We Are Learning Each Other's Love Languages!

     Do you know what your significant other's love language is?  Do you know what your love language is?  If not, I think it is imperative to your relationship that you find out what each other's love language is!  We often communicate our love for others in ways that we like to receive love.  You may have the best of intentions, and be trying really hard to show someone how much they mean to you!  However, if how they receive love is different from how you are giving love, your significant other's love tank is not going to get filled up. This leaves him/her feeling unloved.  Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book, which I'm sure you have heard of. It's called "The 5 Love Languages".  The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Quality Time

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

     Your love languages can also change over time. I think Physical Touch was my primary love language when I wasn't dating anyone, because I wasn't getting many hugs, etc.  It was only a year ago that I found out "Gifts" were one of my top love languages. 

     Jonathan's primary love language is Physical Touch.  This isn't just referring to sex.  He loves hugs, hand holding, etc.  Jonathan feels loved when he is given physical touch. 

     My primary love language is Words of Affirmation.  Therefore, I tend to give words of affirmation to Jonathan.  If I don't give Jonathan physical touch, words of affirmation aren't going to make him feel loved.  I could compliment him till I'm blue in the face and he would like hearing it, but it's not going to make him feel nearly as loved as if I were to hug him.  He has come SO far in learning my love language!

     My second love language is Gifts.  However, I didn't know that gifts were one of my love languages until we didn't get each other anything for Christmas or Valentine's Day right after we got engaged. Let's just say we both learned from those days! :)  How could Jonathan know Gifts were one of my love languages, if I didn't even know?  I think that's often how we find out what our love languages are, when our needs are not met.  Now that Jonathan knows that gifts are my second love language, he can work at meeting that need, and he has been doing a wonderful job! :)  He got me these roses for our 1 year Engagiversary:

 He got me this beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas! :)

     And he got me these beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day, along with a water bottle and Season One of "Mike & Molly"!  This was my best Valentine's Day ever!  Thank you honey! :)  It's not about the money spent, it's about the thoughts, efforts, feelings that go into getting/giving the gifts!  Here is an awesome quote I saw this week on Facebook (It was a status of "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married":

The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that is communicated by the gift...the gift is quickly gone but the memory lingers.

There is a 5 week love languages challenge going on, which I signed up for and was going to blog about.  However, it wasn't what I expected.  The first challenge it gave me, because Jonathan's love language is physical touch, was to read a book about sex and discuss it with Jonathan.  Jonathan thought that idea was not helpful either!  I thought it would give me daily reminders to hug him, kiss him etc.  Anways, that's why I decided to just blog about the 5 love languages! :)

I would like to know what your love language is.  I'm asking everyone who reads this blog to please take the love language quiz, and let me know what your top love language is! :)  All you need to do is click here, take the quiz and then comment back on my blog with your primary love language.  Please, for the sake of your relationships, if you have a significant other, ask them to take it as well!  You will learn a lot about each other, and what they need to feel loved by you. You will also learn ways that they may be showing you love, just not in the way that you need to be shown it.

Now, go show love to your neighbor, friend, spouse, parent, children, etc! :)  We all need to be shown love!

What I've Learned In My 1st 95 Days of Marriage

     As you probably have already guessed after reading the Title of this post, we have been married for 95 days today!  :) Wow!  Time flies! In some ways I feel so comfortable with Jonathan that it feels like we have been together forever.  In other ways, I can't believe we've been married for over 3 months already!  I would be lying if I said this transition has been 100% smooth sailing.  After all, we are 2 human beings who only had to think about ourselves for years.  This isn't to say we were selfish people, it's just that we didn't have anyone else to consider in day to day living.  If I wanted to watch "The Notebook" on a Friday evening, I would watch "The Notebook". If Jonathan wanted to watch "Lord of The Rings", he would watch "Lord of The Rings.  We can still watch those movies, but now there is someone else's opinions/preferences to consider as well.  Jonathan turned 36 two days after the wedding.  I turned 37 in January. (I'm such a "cougar"!) We both had a long time to get "set in our ways".  All in all we are both very happy!  We are beginning our marriage on the foundation of the one who created marriage.  I think I appreciate Jonathan and my marriage to him so much more, simply because I had to wait for him for a very long time.  I know what it's like to be alone, to not be part of a family, to not have someone know if you live or die on your drive home.  Sad, but true.  Now I see clearly that God was preparing me for my "Mr. Right".  I'm learning that His ways are ALWAYS best.  He knows what is best for me.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

Here are the Top 5 Things I've learned in My 1st 95 Days of Marriage (in no particular order):

1. I'm thankful for commitment.  The first 2 weeks after we moved into "our" new place were a bit rough.  We were both used to living alone.  We both, especially me, don't like change. There were many times that we butted heads.  It was in those times that I understood why the commitment of a marriage (till death do us part) is so important. God knows that too! :) I'm happy to say things are much better now that we've had more time to adjust!
2. If I'm focusing on something I think Jonathan needs to work on, I more than likely need to turn the focus back to what I can do to work on improving myself.  I can't control him, nor should I try to, but I should be focusing on how I can become a better person/wife, not focusing on what I "think" he needs to work on.
3. I'm learning balancing marriage with my social life is easier said than done. All of you singles out there know what I mean when I say singles can feel forgotten because their friends are so busy with their husbands and children.  I still don't fully understand how hectic life with children can be, but I do have more of an understanding of the fact that even in a marriage, there is less time to devote to friends.   Maintaining and growing our friendships with others is very important to both of us.  I'm very thankful for that!  Jonathan has his times with his guy friends, and I have my times with my girlfriends.  We also do things with other couples.  When I lived alone, I was texting/calling friends a lot more than I am now.  I finally feel like I belong.  I belong with Jonathan.  I'm still working at finding balance in time with Jonathan and time with friends.  It may be a little more challenging because we work such different work hours and only have 1 weekend off together a month. 
4. Sex is not as big of a part of a marriage as we both had made it out to be in our heads before we got married. Don't get me wrong, sex is wonderful and God's plan for marriage is best!  We are far from perfect, but with God's help, we both waited to have sex until after we were married.  Yes, I know this is practically unheard of now a days, but we are both glad we waited. When you feel you "can't have something (due to Christian beliefs"..ie...sex before marriage)"...it makes it that much more appealing.  All thru my 20's and 30's,  I hoped I would get married soon so I could have sex before Jesus came to take me home to heaven, whether at the end of the world, or thru death.  We both have said that we built it up so much in our heads, and gave it far too much importance prior to marriage.  It's an awesome part of marriage, but it's not everything. We are learning together and I'm thankful we don't have baggage to deal with in this area of our life together.
5. The financial aspect of our lives is SO much easier with 2 incomes and 1 rent.  This is NOT a reason to get married, but once you find the right one, this is a HUGE perk! :) I had NO idea how much easier it would be before I got married.  I had always supported myself and lived alone.  After we got married, I changed my marital status for my taxes.  I did not change the deductions, yet I am getting over $93.00 extra in my checks each month!  We are paying less on auto insurance due to the multi-car discount, we only have 1 rent to pay and we no longer have to save/pay for the wedding!  We just paid off the rings (no interest!) last weekend!  In less than a year we will be debt Free! :)  However, it is also important to note, that we both learned how to handle our finances and get a grip on them before we got married.   We are now tithing faithfully and can't wait to be debt free.