The Fight For My Mental Health

It's been a long 3 months!!  Very long!!   Some of you may be thinking, The Fight for your mental health?  It's not like you are fighting cancer, or diabetes, or heart disease!  What do you mean by "The Fight for My Mental Health"?    If you have ever dealt with a mental illness, you know exactly what I'm referring to!  It is a Fight!  It's a huge fight and it's not a fight for one who backs down easily.  It takes persistence and consistency and never giving up!  I'll give you a run down of the timeline (thus far) of my fight to get better.

March 17th  -  I cried at work.

March 20th - I went to the Dr b/c of my Depression getting worse.  She told me I needed better coping skills and upped my Prozac from 10 mg to 20 mg.

March 25th -  I had a 7 am counseling appointment with my Counselor who taught me Mindfulness.

April 21st - I had an awful crying day at work on the 20th.  i was able to take the 21st off and called my Dr. at 8:15 am on the 21st, to try and get in to be seen.  My Depression was getting much worse, and not better.  My Dr said she could not see me and told me to go to Epworth.  I later found out that Epworth is an inpatient facility only.  Since I was not a harm to myself or to others and was not suicidal, I had to wait till Monday, April 24th, to be seen.  My Dr.. did not offer me any other appointments with other Dr.'s at her practice that Friday.  When i saw my Dr. on Monday the 24th of April, she upped my Prozac from 20 mg to 40 mg.  I was crying uncontrollably and told her I  could not function.   She looked at me with a straight face and said "So you are going back to work tomorrow, right?".  I said "I just told you I cannot function!  No, I cannot go back to work tomorrow.  She offered to write a note.  I told her notes don't work at my place of employment and that I needed FMLA to secure my job.  I was in disbelief, I had always gotten along with her before and had no problems with her, until my depression started acting up.  She had been prescribing my meds for 6 years and not once had I ever had issues severe enough that I went to see her in regards to my depression.  I was not a "cry wolf" type of patient.  She finally agreed to give me 2 weeks of FMLA.  I filed for FMLA, but not for short term disability because I needed to use my vacation time for our mission trip to Ecuador in July.

After, being shocked and very unhappy with how the appointment went with my Dr on the 24th, I made an appointment to see a new Dr. on April 26th.  He was awesome, but most of all because he possessed empathy and understanding in regards to depression.  We set up another appointment for me to see him for a follow-up on Friday, May 5th, before I returned to work on May 8th.  He wanted me to have another week off to see my Counselor and work on getting better, so he gave me another week of FMLA.  I took that unpaid as well.

I went back to work on Monday, May 15th.  I worked the 15th-18th (Mon-Thurs) and by the end of the day on Thursday I was behind on my work and crying.  I was able to take the 19th off of work.  I got in to see my new Dr. on the 20th.  I told him that every time the old Dr upped my Prozac, 3 weeks later, I would be crying uncontrollably.  He believed me and set up a plan for me to be weaned off of the med.  He agreed to up my Seroquel from 200-300 mg.  We also both agreed that it was time for me to apply for short term disability while getting used to new meds and waiting to see a Psych Specialist. My Husband and I decided it was not in my best interest to go out of the country on the mission trip at this time.   When I first saw this Dr. on April 26th, he got me on a referral list for a Psychiatrist.  I called that place on May 18th and found out I was on a waiting list for a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner because that Psychiatrist only saw adolescents and children.  The last time I checked (a few days ago), they will be calling to schedule an appointment with me in the next week or 2, but I probably won't be seen until the end of July/beginning of August.

I had a follow-up appointment with my new Dr on Friday, June 2nd.  I had gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks due to my meds making me crave bad stuff, and me giving in to those cravings.  He advised me to push thru the extreme tiredness and avoid sleeping whenever I was tired.  It's been hard, but I was successful yesterday, and I have been successful today..  I have an appointment on June 27th for blood work to be drawn and then my next follow-up appointment with my Dr is July 6th.  

I  applied for Short Term Disability thru my Employer on May 19th.  Due to a Holiday and some miscommunication between my Dr.s Office and my Employer, my employer just received the needed paperwork from my Dr late on Friday June 2nd.  Today is June 6th and I am still waiting for an answer as ti whether my short term disability will be approved or denied.

During all of this my Husband got a promotion at work.  God is good and is watching out for us.  I am very much at peace right now in regards to my short term disability getting approved or denied.  I don't know what will happen.  Since I was feeling so much peace, I used the concordance in my NLT Bible and I found the following verse: " Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you."  Job 22:21.  I can honestly say that I feel that's what I'm doing now, submitting to God.  My health has to come first.  I'm glad my Husband realizes that, and I'm glad we live modestly and live below our means.  I am not worried.

So, there you have it.  This is my saga thus far.  I think the uppage of seroquel and the weaning off of prozac has helped, but I'm still dealing with the side effects of the seroquel, which aren't fun.  



Thank you to the Friends who have stopped by, called and/or texted, or have sent me well wishes thru my Husband at work, or to me thru FB.  I really appreciate it.  It is nice to be thought of and know that I'm cared for.  God's got this.  I'm not worried.  I just want to get better.  

So there you have it.  That's what I mean by "The Fight For My Mental Health", and it's not over yet.

As a bracelet given to me by a friend says "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it".  With God and Jonathan on my side, I can and will come out of this stronger!

Peace, Love, and Joy to you All!

Love,

J-La-Sta

Overwhelming Gratitude

We received a Christmas card, on Christmas Eve, from Dear Friends, who I have known since I was a little girl.  It was so nice to hear from them, but most of all, the handwritten note is what meant so much to me.  She had gotten our Christmas photo card in the mail showing our many Blessings.  She told me that she is currently reading a book called "364 Days of Thanksgiving".  It's a devotional, and the goal of the Author is to spur "overwhelming gratitude, which leads to overwhelming generosity".  The secret, he says, to overwhelming gratitude is :  open your eyes.  My Friend said:  "You two have done that and your faces show it.  "Godliness with contentment is great gain."  God is good!"  It meant so much to me to have someone who knew me in my childhood/teenage years, and knows my struggle with depression, see in my eyes and face, that we are grateful and content.  I truly am!  I couldn't ask for more.  Well, OK, I'd gladly have my depression taken away....but other than that....Life is Good!  We are so blessed!  We have each other, our new home, and our precious Mookie boy, but most of all, we have a Savior who will never leave us!  I've found that my contentment comes from God and from realizing His many blessings to me.  Of course it took me years of hard times to be able to get to this point, but I am truly content.  God has Blessed us!  I pray that you can find contentment in your life, and are able to see your Blessings, even in the midst of hard times.  Life is tough, but God is Faithful! :-)

Merry Christmas! :-)

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 7

My Year of Thanks

May 1st - May 7th, 2015

 

May 1st

1. Mexican food and a nice walk with Carey.
2. I got to deliver clothes to Debbie for Tyler, from Carey's boys.
3. My Husband had beautiful, bright and cheery flowers waiting for me when I got home.

May 2nd

1. Seeing my Sister Pam graduate with her Masters Degree.
2. Warm weather.
3. Being "Heiman Strong" with Family and eating at Red Lobster.

May 3rd

1. Free Rise & Roll donuts at Church.
2. Technology - being able to make video messages for my Nieces/Nephews.
3. Blueberries (my favorite) were on sale at Meijer.

May 4th

1. A day off work and at home - all to myself.
2. Being the first person to let my friend April know she won Pulse FM's Makeover Monday.
3. Thankful my BIL lives close to a great hospital (Froedert) with Sarcoma Specialists. We don't have any here in South Bend.

May 5th

1. Wonderful, encouraging words from my Friend Carolyn, reaffirming how far I have come and that she is proud of me.
2. Scott & Debbie received lots of good news today! No more lovenox shots and soon no more PICC line!
3. I remembered to make my coffee this morning! :-)

May 6th

1. The weather was nice enough for me to walk outside today! :-)
2. I got a voicemail message from my sweet friend Mary, even though I missed her call.
3. The wonderful and inspiring blog post I read from Jason Tippetts about a 1st since his wife's passing.

May 7th

1. Electricity - I take it for granted often.
2. That we can afford to eat out when the electricity is out.
3. Living close to work - especially when I'm running late for work.



Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 6

My Year of Thanks!

April 24th - April 30th, 2015

 

April 24th

1. I'm Thankful my BIL's 1st Chemo Treatment went well.
2. I'm Thankful I woke up to a beautiful new pic of my Sister and her Family on FB.
3. I'm Thankful my wonderful Husband cleaned the Apartment Tonight.

April 25th

1. I'm Thankful I got to spend time with Family at my Cousin Katie's Bridal Shower.
2. I'm Thankful my car is ready for my drive to Wisconsin.
3. I'm Thankful for napping in the Afternoon.

April 26th

1. I'm Thankful for a great, comforting, and applicable Church Service.
2. I'm Thankful for yummy Jasmine's Favorite rice dish that I got to eat at Aladdins for Lunch.
3. I'm Thankful I achieved 990 Lifetime Miles with my Fitbit - I've walked the entire length of New Zealand.

April 27th

1. I'm Thankful for a great counseling session with the best Counselor Ever!  He told me I was doing really well!  I needed this validation!
2. I'm Thankful I had a productive day at work.
3. I'm Thankful my Hubby got gas for me so the car is all set for my trip to Wisconsin Tomorrow Evening.

April 28th

1. I'm Thankful I had a safe drive to Wisconsin.
2. I'm Thankful I got to see Chuck and Carey.
3. I'm Thankful that I am off work for the next 6 days - a much needed break.

April 29th

1. I'm Thankful I got to help my Sister with daycare, got to pick things up at the Store for her.
2. I'm Thankful I got to go to Culver's with my Sister and my Nieces and Nephews for their School Fundraiser.
3. I'm Thankful for Laughter in the van this Evening, coming from all 6 of us.

April 30th

1. I'm Thankful that my BIL Scott got to see his girls participate in their track meet Today.
2. I'm Thankful that Starbucks gave me another caramel macchiato for free, after I spilled my Sister's drink in the car.
3. I'm Thankful for Quality time alone with my Nieces and Nephews this Evening.

 

Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 5

My Year of Thanks!

April 17th - April 23rd, 2015

 

April 17th

1. Thankful for the opportunity to serve Debbie & Scott by creating/running the CaringBridge Website for them.
2. Thankful for a nice walk with my Husband to enjoy the warm weather.
3. Thankful I made it thru the work week after a hard, emotional week in my personal life.

April 18th

1. Thankful for the beauty of nature which we enjoyed at Pokagon State Park Today.
2. Thankful for a delicious meal at Caruso's.
3. Thankful I was 2 lbs down after a rough week.  This was a huge scale and non-scale victory!

April 19th

1. Safe travels home from Angola.
2. Thankful for a bit of relaxation at a coffee shop in Angola.
3. Thankful for free Breakfast at our Hotel.

April 20th

1. I'm So, So Grateful that the Cardioversion worked to get my BIL's heart back into rhythm.
2. Thankful for the technology of texting.  It's a lot easier keeping updated when far away from loved ones.
3. The Blessing of Friends Praying on our behalf.

April 21st

1. I was able to focus better at work Today.
2. I head an Awesome song on the way home from work that excited and comforted me.
3. I'm thankful my Sister's Family has a huge support system both near and far.

April 22nd

1. I'm thankful that I have a Husband who cooks every night. What a Godsend!
2. I'm thankful said Husband set up an oil change appointment so the car is ready for my drive to WI on my days off next week.
3. I'm thankful the snow melted.

April 23rd

1. "The Hardest Peace", A book written by Kara Tippetts - I read half of it this Evening.
2. Meijer MPerks - Helps to save money.
3. Medicine which helps even out my chemical imbalances.





Gratitude For God's Gifts of Love to Me - Week 4

My Year of Thanks!

April 10th - April 16th, 2015

 

Not Gonna Lie!  This was an incredibly hard week to stay grateful!  April 9th we found out that my Brother-in-Law very likely had cancer.  Then on April 15th, we found out he has a very rare form of Sarcoma cancer.  At times I went for days without writing down the 3 things I was grateful for each day.  The important thing, is that I went back and actually wrote 3 things down for each day I missed. I started my "Year of Thankfulness" on March 20th.  Little did I know at that time, how challenging, yet important it would be for me to continue to be grateful, regardless of the circumstances in my life or in the lives of those I love, and no matter how "down" I felt.  God is Good!  All the Time! 

April 10th

1. Cookie Butter
2. Decaf Coffee
3. The Weekend - After a Very Long Week.

April 11th

1. Natural Vitamin D - NOT in the form of a pill!
2. My "baby" Sister Debbie.
3. My 2.4 lb weight loss.

April 12th

1. Shawn Holtgren - He's a great Friend & Encourager to us - Oh, he Married us too!! ;-)
2. The fact that I don't need bifocals.....yet!
3. Great Vision Insurance.

April 13th

1. Weight Watchers low point, yummy ice cream treats.
2. Two hours of Overtime.
3. Sunshine.

April 14th

1. I got our taxes done/filed.
2. We owed less in taxes than we did last year.
3. My Sunrise Simulator.

April 15th

1. My Awesome Friend Mary
2. My Awesome Friend Alice
3. My Awesome Cousin Chad

April 16th

1. My Co-Worker Beth coming back to work, and lightening my work load.
2. "Oh my God, He will not delay, my refuge and strength, Always!" - Great Lyrics from a song that was on the Radio during my drive home from work. Very timely lyrics!
3. Dinner with a Great Friend - We encouraged each other.  What a Blessing!



My Year of Thankfulness Starts Tomorrow!

The Small Group That I Facilitate every other Wednesday Evening started a Study by Ann Voskamp last Evening.  It is a Study based on her book "One Thousand Gifts - A Dare To LIVE FULLY Right Where you Are."  She encourages us to make a "Gift List" to count the ways Jesus Loves Us.  Tonight I decided that I am going to write down 3 things each day that I am Thankful for.  What better time to start this than when I am in the middle of a depressive episode!  "There is hope and transformative power in counting our blessings and naming the good gifts of God--because we encounter the power of God Himself in our lives.  If you want to discover the rhythms of grace, joy, and true thankfulness, count the gifts God has given and the ones He is giving you at this very moment."

 

I love the quote below!  Wow!  I never thought of it this way before, but it makes perfect sense.  If I'm afraid, then I'm really fearing that He doesn't love me.  His love never ends, it's just my thought patterns change.

 



I can't think of a more perfect day than the first day of Spring (March 20th, 2015), to start my Year of Thankfulness.  I will write down 3 things each day (yes that will come to 1,095 things I'm Thankful for when March 19th, 2016 arrives, but can we ever be TOO Thankful?), that I am Thankful for.  Once a week I will write a blog (at the end of the week) discussing the 21 things I am Thankful for that week.

I am SO Excited to start this Journey and to Study this Book with my Small Group Friends.

I may have depression, but I won't let depression have me!

"God is Good and I am Always Loved" ~ Ann Voskamp

My Life 5 Years Ago - Then vs. Now

My Life 5 Years Ago - May 1st, 2007

• I was unemployed.
• I relocated back to my hometown of South Bend, IN which meant leaving behind 15 years worth of friends.
• I had been denied unemployment (which I eventually fought and won) so I had no income coming in for over 3 months.
• My Grandmother was gracious enough to let me live with her.
• My Mom's cancer was in her bones.
• I was single and thought I would never find the right guy!
• That July my Nephew was diagnosed with a heart condition which was a birth defect that wasn't caught until he was almost 13 years old.  He had major open heart surgery that September.
• The economy in South Bend/Elkhart IN was awful.  It took me a year of looking to get 1 job offer.  After unemployment ran out (I got it for only 6 months), I took a waitressing job in the meantime to pay the bills.  I would cry if I got jipped on a tip b/c I really needed the money.
• Life was extremely difficult.
• Life was lonely.
• It didn't help matters any that I had the "I'm the victim" mentality, in fact it made my situation worse.
• I was not emotionally healthy.
• I understood that God loved me in my head, but not in my heart.

My Life Now - May 1st, 2012

• I have been working at the same job for 4 years and 1.5 months.
• I have been married for almost 10 months to a man I met thru said job. Our 1st date was almost 2.5 years after I moved back to South Bend.
• My Nephew Trey is doing great!  God spared his life and his last check-up with the cardiologist showed everything looks great!
• I saw an amazing Christian Counselor for about 2 years and 3 months and worked on my issues.
• I have been with my same Small Group for over 4 years.  They have helped me to grow and with God's help to overcome my former "victim mentality", although it still is my first nature and I still fight it!
• Overall, I am emotionally healthy now.
• I am not lonely.  I have Jonathan and lots of friends, both old and new!
• My husband and I plan on being debt free sometime this Summer.
• Life is challenging, but is no longer extremely difficult.
• I wish I could say my Mom's cancer battle is over, and that she is in remission, however she continues to fight the battle!  She is the strongest woman I know and has been a Survivor for over 12 years and 2 months!
• My relationship with my Savior is strong and growing! I know he loves ME unconditionally!

The Moral of my story is:  God has a plan for your life and even if things aren't going so great now, it doesn't mean things will be like that forever.  My life didn't magically get better overnight.  It took many years of perseverance and hard work.  I am in a great season in my life now, so I'm going to appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  My hope is that the next time I hit hard times in my life, that I will "Praise Him in the storm".

We Are Learning Each Other's Love Languages!

     Do you know what your significant other's love language is?  Do you know what your love language is?  If not, I think it is imperative to your relationship that you find out what each other's love language is!  We often communicate our love for others in ways that we like to receive love.  You may have the best of intentions, and be trying really hard to show someone how much they mean to you!  However, if how they receive love is different from how you are giving love, your significant other's love tank is not going to get filled up. This leaves him/her feeling unloved.  Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book, which I'm sure you have heard of. It's called "The 5 Love Languages".  The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Quality Time

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

     Your love languages can also change over time. I think Physical Touch was my primary love language when I wasn't dating anyone, because I wasn't getting many hugs, etc.  It was only a year ago that I found out "Gifts" were one of my top love languages. 

     Jonathan's primary love language is Physical Touch.  This isn't just referring to sex.  He loves hugs, hand holding, etc.  Jonathan feels loved when he is given physical touch. 

     My primary love language is Words of Affirmation.  Therefore, I tend to give words of affirmation to Jonathan.  If I don't give Jonathan physical touch, words of affirmation aren't going to make him feel loved.  I could compliment him till I'm blue in the face and he would like hearing it, but it's not going to make him feel nearly as loved as if I were to hug him.  He has come SO far in learning my love language!

     My second love language is Gifts.  However, I didn't know that gifts were one of my love languages until we didn't get each other anything for Christmas or Valentine's Day right after we got engaged. Let's just say we both learned from those days! :)  How could Jonathan know Gifts were one of my love languages, if I didn't even know?  I think that's often how we find out what our love languages are, when our needs are not met.  Now that Jonathan knows that gifts are my second love language, he can work at meeting that need, and he has been doing a wonderful job! :)  He got me these roses for our 1 year Engagiversary:

 He got me this beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas! :)

     And he got me these beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day, along with a water bottle and Season One of "Mike & Molly"!  This was my best Valentine's Day ever!  Thank you honey! :)  It's not about the money spent, it's about the thoughts, efforts, feelings that go into getting/giving the gifts!  Here is an awesome quote I saw this week on Facebook (It was a status of "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married":

The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that is communicated by the gift...the gift is quickly gone but the memory lingers.

There is a 5 week love languages challenge going on, which I signed up for and was going to blog about.  However, it wasn't what I expected.  The first challenge it gave me, because Jonathan's love language is physical touch, was to read a book about sex and discuss it with Jonathan.  Jonathan thought that idea was not helpful either!  I thought it would give me daily reminders to hug him, kiss him etc.  Anways, that's why I decided to just blog about the 5 love languages! :)

I would like to know what your love language is.  I'm asking everyone who reads this blog to please take the love language quiz, and let me know what your top love language is! :)  All you need to do is click here, take the quiz and then comment back on my blog with your primary love language.  Please, for the sake of your relationships, if you have a significant other, ask them to take it as well!  You will learn a lot about each other, and what they need to feel loved by you. You will also learn ways that they may be showing you love, just not in the way that you need to be shown it.

Now, go show love to your neighbor, friend, spouse, parent, children, etc! :)  We all need to be shown love!

5 Reasons Why This Was My Best Christmas Ever!

1. It was my 1st Christmas married to Jonathan.   Thanks to Mom and Don for our "1st Christmas" ornament!  We have been married for 170 days today! We love being married, but most importantly we love being married to each other! We each had many lonely Christmases in the past.  We weren't lonely this year and for that we are both very thankful!  Jonathan's Dad told us yesterday that we are a "Match Made in Heaven". He's right! This kind of match could be nothing other than something orchestrated by the Creator of Love, God Himself.                                               
2. We have started our own Family Christmas traditions.  We love our families of origin and our extended family and we love to celebrate with them, but what was extra special about this year is that we started our own family traditions.  It's hard to start your own Christmas traditions as a single person, because your family of origin is your only family. We may not have children, but we do have our little family. We both agreed it was important to starts those traditions for our 1st married Christmas, because they get harder to change as the years pass.  It is important to us to see family, so this year we saw family on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day was just us.  Our tradition is that we will spend 1 day with family and 1 day with just us.  I will touch on why this is important for me this time of year when I get to reason # 5.
3. We both put a lot of thought and effort into purchasing gifts for each other.  Last year we both asked each other what we wanted for Christmas, but we didn't really know, and neither of us ended up purchasing gifts for the other.  I didn't realize that "Gifts" was one of my top love languages until I didn't get anything from Jonathan.  This year, we both put a lof of effort into it, and the effort paid off.  It's not about the money spent, but rather about the effort put into making the other person feel special.  We were both successful at that this year!  It's fun to be someone's top priority when it comes to gift giving!
4. We have been blessed and therefore were able to bless others this Christmas.  Last year we started a tradition of helping those in need. and sponsored a family at the local homeless shelter.  This year my Small Group sponsored a family where a set of Grandparents are raising their 8 Grandchildren.  I got tired just reading their ages.  Jonathan and I contributed to making this family's Christmas more special. That's a good feeling!  We were also able to bless our nieces/nephews, parents, etc with gifts. For many years as a single person money was tight and on top of that I wasn't managing my money as well as we are now. I was often unable to give presents to family.  It feels good to be a blessing to others and we are thankful for how blessed we are!  We have no wedding to pay for and we have 1 rent instead of 2.  We are also down to 1 student loan and 1 car payment! All of these things sure make a huge difference!
5. My SAD is much more controlled this year.  December has been a hard month for me for as long as I can remember but especially since 12/8/1999 when my Dad passed away.  SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder which is also known as Winter Depression.  The symptoms start in early Fall and end when Spring begins. Some of the symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on or completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, social activities, and lack of interest in activities you typically enjoy during the spring/summer months.  For these reasons, Christmas isn't one of my favorite Holidays.  I am thankful to God for sending us our most important Gift of His Son Jesus!  However, Easter is my favorite Holiday because of the comfort of the Resurrection.  This Christmas has been my best Christmas Ever, and here are the  reasons why:  This year I have the stability/security of being married, I have been walking, I am on medicine that is controlling the depression/anxiety quite well.  Typically I cry a lot this time of year and withdraw from social activities because I just want to hibernate and be alone.  I'm happy to say I haven't really cried at all this year. I wish Christmas was in July, because then I would spend more time with my family of origin/extended family.  I still get stressed easily and this is another reason why Jonathan and I decided to start our tradition of spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day alone. Many love all of the hustle and bustle of seeing so many family members in a 2 day time frame.  In the Summer, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought. I love spending time with friend's and family!   However, in the winter, I often lack the energy to do so and it's hard to be around groups of people when I'm not feeling very well. 

I want to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year! 


Love,




Jen (& Jonathan)

The Gift

     In 9 days I will celebrate my first married Christmas with my husband Jonathan!  Today at work I heard the most AMAZING song on the radio!  It is by Collin Raye and Susan Ashton and it's called "The Gift"!  I've coined this as our Christmas love song! You can watch the video and lyrics belowif you'd like, or you can go here to view the lyrics. Thankfully Jonathan approves and agrees that it is a beautiful song! We are blessed beyond belief!  Obviously our most important Christmas gift is the birth of our Savior. He is the Reason for the Season!  

     I'm very much looking forward to our 1st married Christmas together!  In my many single years, I felt the loneliness of being single much more around the Holidays. We both spent many lonely Christmases in the past, and this makes us appreciate each other all the more!  I'm keenly aware of the fact that we live in a "couple's world".  It's unfortunate, because we are all unique individuals who should be accepted and acknowledged for who we are, not for what our marital status is!  Can I get an AMEN?! :)  I was a complete person before I met Jonathan, and I'm a complete person now, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm married!  Am I less lonely, yes! Do I feel a greater sense of peace and contentment, yes! Are there some things I miss about being single, there are a few things I suppose, but remember I had many years of the single life (which I enjoyed for the most part) and now I'm enjoying my married life with the man God sent to me in His perfect timing! :)  Did I doubt God would ever send me my "Mr. Right"?  Yep, sure did!  I didn't know if that was His plan for me or not.  Deep down I knew God had my best interest at heart, but I sure was lonely around the Holidays. 

     This year I'm thankful for the "The Gift" of my husband Jonathan and the love and bond that we share. Some may think this song is corny, but it touches my heart and I'm so thankful that regardless of if God blesses us with 5 married Christmases together on this earth or 50 married Christmase before He decides to call one or both of us home to heaven, what matters is that we get to spend THIS Christmas together. We will never again have a "1st Married Christmas Together". Jonathan is my 2nd most important Christmas gift. He would say the same about me and I'm more than OK with that!  :)

Jonathan, "I'm thankful EVERY day for The Gift"! :) 

Merry Christmas Baby! :)