.  I'm so appreciative of all of the support and encouragement I've received during my single years, my engagement, my marriage to Jonathan, our getting debt free after 1 year of marriage, the loss of Jonathan's Dad, my surgery a few days later, my Mom's continued battle with cancer, our extreme weight loss, and most recently, my 37 year old Brother-in-Law's (Father of 4) very rare Sarcoma cancer diagnosis.

I knew I was addicted to Facebook.  What I didn't realize until recently, was that I used Facebook to feed my approval addiction.  I was actually more addicted to approval (likes, positive comments, etc), than I was to Facebook, I just didn't realize it until now.  My choice to overshare, let people know about what was going on in my life, without even having to make an effort.  That was my fault. 

Emotional intimacy is not something that has come easy for us (me and Jonathan), especially for me.  I can be the center of attention in a big crowd and it takes no effort, it just comes naturally for me.  However, one on one emotional connection has always been more challenging for me.  Jonathan, by nature, is not an initiator.  So when I would sit on FB, he would watch TV and/or play games on his phone.  July 8th will be our 4 year anniversary.  We have been thru so many difficult and life changing events since getting married.   We are strong, both as individuals and as a couple.  We love to travel together and bless others.  God has been So Good to us!  We are so Blessed!  Most recently we have decided to start saving for a house, which we plan to purchase in the Spring/Summer of 2017. 

I don't want to say I've wasted 8 years of my life on FB.  That is not true.  Have I wasted a lot of time on FB?  Yes.  I would post something and then check over and over and over again to see if anyone or anyone new had "liked" it.  Come on!  I KNOW I'm not the only person who did that! LOL

Over the past 3 weeks or so, Jonathan and I have spent lots of quality time together.  You know what?  We don't get nearly as irritated with each other for "interrupting our FB/TV Time"!  You know why?  Because we are making each other a priority.  Quite honestly, I think we needed some "adjustment time" between getting married (after having been single for so long!) and having so much quality time together.  I regret some (not all) of the time I've wasted on FB.....but I don't regret encouraging others and sharing my story and our story!  I regret looking to FB for approval, instead of my Savior.  I regret giving people the power to help or hurt me simply by liking or not liking my status update.

So, will I post here and there?  Yes.  I'm not deleting my FB account.  I just am not on FB as much.  I don't post as much b/c a little bit of posting.....feeds my addiction, just like a little bit of alcohol feeds the addiction of an alcoholic.

We are enjoying spending time with each other, our friends and our family.  I am equally enjoying not needing to inform FB about every detail of my life.  I also don't feel like I'm missing out.  I'm more relaxed, less anxious, more at peace, and living my life, instead of thinking about how I'm going to documenting it.  It's SO FREEING not worrying about why someone is "liking" the statuses of others, but not liking mine. 

I'm free, and I couldn't be happier!! Happy 4th Anniversary to the Love of my Life and Happy 40th Birthday Honey!  I'm Blessed to have you in my Life, for as long as the Lord allows before He chooses to take either one of us (or both of us) Home to Heaven.  You are my Greatest Earthly Blessing! :-)  Thank you for treating me like I belong and like I matter!

Thank You to all of my FB Friends, for EVERYTHING!! :-)  I would love to email/text/get together for coffee/talk on the phone, or whatever.  You are loved, by God and by Me! :-)

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 6

My Year of Thanks!

April 24th - April 30th, 2015

 

April 24th

1. I'm Thankful my BIL's 1st Chemo Treatment went well.
2. I'm Thankful I woke up to a beautiful new pic of my Sister and her Family on FB.
3. I'm Thankful my wonderful Husband cleaned the Apartment Tonight.

April 25th

1. I'm Thankful I got to spend time with Family at my Cousin Katie's Bridal Shower.
2. I'm Thankful my car is ready for my drive to Wisconsin.
3. I'm Thankful for napping in the Afternoon.

April 26th

1. I'm Thankful for a great, comforting, and applicable Church Service.
2. I'm Thankful for yummy Jasmine's Favorite rice dish that I got to eat at Aladdins for Lunch.
3. I'm Thankful I achieved 990 Lifetime Miles with my Fitbit - I've walked the entire length of New Zealand.

April 27th

1. I'm Thankful for a great counseling session with the best Counselor Ever!  He told me I was doing really well!  I needed this validation!
2. I'm Thankful I had a productive day at work.
3. I'm Thankful my Hubby got gas for me so the car is all set for my trip to Wisconsin Tomorrow Evening.

April 28th

1. I'm Thankful I had a safe drive to Wisconsin.
2. I'm Thankful I got to see Chuck and Carey.
3. I'm Thankful that I am off work for the next 6 days - a much needed break.

April 29th

1. I'm Thankful I got to help my Sister with daycare, got to pick things up at the Store for her.
2. I'm Thankful I got to go to Culver's with my Sister and my Nieces and Nephews for their School Fundraiser.
3. I'm Thankful for Laughter in the van this Evening, coming from all 6 of us.

April 30th

1. I'm Thankful that my BIL Scott got to see his girls participate in their track meet Today.
2. I'm Thankful that Starbucks gave me another caramel macchiato for free, after I spilled my Sister's drink in the car.
3. I'm Thankful for Quality time alone with my Nieces and Nephews this Evening.

 

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 3

My Year of Thanks!

April 3rd - April 9th, 2015

 

"The days when it's hardest to be Thankful, are the days when it's most important to be Thankful."

~Me
 

 

April 3rd

 

1. The Greatest Love Story of All - Jesus dying to give us Eternal Life.
2. Greek Yogurt Whips - It's like having dessert - Yummo!
3. Money to buy the groceries - Blessed!  

 

April 4th

 

1. The gift of WW Meetings - For FREE.
2. The gift of green grass.
3. The Free Fitbit I have that motivates me to keep active.

 

April 5th

 

1. The Resurrection - Oh Happy Day!  Thank you Jesus!
2. My Nephew Joey.
3. A delicious Dinner of stuffed chicken breast made by my Sister - Mashed Potatoes too!  Yummo!

 

April 6th

 

1. My Pillow - Can't sleep without it.
2. The great participation in my 4th Annual Walking Challenge.
3. Freshly cut cantaloupe - Yummy!

 

April 7th

 

1. That God has taught me to take responsibility for my life - It's so much more empowering this way!
2. The cart and stool that "closes the kitchen" and keeps me from eating overnight.
3. The walking path at work - so I can get my steps in even if it's cold and rainy outside.

 

April 8th

 

1. My Spring energy - Even after working 2 hours of OT, walking, and doing yoga - I'm not completely exhausted!
2. Flavored drops - They help me drink the water my body needs.
3. My Spoonk acupressure mat - It helps me relax and fall asleep, eases my stress/anxiety levels, and relieves tension in my upper back/shoulders.

 

April 9th

 

1. Kelly - My dear "Mom" in the Milwaukee area. 
2. Jen - My wonderful friend who comes to my Wednesday Night Small Group.
3. Hope - Given to me thru Christ! No Matter what struggles we go thru, God is there, and everything will be OK.

 

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 2

My Year of Thanks!

March 27th - April 2nd, 2015

 

  

March 27th

1. Starbucks - A place to splurge & treat ourselves to yummy goodness every now & then.
2. A paid day off of work - not everyone gets those.
3. Clear weather for our drive to the land of cheese.

March 28th

1. Weight Watchers - It truly has changed our lives and our relationships with food.
2. Budget Cinemas - Where 6 of us could see "Annie" for $12.00.
3. The Blessing of Quality Time with Lexi, Hannah, Tyler, & Myles, our thoughtful & extremely grateful Nieces & Nephews.

March 29th

1. My St. Marcus Friends who still treat me like a part of their Church Family.
2. A safe & uneventful drive home from the Land of Cheese.
3. My heating pad, which helps to relax me & help me fall asleep.

March 30th

1. My Packer Blanket that my Mom made me for our Wedding Shower - it keeps me warm.
2. My "Sister" Sarah - We haven't met in person, but she is a positive influence in my life and I knew her Dad, so I know she's a Strong & Good Person.
3. My Friend Kathy who thought of me when she found a steal deal on rubber stamps, and bought them not knowing if I would want them or not, and was going to return them if I didn't want them.  I do want them! :-)

March 31st

1. The Flylady, who taught me that anyone can do anything for 15 minutes.  I set my timer for 15 minutes to start a seemingly overwhelming task, and in 15 minutes, it's done
2. Pandora - So I can listen to Christian Contemporary Music/80's Music/Etc - all day at work.
3. Longer days - Today was the last day I used my light box for the Season!

April 1st

1. For being outside Today with no coat, with short sleeves, and NOT being Cold!  That hasn't happened since September of last Year!
2. My Small Group Ladies, and how Real, and Open, and Honest we can be with each other.
3. Pulse FM on my TV - Positive, Uplifting, Encouraging Music!

April 2nd

1. I'm Thankful for the Perfect work hours for my body clock - 9:45am - 6:00pm.
2. Electricity - Where would I be without indoor light in the evenings?
3. Indoor Plumbing - Can you tell I'm not a camper?

 

                                                                                                            

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 1

My Year of Thanks!

March 20th - March 26, 2015

 

 

March 20th

1. My Godson & Nephew Gregory
2. Spring/New Beginnings
3. Laughter

March 21st

1. Sunshine
2. My working legs
3. My Determined Mom who is a Fighter

March 22nd

1. Healthy, comfort food Mac & Cheese
2. God's Amazing Grace for Me
3. Strength to lose and maintain weight even thru depression

March 23rd

1. Incredible Health Insurance
2. My Wonderful Husband
3. Eucalyptus Spearmint Scented Stress Relief Candle (very relaxing)

March 24th

1. A warm place to live
2. Music that touches my heart and soul
3. The opportunity to work overtime

March 25th

1. My positive and encouraging Friend Holly - We've been Friends for 7 Years!
2. A relaxing evening in the apartment, all by myself (breaking out in song here)
3. My pretty recliner which helps me relax

March 26th

1. Hot showers in the Morning
2. Coffee!  Nuff said!
3. The peaceful sound of birds chirping when I walk out of the apartment in the Morning

My Year of Thankfulness Starts Tomorrow!

The Small Group That I Facilitate every other Wednesday Evening started a Study by Ann Voskamp last Evening.  It is a Study based on her book "One Thousand Gifts - A Dare To LIVE FULLY Right Where you Are."  She encourages us to make a "Gift List" to count the ways Jesus Loves Us.  Tonight I decided that I am going to write down 3 things each day that I am Thankful for.  What better time to start this than when I am in the middle of a depressive episode!  "There is hope and transformative power in counting our blessings and naming the good gifts of God--because we encounter the power of God Himself in our lives.  If you want to discover the rhythms of grace, joy, and true thankfulness, count the gifts God has given and the ones He is giving you at this very moment."

 

I love the quote below!  Wow!  I never thought of it this way before, but it makes perfect sense.  If I'm afraid, then I'm really fearing that He doesn't love me.  His love never ends, it's just my thought patterns change.

 



I can't think of a more perfect day than the first day of Spring (March 20th, 2015), to start my Year of Thankfulness.  I will write down 3 things each day (yes that will come to 1,095 things I'm Thankful for when March 19th, 2016 arrives, but can we ever be TOO Thankful?), that I am Thankful for.  Once a week I will write a blog (at the end of the week) discussing the 21 things I am Thankful for that week.

I am SO Excited to start this Journey and to Study this Book with my Small Group Friends.

I may have depression, but I won't let depression have me!

"God is Good and I am Always Loved" ~ Ann Voskamp

Happy Valentines Day To The Love Of My Life!!

It really is true what they say, that after you have been Married for a while, Valentine's Day isn't nearly as big of a deal as it used to be.  When I was Single I always felt left out and felt as if my Singleness was accentuated on that day.  Everyone else had a Valentine (or so I thought), but I didn't.  I have learned that Real Everyday Married Love goes so much deeper than the love that can be expressed on February 14th every year. 

Real Love is choosing to change unhealthy lifestyles together because of your love for the other person and your love for yourself.  Real Love is supporting each other thru caring for and watching a parent die of cancer.  Real Love is being there when your spouse is hospitalized and has surgery even though your Dad just died 2 days prior.  Real Love is going with each other to the grave sites of our earthly Fathers.  Real Love is going to support a loved one during a sentencing hearing.  Real Love is choosing to love each other even on days when we don't feel so lovable.  Real Love is living everyday life with all of it's stressors and ups and downs.

We have lived a lot of life in our 1317 days of Marriage.  The loss and struggles we have experienced together, have only made us stronger.  Together we have accomplished far more than we could have individually.  This Covenant Marriage is no doubt God's design.  We aren't the same people we were the day we got Married.  Jonathan hit his goal weight at weight watcher's today.  He is 115 pounds lighter than the day we got Married.  I have lost a lot of weight myself.  We are also debt free.  Both weight loss and debt loss require sacrifice and not giving in to our every whim and feeling and want.  Going thru these processes together has taught us discipline.  We are Happy!  We are Healthy!  We are Blessed!  We are Thankful!

I Love You Baby!  There is no one else I'd rather be doing life with!  Thank you for your extreme patience with me thru all of these lovely hormonal changes that no one warned me about!  You are the Best!  You are one of the hardest working, most caring, most loving, most accepting people I know!  Thank you for Daily Teaching me about Love and Grace!  I can't wait to share your 40th Birthday with you at Fenway Park!  I know we will feel God's presence and your Dad's presence in those precious moments together!  We leave on our NYC/Boston Trip in just 140 days!  In 144 days we will celebrate our 4th Wedding Anniversary and in 146 days we will be at Fenway Park celebrating your 40th Birthday while we watch the Red Sox hopefully beat the Yankees!  I cannot wait to experience that with you because I love You! 

Happy Valentine's Day Mr. Stanley!  I will love you until God calls me home...cuz...well...I am the "Cougar" in this Relationship! :-)

Here's to many more Valentines Days together, but most importantly, many more days of living everyday life together!

I am SO PROUD of You and Proud of the Man you are, have become, and are becoming! 

Love Always,


Mrs. Stanley

Precious Peace

Peace

It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. ~Unknown

 

One of the Most Peaceful Places I Know - Mackinac Island

 

I have never in my life known and experienced such internal peace as the peace I know now!  It's taken 40 plus years, but looking back, I see how God has used every loss and every struggle I have experienced in life, to bring me to this point of Joy and Peace.  Yes, I knew all along that God was in control (in my head that is), and I knew that I "should" feel peace, but I didn't "really" feel peace (which I felt guilty about).  I didn't have that confident hope deep in my heart, deep in my being.  I wasn't completely filled with joy and peace.  I had heard (and memorized) many of the Bible verses about peace before, but you know what?  They hadn't sunk deep into my heart.  It was just head knowledge. 

As I've been reflecting on why that was, I've realized that for most of my life, I saw God as more of a Controlling Judge who pointed out my wrong doings, than a Loving Father.  I didn't know in my heart that the Character of God is (and always has been) Loving.  I didn't believe in my heart that He Loved me REGARDLESS, and IN SPITE OF, what I have done or haven't done.  I didn't believe that he ALWAYS has my best interest at heart.  In my mind, His Love was based on my performance.  Fear of punishment is no way to live.  It makes me sad that I, in essence, was so self-righteous, that I believed my "trying to be perfect" would earn His Love.  It is SO FREEING to FINALLY GET that He Loves me.  He Loves ME.  He Loves ME because HE IS LOVE!  He Loved me when I was a Lutheran, and He Loves me Now and He would Love me if I was an agnostic and He would Love me if I was an atheist.  He Loves ME!  He is NOT out to get me! 

Guess What?  He LOVES YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You can't DO anything to make Him Love you More and NOTHING you could DO could ever make Him Love you any less!

I LOVE the New Living Translation of the Bible!  What I knew before was head knowledge.  This Version helps me read all of the verses I grew up knowing, in a different light.  That's why it FEEDS my HEART the way I need it to be fed.

So, whatever comes my way, good or bad, whether I have 2 Months, 3 Years, or 40 Years left on this earth, I KNOW without a doubt, that HE IS GOOD and HE IS LOVING! That's a GREAT Place to be in Life! :-)

My Definition of Peace:

Praise Him Knowing with Absolute Certainty that
Everything is ALWAYS in His Capable Hands
And that He will Lovingly
Care for Me and Guide Me thru this Life and into
Eternity with Him Forevermore.

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13 NLT

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!  His faithful love endures forever." 
Psalms 136:1 NLT

"For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."
James 1:3 NLT

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them."
Psalm 112:7 NLT

Our Story Is Just Too Perfect To Be A Series of Coincidences!

“There are No real coincidences in life for those with faith strong enough to recognize coincidences for what they really are: intricate pieces of the providential design God created for each of our lives”
― Delia Parr, Love's First Bloom

 

     Six years ago my Small Groupies were helping me process my fears about a big upcoming change in my life.  I accepted a position at LM in Mishawaka and would be working 11:00 AM - 7:15 PM Monday thru Friday.  This was an answer to prayer!  I had been waitressing for 6 months and would seriously cry if I got a bad or non-existant tip because I was only making $2.13 an hour and needed to pay my bills!  Oh, and I would soon have health insurance again, which was something I didn't have for a year!  This was a GOOD change! :-)  Those who know me, know that change is hard for me.  The smaller the change the better! LOL :-)  I'm still having mini freak outs because the new coat I bought this week isn't as warm as my old one was!  See, I told you I have a hard time with change!  I often allow my fears, whether rational or not, to rule my mind and sabotage any excitement I have about an upcoming change in my life. 

 

     In regards to this particular life change, I was convinced that I would no longer have a social life since I worked till 7:15pm.  Most of my friends started work at 8:00 AM.  No one would want to meet me for dinner at 7:30pm, and I couldn't be involved at Church because most things started at 6:30pm!  This was a big deal and a real fear!  My small group jokingly and lovingly asked, "So do you think your friends will turn into pumpkins at 7:15pm?"  Well, when they said it that way, it was funny!  Of course not! LOL  Most people do not go to bed at 7:30 PM.  We still joke about it to this day!  Eventually I got into my new routine and yes, friends did still meet me for Dinner, and a Sunday night small group began, which was a HUGE Blessing for me! 

    Those who know me, also know that I am a huge numbers and dates gal!  I started my new job on March 17th, 2008.  It was because of working in the same building, that I eventually met and started dating Jonathan (who had started working at LM just 5 months before I did).  Our first date was October 9th, 2009 (Thanks to Sara and Doug!!!).  We got engaged December 10th, 2010 and we were Married on July 8th, 2011.  I was 37.5 years old and Jonathan turned 36 just two days after the wedding.  About a year after we got married, Jonathan was asked by his Dad to be his power of attorney.  His Dad had lung cancer and needed our help.  He was hospitalized many times and was in a nursing home the last 5 months of his life.  Jonathan stepped up to the plate to help get his Dad the care he needed.  Those were 5 difficult months, but we treasure the memories and time spent with K-Man.  He knew he was loved!  His Dad passed away on February 26th, 2013.  We planned the Memorial Service on the 27th and the 28th I was admitted to the hospital and 2 days later had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed.  I was released the next day and went straight to his Dad's memorial service.  Wow!  Last year at this time was rough, REALLY, REALLY rough, but we were so blessed to have each other for support and encouragement.  Jonathan took great care of me! 

 

     Fast forward to December of 2013.  Jonathan applied for a different position at LM.  It was a long process and he had to give a presentation.  He was notified on the 1 Year Anniversary of his Dad's death (February 26th, 2014, that he GOT the new Position!  He is being promoted!  I am so PROUD of him and excited for him!  I know he will do a great job and this job will better utilize his many talents!  He starts his new position as Trainer on Monday, March 3rd, 2014! :-)

 

 

 

     Here is the best part of this whole story for this "numbers gal"!  The first new hire class that Jonathan will train, starts on March 17th, 2014.  My 6 year Anniversary at LM is on March 17th, 2014!  If anyone would have told me on March 17th, 2008 (my first day at LM in the training class), that 6 years from today I would be Married to the new Trainer at LM, I NEVER would have believed it!!!!!  First of all, I never thought I'd get married, even though I really wanted to, and secondly, I was completely against being friends with anyone from work! LOL  Thanks to Holly for not listening to me when I told her I didn't make friends at work! LOL  If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have even considered dating someone who worked in the same building as I did! 

 

Wow!  Just Wow!  This numbers girl is very happy!  So many things happened that I believe were orchestrated by God to get us to the point we are at now!  I don't believe it was just a bunch of coincidences.   I'm so thankful God brought us together and continues to shower our lives with His Blessings!  I love you Jonathan!  I'm your biggest Cheerleader and I am so very proud to be called your Wife!  We have a lot to celebrate this weekend in Chicago and a lot to celebrate on Monday, March 17th! :-)

 

 



I Can't Believe This Is MY Life!

God has Blessed me with FAR more than I ever could have asked for or imagined!

 

I am overwhelmed with awe and thankfulness for the life I am living right now!  Is this really MY life?  Had I not gone thru years of challenges, difficulties and loneliness, I KNOW I wouldn't be even half as appreciative as I am today!  God is GOOD Now and He was GOOD Then!  It's just easier to see when life is going very well!

 

What I'm Thankful For

 

• Undeserved and definitely unearned GRACE from my Savior Jesus!

 

• MY HUSBAND.  I was single for 37.5 Years!  We will be celebrating our 2 Year Anniversary on July 8th and I couldn't be happier!  I am Married to my perfect match and now all of my single years make sense!  There was a purpose!  God was strengthening me thru the tough times.



 

• The fact that we are DEBT FREE.  Yes, we worked very hard to get where we are at, but it was only because we are both Blessed with jobs.

 

• VACATIONS!  We have this coming week off of work and get to spend it in Northern MI enjoying each other, and the beauty of God's creation!  We get to rest and get rejuvenated from our challenging start to the year (FIL passing and my hospitalization the same week - This was our last "vacation").  In  September we get to visit my MIL in WV, and in January we get to go to ARUBA where we will spend 7 nights at an all-inclusive resort.  It will be a nice break from the Indiana winter permacloud and  we will be celebrating my 40th Birthday.

 

• HEALTH.  I am so very thankful for my health and the health of my Husband!  I had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed in March.  I was hospitalized for 3 nights.  Between my Husband and I we have collectively lost 123 lbs since February of 2012.  That's a whole person!  We are eating healthier and also walking.  We LOVE Weight Watchers Online! :)  We both feel SO much better and it's an Amazing feeling to be fitting into smaller sizes of clothing that we haven't worn in years!  I was prediabetic in Feb of 2012 and I am proud to say that I kicked prediabetes to the curb! :)

 

• FAMILY & FRIENDS.  We have wonderful family and lots of wonderful friends.  We LOVE being "Aunt Jenny & Uncle Jonathan".  We are blessed to have lots of little (and many not so little anymore) ones to love and spoil!  What an Honor to be in these influential roles!

 

I know that life can change in an instant, but right now I'm thoroughly loving and enjoying this life that I am Blessed to live!  Thanks God!  :)