I Used Facebook to Feed My Approval Addiction - For 8 Years!

Those words were hard to type. 

I've thought long and hard about my motivation for writing this post.  I've come to realize that my motivation for writing this post is NOT for approval.  It's not for likes or comments that I may or may not get.  I'm writing this because I feel I owe an explanation to my FB Friends who have "followed me" loved me, supported me, and encouraged me over the past 8 years.  I want to explain why I am hardly on FB anymore and most importantly, why I rarely post anything anymore.  So here goes it.....

When I first joined FB in August of 2007, I was not in a good place in life.  I had recently lost my job in Milwaukee, I had moved back to South Bend, leaving 15 years of Friends behind in Wisconsin.  I was unemployed, I had no money.  I was 33 years old,  I was Single, and I was living with my Grandma.  I didn't have close friends in South Bend yet, and didn't know many people here either.  All of that would be stressful enough for anyone.  Yet, on top of this, My Mom's cancer (she had been battling cancer for 7.5 years since my Dad passed away) was in her bones, and my 12 year old Nephew and Godson was awaiting open heart surgery for a birth defect that was found a month or 2 before that.  I was lonely, anxious, worried, stressed, and I could go on and on, but I won't.  You get the idea!  Playing the victim (my default) didn't help matters any at all, as you can imagine!

Facebook was my way of being able to keep in touch with Friends and Family who lived far away.  It made me feel loved and connected.  It made me feel like I belonged, like I mattered.  Because back then, I didn't believe that I mattered.  Sad, huh?  More that that, it gave me an outlet to post my feelings.  So, did I overshare?  Yes.  Have I continued to overshare?  Yes.  I'm a people person.  Sharing who I am and what I'm feeling is part of who I am.  I'm so appreciative of all of the support and encouragement I've received during my single years, my engagement, my marriage to Jonathan, our getting debt free after 1 year of marriage, the loss of Jonathan's Dad, my surgery a few days later, my Mom's continued battle with cancer, our extreme weight loss, and most recently, my 37 year old Brother-in-Law's (Father of 4) very rare Sarcoma cancer diagnosis.

I knew I was addicted to Facebook.  What I didn't realize until recently, was that I used Facebook to feed my approval addiction.  I was actually more addicted to approval (likes, positive comments, etc), than I was to Facebook, I just didn't realize it until now.  My choice to overshare, let people know about what was going on in my life, without even having to make an effort.  That was my fault. 

Emotional intimacy is not something that has come easy for us (me and Jonathan), especially for me.  I can be the center of attention in a big crowd and it takes no effort, it just comes naturally for me.  However, one on one emotional connection has always been more challenging for me.  Jonathan, by nature, is not an initiator.  So when I would sit on FB, he would watch TV and/or play games on his phone.  July 8th will be our 4 year anniversary.  We have been thru so many difficult and life changing events since getting married.   We are strong, both as individuals and as a couple.  We love to travel together and bless others.  God has been So Good to us!  We are so Blessed!  Most recently we have decided to start saving for a house, which we plan to purchase in the Spring/Summer of 2017. 

I don't want to say I've wasted 8 years of my life on FB.  That is not true.  Have I wasted a lot of time on FB?  Yes.  I would post something and then check over and over and over again to see if anyone or anyone new had "liked" it.  Come on!  I KNOW I'm not the only person who did that! LOL

Over the past 3 weeks or so, Jonathan and I have spent lots of quality time together.  You know what?  We don't get nearly as irritated with each other for "interrupting our FB/TV Time"!  You know why?  Because we are making each other a priority.  Quite honestly, I think we needed some "adjustment time" between getting married (after having been single for so long!) and having so much quality time together.  I regret some (not all) of the time I've wasted on FB.....but I don't regret encouraging others and sharing my story and our story!  I regret looking to FB for approval, instead of my Savior.  I regret giving people the power to help or hurt me simply by liking or not liking my status update.

So, will I post here and there?  Yes.  I'm not deleting my FB account.  I just am not on FB as much.  I don't post as much b/c a little bit of posting.....feeds my addiction, just like a little bit of alcohol feeds the addiction of an alcoholic.

We are enjoying spending time with each other, our friends and our family.  I am equally enjoying not needing to inform FB about every detail of my life.  I also don't feel like I'm missing out.  I'm more relaxed, less anxious, more at peace, and living my life, instead of thinking about how I'm going to documenting it.  It's SO FREEING not worrying about why someone is "liking" the statuses of others, but not liking mine. 

I'm free, and I couldn't be happier!! Happy 4th Anniversary to the Love of my Life and Happy 40th Birthday Honey!  I'm Blessed to have you in my Life, for as long as the Lord allows before He chooses to take either one of us (or both of us) Home to Heaven.  You are my Greatest Earthly Blessing! :-)  Thank you for treating me like I belong and like I matter!

Thank You to all of my FB Friends, for EVERYTHING!! :-)  I would love to email/text/get together for coffee/talk on the phone, or whatever.  You are loved, by God and by Me! :-)

Our Story Is Just Too Perfect To Be A Series of Coincidences!

“There are No real coincidences in life for those with faith strong enough to recognize coincidences for what they really are: intricate pieces of the providential design God created for each of our lives”
― Delia Parr, Love's First Bloom

 

     Six years ago my Small Groupies were helping me process my fears about a big upcoming change in my life.  I accepted a position at LM in Mishawaka and would be working 11:00 AM - 7:15 PM Monday thru Friday.  This was an answer to prayer!  I had been waitressing for 6 months and would seriously cry if I got a bad or non-existant tip because I was only making $2.13 an hour and needed to pay my bills!  Oh, and I would soon have health insurance again, which was something I didn't have for a year!  This was a GOOD change! :-)  Those who know me, know that change is hard for me.  The smaller the change the better! LOL :-)  I'm still having mini freak outs because the new coat I bought this week isn't as warm as my old one was!  See, I told you I have a hard time with change!  I often allow my fears, whether rational or not, to rule my mind and sabotage any excitement I have about an upcoming change in my life. 

 

     In regards to this particular life change, I was convinced that I would no longer have a social life since I worked till 7:15pm.  Most of my friends started work at 8:00 AM.  No one would want to meet me for dinner at 7:30pm, and I couldn't be involved at Church because most things started at 6:30pm!  This was a big deal and a real fear!  My small group jokingly and lovingly asked, "So do you think your friends will turn into pumpkins at 7:15pm?"  Well, when they said it that way, it was funny!  Of course not! LOL  Most people do not go to bed at 7:30 PM.  We still joke about it to this day!  Eventually I got into my new routine and yes, friends did still meet me for Dinner, and a Sunday night small group began, which was a HUGE Blessing for me! 

    Those who know me, also know that I am a huge numbers and dates gal!  I started my new job on March 17th, 2008.  It was because of working in the same building, that I eventually met and started dating Jonathan (who had started working at LM just 5 months before I did).  Our first date was October 9th, 2009 (Thanks to Sara and Doug!!!).  We got engaged December 10th, 2010 and we were Married on July 8th, 2011.  I was 37.5 years old and Jonathan turned 36 just two days after the wedding.  About a year after we got married, Jonathan was asked by his Dad to be his power of attorney.  His Dad had lung cancer and needed our help.  He was hospitalized many times and was in a nursing home the last 5 months of his life.  Jonathan stepped up to the plate to help get his Dad the care he needed.  Those were 5 difficult months, but we treasure the memories and time spent with K-Man.  He knew he was loved!  His Dad passed away on February 26th, 2013.  We planned the Memorial Service on the 27th and the 28th I was admitted to the hospital and 2 days later had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed.  I was released the next day and went straight to his Dad's memorial service.  Wow!  Last year at this time was rough, REALLY, REALLY rough, but we were so blessed to have each other for support and encouragement.  Jonathan took great care of me! 

 

     Fast forward to December of 2013.  Jonathan applied for a different position at LM.  It was a long process and he had to give a presentation.  He was notified on the 1 Year Anniversary of his Dad's death (February 26th, 2014, that he GOT the new Position!  He is being promoted!  I am so PROUD of him and excited for him!  I know he will do a great job and this job will better utilize his many talents!  He starts his new position as Trainer on Monday, March 3rd, 2014! :-)

 

 

 

     Here is the best part of this whole story for this "numbers gal"!  The first new hire class that Jonathan will train, starts on March 17th, 2014.  My 6 year Anniversary at LM is on March 17th, 2014!  If anyone would have told me on March 17th, 2008 (my first day at LM in the training class), that 6 years from today I would be Married to the new Trainer at LM, I NEVER would have believed it!!!!!  First of all, I never thought I'd get married, even though I really wanted to, and secondly, I was completely against being friends with anyone from work! LOL  Thanks to Holly for not listening to me when I told her I didn't make friends at work! LOL  If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have even considered dating someone who worked in the same building as I did! 

 

Wow!  Just Wow!  This numbers girl is very happy!  So many things happened that I believe were orchestrated by God to get us to the point we are at now!  I don't believe it was just a bunch of coincidences.   I'm so thankful God brought us together and continues to shower our lives with His Blessings!  I love you Jonathan!  I'm your biggest Cheerleader and I am so very proud to be called your Wife!  We have a lot to celebrate this weekend in Chicago and a lot to celebrate on Monday, March 17th! :-)

 

 



Facebook Is My Crack - My New Plan Of Attack!

Hello, My Name Is J-La-Sta and I am a

 

I'm sure this admission comes as no surprise to the majority of my FB followers.  Before FB, I was addicted to Internet dating.  Yes, I am now a Married woman.  No, I am NOT still addicted to Internet dating!  I don't think that would sit too well with my Husband, and understandably so! :-) 

 

• I am a very social person, so it is not surprising that I would be addicted to social media.  However, I've come to realize this about social media and in my case, Facebook:

 

In doing research on social media/facebook addiction, I've read that FB can be more addicting than drugs and alcohol.  I believe that, because it is for me!  But just as stated in the pic above, FB makes you feel that you're connecting with people when actually you're just not.  I agree that it is a form of connection with people you probably do know, or have known in real life, but it is no replacement for real human interaction, real human relationships.  

 

We've become a society that's so reliant on technology we've forgotten how to communicate with each other.We need to be not ruled by social networks. We need to go out there and actually connect to the world around us. Technology has made our life easier, but it's stopped us from connecting.We've become a disposable society; a society where relationships are no longer important. We basically use people as we use phones. We have one year contracts. It's time for us to really connect again because the world is becoming a disconnected place, right when we need each other most.  David Wygant

 

For the past few years now I've felt as if many people know what's going on in my life, without much effort on their part, because I post a lot of status updates on FB.  However, it takes more effort on my part to find out what is going on in their lives because they don't post on FB.  I have no one but MYSELF to blame!!  I think b/c I post on FB frequently, people may feel they know what is going on in my life.  Yes, they may know what is going on (although I don't post everything on FB believe it or not!), and that is the great thing about FB.  It keeps people up to date about the happenings in our lives in this very busy world.  But I miss real relationships.  Do I socialize outside of FB.  Yes!  Do I socialize enough outside of FB? No!  I want to get more connected at our Church and hopefully we will get plugged in to a Small Group soon!   

 

 

• I think one of the reasons that I'm addicted to FB is that I have a fear of missing out!  Who likes the feeling of missing out?  No one that I know!

 



          It's not facebook, its crackbook - and we all suffer FOMO. 

Summary: FOMO -- fear of missing out is keeping us addicted to our social networking sites according to a new connecting and communicating study released today.
Eileen Brown

• I think another reason that I'm addicted to FB is that I'm an approval addict as well.  Come on, admit it, does anyone else check FB to see who or how many people have "liked" your status update?  I have! Many times!

Not until I learn to remind myself of how little the opinions of others matter in deciding who I become in life will my social media addiction be entirely cured. It's not my use of the websites that trouble me, but my dependence on them to make me feel whole. Feeling complete should never be reliant on someone sitting at a computer pressing a button and accurately reflecting who I am online is impossible because no digitized photo album or self-aggrandizing "About Me" section will ever do me justice.
High School Senior
Jonathan Jacob Moore 

“Our desire for approval can only truly be met by receiving God’s acceptance and approval of us.”  Joyce Meyer 

I've put FB above my relationship with God for FAR too long.  So what am I going to do about my addiction?  With HIS help, I will overcome my addiction.  Here are the steps I've taken/will take to wean myself of this addiction.  Do I think people should quit FB altogether?  No!  I believe that when used in moderation, it can be a very handy tool for communication, encouragement, etc. 

1. Last night I created a new FB Password.  It is 15 letters/numbers long.  There is no way I could possibly remember it.  I then logged off of FB on my cell phone.  I deleted my FB and Twitter Apps on my phone. 
2. I will only use FB on the laptop, which we moved out of the living room and into our guest room.  I will have the password written down there.
3. I will start off by limiting myself to 20 minutes on FB in the morning (AFTER showering and my quiet time with God!), and I will allow myself to use FB for an hour and a half in the evening.  This is FAR FAR less time than I had been spending on it!  I will not have limits on yahoo, google, etc for now b/c I am not addicted to the Internet.  I am addicted to social media.

It’s like an eating disorder. You can’t eliminate food. You just have to make better choices about what you eat.” She added, “And what you do online.”  Katie Hafner

Please pray for me as I begin this weaning process!  I need all the prayers and encouragement I can get!  Just like I gradually weaned myself off of overeating via weight watcher's.  I will now wean myself off of FB gradually, till I reach a healthy amount of FB time for me!  I'm sure I will now have so much time that I won't know what to do with myself, but I'm sure I'll be tons more productive outside of work!  (Thankfully we can not go on FB or the Internet at work for personal use!)

I feel this is the last addiction (that I know of) that I need to confront.  Baby steps!

Here is a tool if you are curious to find out if you are addicted to FB or not:

Rate yourself on the Facebook Addiction Scale.
Record your responses -- very rarely, rarely, sometimes, often or very often -- to the six following statements.
•You spend a lot of time thinking about Facebook or plan to use Facebook.
•You feel an urge to use Facebook more and more.
•You use Facebook in order to forget about personal problems.
•You have tried to cut down on the use of Facebook without success.
•You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using Facebook.
•You use Facebook so much that it has a negative impact on your job/studies.
Now count up the number of times you answered "often" or "very often."


Quick Poll
Did you respond "often" or "very often" to four or more statements?

Yes -- Congrats! You're a Facebook addict like the rest of us.

No -- Woohoo! Your Facebook dependency hasn't reached the level of addiction.


Sara Gates
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/08/facebook-addiction-test-women_n_1500656.html

 

My FPU Story

     There is FREEDOM in being debt free! But it hasn't always been that way for me! There is always hope! I'm hoping my story can give people hope to keep on keeping on! In September of 1998 I went to a consumer credit counselor b/c I couldn't pay my credit card bill...I was only paying the interest. I had 10K on a credit card. I had Student Loans. I had a car payment. I lived alone and had to pay rent. I had other bills. You get the idea! I was 24 years old. I was probably making 22K if that?? Life was tough! I didn't really budget and I will say that I wasn't the most responsible with my money...eating out (fast food) a lot, etc. The consumer credit counselor helped me, but would only work with my creditors if I cancelled my credit cards and no longer used them. It took me 5 years to pay off my CC.

     I have not used a credit card since September of 1998. 15 YEARS of not using a Credit Card and I've only had a second income (Jonathan) for 2 years. It was scary! I had no one to fall back on. But I needed to learn how to handle my money first. While Jonathan and I were dating he took Financial Peace University and I started Budgeting and working on the first few baby steps. We paid for our wedding without incurring any new debt. We came back from our 1 year anniversary vacay and paid off our last debt.   

     We just celebrated our 2nd Anniversary on July 8th! We were both single with no kids and had never been married. God is good! We now have a fully funded emergency fund and our goal is to bless others with what we have been given, travel a bit, and buy a condo in a few years. Jonathan just turned 38 and I will be 40 in January. We are very Blessed! So yes, I'm in a really good place right now, but I haven't always been. Just wanted to encourage those who get discouraged trying to make ends meet and get debt free. It IS possible. VERY Difficult, but it is possible! Keep on keeping on! You never know what tomorrow may bring!

     The hard work it takes is worth the FREEDOM that being debt free brings!

I Can't Believe This Is MY Life!

God has Blessed me with FAR more than I ever could have asked for or imagined!

 

I am overwhelmed with awe and thankfulness for the life I am living right now!  Is this really MY life?  Had I not gone thru years of challenges, difficulties and loneliness, I KNOW I wouldn't be even half as appreciative as I am today!  God is GOOD Now and He was GOOD Then!  It's just easier to see when life is going very well!

 

What I'm Thankful For

 

• Undeserved and definitely unearned GRACE from my Savior Jesus!

 

• MY HUSBAND.  I was single for 37.5 Years!  We will be celebrating our 2 Year Anniversary on July 8th and I couldn't be happier!  I am Married to my perfect match and now all of my single years make sense!  There was a purpose!  God was strengthening me thru the tough times.



 

• The fact that we are DEBT FREE.  Yes, we worked very hard to get where we are at, but it was only because we are both Blessed with jobs.

 

• VACATIONS!  We have this coming week off of work and get to spend it in Northern MI enjoying each other, and the beauty of God's creation!  We get to rest and get rejuvenated from our challenging start to the year (FIL passing and my hospitalization the same week - This was our last "vacation").  In  September we get to visit my MIL in WV, and in January we get to go to ARUBA where we will spend 7 nights at an all-inclusive resort.  It will be a nice break from the Indiana winter permacloud and  we will be celebrating my 40th Birthday.

 

• HEALTH.  I am so very thankful for my health and the health of my Husband!  I had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed in March.  I was hospitalized for 3 nights.  Between my Husband and I we have collectively lost 123 lbs since February of 2012.  That's a whole person!  We are eating healthier and also walking.  We LOVE Weight Watchers Online! :)  We both feel SO much better and it's an Amazing feeling to be fitting into smaller sizes of clothing that we haven't worn in years!  I was prediabetic in Feb of 2012 and I am proud to say that I kicked prediabetes to the curb! :)

 

• FAMILY & FRIENDS.  We have wonderful family and lots of wonderful friends.  We LOVE being "Aunt Jenny & Uncle Jonathan".  We are blessed to have lots of little (and many not so little anymore) ones to love and spoil!  What an Honor to be in these influential roles!

 

I know that life can change in an instant, but right now I'm thoroughly loving and enjoying this life that I am Blessed to live!  Thanks God!  :)

 

 

 

 





We Have Been Married For 500 Days Today!

J & J - 7/8/2011 - Clearwater Beach, FL

 

Those of you who know me, know that I am a numbers girl!  I love dates and numbers!  Well, today we have been married for 500 days!  In my opinion, that is blog worthy for sure! :)  I also find it interesting that our first date was 1,137 days ago.  We have almost been married for half of the time we have been together! 

 

Looking back, we realize that our 1st year of marriage was a breeze!  We are thankful that we could just be Newlyweds for a year and not have any other major life events happen during that year of adjustment.  Marriage is an adjustment (especially for those of us who have been single well into our 30's.), but it is a happy adjustment.  Change is hard, but good change is MUCH easier than the changes the past few months have brought us.

 

We are learning more now about some of the "worse" parts of our "for better or worse" vows.  Life has been anything BUT easy for us the past 2 months.  The things we are dealing with, most people wouldn't expect to have to deal with until well into their 40's, 50's and even 60's.  Jonathan's Dad is only 67, but he has had Stage IV lung cancer for 2 years and 3 months.  He also has COPD.  My Mom is only 60, but has been battling cancer for almost 13 years now.  Emotionally, that's a lot for us to handle in and of itself.  But it's not just dealing with the emotional part of it.  We had to put Jonathan's Dad in a nursing home and Jonathan is now the Power of Attorney for his Dad.  We are his only weekly/twice a week visitors and the nursing home is 30 minutes away from us.  We both work full time outside the home.  We may not have children, but we (especially Jonathan) do have a LOT of responsibility!  Jonathan has learned A LOT (more than he ever thought he would have to know at age 37) about Medicaid, Medicare, Nursing Homes, Cemeteries, Funeral Insurance, FMLA, etc, the past few months. 

 

This has been a very stressful time for us.  We have been flying by the seat of our pants. Uncertainty is hard to deal with.  While we don't know what the future holds, we do know that God has been with us every step of the way, and will continue to give us His strength.  He saw to it that Keith was approved for Medicaid the FIRST time, and for that we are very thankful!  Jonathan has said he wants to use the knowledge he has gained to help friends when/if they have to go thru this stuff with their aging parents.

 

Jonathan and I are extremely grateful that we have each other during this dreary time in our lives.  I think overall we are doing as well as we can be doing given the circumstances.  Things have settled down a little bit now that Keith has been approved for Medicaid.  We are looking forward to 3 nights away for my Birthday after the New Year!

 

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful that Keith has accepted Jesus.  I'm also thankful that Jonathan is my Husband and that we are a team...for better or for worse.  I'm thankful that we are blessed to spend another Thanksgiving with my Mom and with Jonathan's Dad.  Life is short, but life is precious.  We are learning to live in the moment.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. 

 

We know this too shall pass, but for now, we cling to Jesus and to each other.

 

Our Marriage verse was "God sets the lonely in families".  We may feel weary and overwhelmed, but we are not lonely. 

 

Thank you Lord for my 500th day of being married to the love of my life.  I waited and waited, but you were faithful, as always!

 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!  Savor every minute you are blessed to have with your loved ones this Holiday Season! :)

 

Love,

 

 

 

J-La-Sta

 

Random Thoughts By J-La-Sta

1. My husband and I need a break from life.
2. It's been 7 weeks today since Jonathan's Dad went into the hospital and J started the process of becoming POA for his Dad, which changed our lives dramatically.
3. I will never again say "this is a piece of cake compared to what I went thru alone as a single person".  As soon as I said that, God started to challenge us!
4. I hate the end of daylight saving time.
5. I hate these short days.
6. I know that I start to feel better after the New Year starts.
7. Only 36 more days till we start to gain daylight instead of losing it.
8. I am thankful that my my mammogram came back normal! 
9. I'm thankful Jonathan's Dad was approved for Medicaid.
10. I HATE cancer.  I hate what it does to my Mom and I hate what it is doing to my FIL.
11. I can't believe December 8th it will have been 13 years since my Dad passed away.
12. I got an email from parents.com informing me my baby is the size of a cantaloupe at 21 weeks.....UMMM.....Really???  Do they know something I don't?  Our plate is already quite full!
13. It's a challenge to stay positive when there is so much negative going on in the lives of those we love.
14. I know God has a plan and will work things out for the good of those who love Him, but it doesn't mean we don't get weary, stressed, and sad.
15. Speaking of SAD, I hate Seasonal Affective Disorder and what it does to me.
16. There will always be people who have things "easier" than you, and there will always be people who have things "much harder" than you.
17. Sometimes life just sucks and is incredibly overwhelming.
18. My Vitamin D levels were great, much to my surprise!
19. We are both looking forward to having 4 very much needed days off in a row for Thanksgiving!  Only 5 more days of work for me and 6 more days of work for Jonathan.
20. We plan to treasure time with loved ones over the Holidays.  Life is short and we need to savor the memories.

Happy 13th Birthday In Heaven Dad!

November 3rd, 1940 Herbert William Latzke, who would later be my Dad, was born in Eagle River, WI.  Yep, he would have been 72 years old today!  He spent 59 years on this earth and passed away on December 8th, 1999.  So much has changed since then, in the world, and in our family.

 

 

THEN:

November 3rd, 1999 (Dad's 59th Birthday):

• I was 25 years old. 

• I was living in Cudahy, WI.

• I called you to wish you a Happy Birthday.

• I was working 2nd shift and overnights, with at-risk teens, at Calvary Academy in South Milwaukee, WI.

• I was single and thought I'd never get married.

• My Nephew Trey (Dad's only Grandchild at the time) was 5 years old

• Bill Clinton was President of the United States.

• We couldn't have comprehended that less than 2 years later, 9-11 would terrorize our Nation.

• Mom was cancer free.

NOW:

November 3rd, 2012 (Dad's 13th Birthday in Heaven):

• I am 38 years old (yet somehow I haven't aged one bit!) 

• I have been living back in South Bend, IN for 5.5 years (Yes, I know I said I'd NEVER move back to South Bend! I am older and wiser and have learned to never say never!)

• I can't call you to wish you a Happy Birthday, but I will be thinking of you all day.

• I have been working at an Insurance Company for 4.5 years.

• I have been married to an Amazing man named Jonathan for 16 months.

• My Nephew Trey (Dad's 1st Grandson) is now 18 years old!  There are now 4 more Grandchildren that Dad never got the chance to meet.  No, I did not have quadruplets! LOL :)  Lexi will be 10 tomorrow,  Hannah is 8, Tyler is 6 and Myles just turned 3. 

• Barack Obama is President of the United States.  The Presidential election is in 3 days and I cannot wait for it to be over!

• We are living in a post 9-11 world, and the world seems to be getting more and more violent.

• Mom has been battling cancer since 2 months after you passed away (February, 2000)

Life has changed since you went home to heaven Dad, in wonderful ways, and in some not so wonderful ways.  But one thing that won't change, is that I will always love you and miss you!

 

 

Happy 72nd Birthday Dad!  See you soon!

 

 

Love,

 

 

 

Jen Jen

 

 



Our Entry For Stafford's Hospitality Memory Contest!

Dear Stafford's Hospitality,

     Wow! Where do I begin? We stayed at Stafford's Bay View Inn from Sunday, July 8th, 2012 through Thursday, July 12th, 2012. We purchased the Summer Memories Package which was a GREAT deal!

     This was the most romantic, relaxing and peaceful vacation we have EVER had!!! We both agreed it was better than our Honeymoon, which was in Clearwater Beach, FL. July 8th was our 1 Year Wedding Anniversary and July 10th was my Husband's Birthday. We were so blessed to be able to stay in Astor Suite #7 for our celebration. Astor Suite #7 truly is THE BEST room at the Inn! It was incredible! We had our own deck with an amazing view of Little Traverse Bay, a private sitting area with a Fireplace, a beautiful and comfortable King Canopy Bed and last but not least, a 2 person Whirlpool Tub. 

     We both waited a very long time to find each other! When we got married I was 37 years old, and Jonathan turned 36 two days after the wedding. We had both been single, never married, with no kids. We don't believe in luck, and know it was meant to be. We thank God everyday for giving us His best in His perfect timing. Given how blessed we feel to have found each other, we wanted our 1 Year Anniversary trip to be very special. When we chose Stafford's Bay View Inn, we had no idea just how special our trip would be. We both had never been there, but we found it on the internet and made our decision after viewing the website and calling the Inn. It far surpassed all of our expectations! We felt like royalty! Room 7 was AMAZING and every single staff member was very friendly and willing to help take pictures for us, answer questions and asking if there was anything they could do to make our stay more enjoyable. We loved getting away from it all and not having a TV or phone in the room. It made the trip all about us, free from the distractions of the media and daily life.

     We had our Anniversary dinner on July 8th at Stafford's Perry Hotel. We loved the atmosphere of the Restaurant! The food was excellent, and the service was just as stellar as at the Bay View Inn. Our server went above and beyond what we expected to make sure our anniversary dinner was a night to remember. I've attached a picture of us with our delicious dinners.

     My Husband's favorite memory of our trip was the afternoon and evening of the 9th. We had a before dinner drink at the Bay View in the sunroom, followed by dinner at the Restaurant. He loved the ambiance set by the music, and the beautiful sunlight pouring into the sunroom accentuating the decor. It was so romantic! I've attached a picture of us experiencing that day. After dinner we looked for Petoskey stones across the road at the beach and watched the sunset. I've also attached a picture of us in front of Little Traverse Bay. We met a lady there who also got married on July 8th, 40 years ago!

     Who needs Florida in July when we have Stafford's Bay View Inn on beautiful and scenic Traverse Bay? I had never been to Northern Michigan and had no idea how blue the water was up there, and how the beautiful sunsets add to the romance! We have decided that we want to celebrate every Anniversary at Stafford's Bay View Inn Astor Suite #7, and we cannot thank your staff enough for making our 1 Year Anniversary vacation so special!

     We look forward to our second visit (along with more delicious cookies) next July! :-)

Blessings,

Jennifer and Jonathan Stanley

South Bend, Indiana

After Years of Searching, I Found My Home!

All 3 Pics were taken by my SIL Sandy of Sandra Ellen Photography in Grand Rapids!

My Moves During College (6 times if I'm counting correctly):
August 1992 - Moved from South Bend, IN to College in Milwaukee, WI - Lived in dorm.
May 1993 - Moved back to South Bend, IN for the Summer
August 1993 - Moved back to College in Milwaukee, WI - Lived in dorm.
May 1994 - Moved from dorm to an apartment on campus for the summer.
August 1994 - Moved from summer apartment to another apartment on campus for the school year.
May 1995 - Moved to another apartment on campus for the summer and following school year.

My Moves Since College (Yep, 15 times in 15 years)
May 1996 - Graduated College - Moved to an off campus apartment in Milwaukee, WI with a friend.
August 1997 - Moved to Greenfield WI to my own apartment when roomie got married.
May 1998 - Moved to South Milwaukee, WI where I lived where I worked.
September 1998 - Moved to Cudahy, WI where I had my own apartment again.
July 2001 - Moved to Denver (Aurora), Colorado for a job and lived where I worked.
February 2002 - Moved back to WI and lived in Oak Creek, WI with a family who are friends of mine
November 2002 - Moved into my own apartment in Milwaukee, WI.
March 2004 - Moved into another apartment in West Milwaukee, WI, which was right across the street from where I worked at the time.
October 2006 - Moved to West Allis, WI by New Berlin, WI border.
May 2007 - Relocated back to my hometown of South Bend IN and lived with my Grandma in Granger, IN.
September 2007 - Moved to Autumn Lakes Apartments in Mishawaka, IN with a friend.
March 2008 - Moved into a house with 2-3 other women in Mishawaka, IN and rented a room.
June 2009 - Moved into a Condo in Mishawaka, IN that I shared with the Owner.
July 2010 - Finally got back on my feet and moved into my own Apartment at Irish Hills Apartments in South Bend, IN.
July 2011 - I moved from my 1 bedroom apartment into a 2 bedroom apartment with my husband, at the same apartment complex in South Bend, IN.

I HATE MOVING! 
Wouldn't you if you had moved so many times?

Moving is the third most stressful event in life, following death and divorce. (from: Employee Relocation Council).  Moving is trauma, ranked right up there with getting a divorce, losing a job or burying a loved one.

I dealt with the loss of my Dad alone and have moved SO many times by myself, that with all of that stress, God must be preparing me for something huge! :)

"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

This is my favorite Engagement Pic!  Sandy is a very talented Photographer! :)

I'm so thankful that we are staying put for a few years!  The only reason we would move, is to buy a condo or a house!  It's nice to have some consistency and stability for a while! :)

All of this moving really has taught me that

"Home Is Where The Heart Is!"

My Life 5 Years Ago - Then vs. Now

My Life 5 Years Ago - May 1st, 2007

• I was unemployed.
• I relocated back to my hometown of South Bend, IN which meant leaving behind 15 years worth of friends.
• I had been denied unemployment (which I eventually fought and won) so I had no income coming in for over 3 months.
• My Grandmother was gracious enough to let me live with her.
• My Mom's cancer was in her bones.
• I was single and thought I would never find the right guy!
• That July my Nephew was diagnosed with a heart condition which was a birth defect that wasn't caught until he was almost 13 years old.  He had major open heart surgery that September.
• The economy in South Bend/Elkhart IN was awful.  It took me a year of looking to get 1 job offer.  After unemployment ran out (I got it for only 6 months), I took a waitressing job in the meantime to pay the bills.  I would cry if I got jipped on a tip b/c I really needed the money.
• Life was extremely difficult.
• Life was lonely.
• It didn't help matters any that I had the "I'm the victim" mentality, in fact it made my situation worse.
• I was not emotionally healthy.
• I understood that God loved me in my head, but not in my heart.

My Life Now - May 1st, 2012

• I have been working at the same job for 4 years and 1.5 months.
• I have been married for almost 10 months to a man I met thru said job. Our 1st date was almost 2.5 years after I moved back to South Bend.
• My Nephew Trey is doing great!  God spared his life and his last check-up with the cardiologist showed everything looks great!
• I saw an amazing Christian Counselor for about 2 years and 3 months and worked on my issues.
• I have been with my same Small Group for over 4 years.  They have helped me to grow and with God's help to overcome my former "victim mentality", although it still is my first nature and I still fight it!
• Overall, I am emotionally healthy now.
• I am not lonely.  I have Jonathan and lots of friends, both old and new!
• My husband and I plan on being debt free sometime this Summer.
• Life is challenging, but is no longer extremely difficult.
• I wish I could say my Mom's cancer battle is over, and that she is in remission, however she continues to fight the battle!  She is the strongest woman I know and has been a Survivor for over 12 years and 2 months!
• My relationship with my Savior is strong and growing! I know he loves ME unconditionally!

The Moral of my story is:  God has a plan for your life and even if things aren't going so great now, it doesn't mean things will be like that forever.  My life didn't magically get better overnight.  It took many years of perseverance and hard work.  I am in a great season in my life now, so I'm going to appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  My hope is that the next time I hit hard times in my life, that I will "Praise Him in the storm".

Things I Don't Miss/Do Miss About Being Single

There are pros and cons to every stage of life!  I am SO thankful God sent me my "Mr. Right" in his PERFECT timing!  I was 37 and a half and 5 days old when I got married.  In a week we will have been married for 8 months already!  Time sure flies!  Here are some of the things I don't miss/do miss about being single.  I had PLENTY of time to be single, so even though there are some things I miss, I am overall so much more content being married to Jonathan and having his love, support, stability and encouragement!  I'm just SO glad I didn't settle just to have someone in my life!  Making the changes/sacrifices it takes to be married are well worth it for the right person!  Here is a picture of us which was taken on our honeymoon.

 

Don't Miss:

1. Looking at every guy that I knew//met, who happened to be single, as a potential love interest. 
2. Feeling like I didn't "belong".
3. Being asked if I was dating anyone (as if I wasn't ok just being me) over and over and over again.
4. Feeling especially lonely, and feeling like my singleness was accentuated over the Holidays.
5. Knowing that no one would know if I lived or died on my way home, since I lived alone for most of my single years, unless I didn't show up for work for a few days.
6. The uncertainty of dating. (Do I or don't I plan for a future with this person?)
7. Having no one to rely on consistently.
8. Flying solo in a "couple's world".
9. Not having companionship, oftentimes not having anyone to do stuff with.

Do Miss:

1. Having the apartment all to myself so that I could have a girlfriend over to hang out/drink wine/talk without having to go anywhere.  Now we meet for dinner/coffee/walking somewhere in public.  Unless of course, my friend happens to be single.
2. Having total control of the remote control and what I wanted to watch on TV.  
3. Being able to come and go as I pleased without having to let anyone know.
4. Feeling like God's purpose for me was for me to minister to other singles.  I know I still can, but sometimes I think singles may not be able to relate to me as much now that I'm married.
5. Having more time to blog.
6. Having more time to keep in touch with friends. 
7. Making purchases/not making purchases without having to consult anyone.

Can you relate to any of these pros & cons?  Please leave your comments!  I would love to hear from you! :)

We Are Learning Each Other's Love Languages!

     Do you know what your significant other's love language is?  Do you know what your love language is?  If not, I think it is imperative to your relationship that you find out what each other's love language is!  We often communicate our love for others in ways that we like to receive love.  You may have the best of intentions, and be trying really hard to show someone how much they mean to you!  However, if how they receive love is different from how you are giving love, your significant other's love tank is not going to get filled up. This leaves him/her feeling unloved.  Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book, which I'm sure you have heard of. It's called "The 5 Love Languages".  The 5 Love Languages are:

1. Quality Time

2. Words of Affirmation

3. Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

     Your love languages can also change over time. I think Physical Touch was my primary love language when I wasn't dating anyone, because I wasn't getting many hugs, etc.  It was only a year ago that I found out "Gifts" were one of my top love languages. 

     Jonathan's primary love language is Physical Touch.  This isn't just referring to sex.  He loves hugs, hand holding, etc.  Jonathan feels loved when he is given physical touch. 

     My primary love language is Words of Affirmation.  Therefore, I tend to give words of affirmation to Jonathan.  If I don't give Jonathan physical touch, words of affirmation aren't going to make him feel loved.  I could compliment him till I'm blue in the face and he would like hearing it, but it's not going to make him feel nearly as loved as if I were to hug him.  He has come SO far in learning my love language!

     My second love language is Gifts.  However, I didn't know that gifts were one of my love languages until we didn't get each other anything for Christmas or Valentine's Day right after we got engaged. Let's just say we both learned from those days! :)  How could Jonathan know Gifts were one of my love languages, if I didn't even know?  I think that's often how we find out what our love languages are, when our needs are not met.  Now that Jonathan knows that gifts are my second love language, he can work at meeting that need, and he has been doing a wonderful job! :)  He got me these roses for our 1 year Engagiversary:

 He got me this beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas! :)

     And he got me these beautiful flowers for Valentine's Day, along with a water bottle and Season One of "Mike & Molly"!  This was my best Valentine's Day ever!  Thank you honey! :)  It's not about the money spent, it's about the thoughts, efforts, feelings that go into getting/giving the gifts!  Here is an awesome quote I saw this week on Facebook (It was a status of "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married":

The important thing is not the gift, but the emotional love that is communicated by the gift...the gift is quickly gone but the memory lingers.

There is a 5 week love languages challenge going on, which I signed up for and was going to blog about.  However, it wasn't what I expected.  The first challenge it gave me, because Jonathan's love language is physical touch, was to read a book about sex and discuss it with Jonathan.  Jonathan thought that idea was not helpful either!  I thought it would give me daily reminders to hug him, kiss him etc.  Anways, that's why I decided to just blog about the 5 love languages! :)

I would like to know what your love language is.  I'm asking everyone who reads this blog to please take the love language quiz, and let me know what your top love language is! :)  All you need to do is click here, take the quiz and then comment back on my blog with your primary love language.  Please, for the sake of your relationships, if you have a significant other, ask them to take it as well!  You will learn a lot about each other, and what they need to feel loved by you. You will also learn ways that they may be showing you love, just not in the way that you need to be shown it.

Now, go show love to your neighbor, friend, spouse, parent, children, etc! :)  We all need to be shown love!

We've Been Happily Married For 200 Days Today!

     Two hundred days ago today I married the love of my life!  As many of you know, I love numbers and statistics! :)  Well, I've been alive (outside of the womb) for 13,901 days, and my first date with Jonathan was 838 days ago!  That means I lived 13,063 days without Jonathan in my life.  We got engaged 411 days ago and promised to love each other and be faithful to each other for the rest of our earthly lives 200 days ago today.   

    For many years, I felt God was depriving me of something that many others around me had, a companion to share their life with.  I seriously thought it would never happen to me!  He wasn't depriving me though, he was only preparing me for the man he had in mind for me. He had my best interest at heart all along, no matter what my emotions happened to be at any given moment.  I was 35, almost 36 years old when I met Jonathan.  I was 36, almost 37 when we got engaged, and I was 37 and a half and 5 days when we got married!  I lived a very large portion of my life as a single person.  I know the hurt and pain of feeling alone and feeling like I didn't belong.  This is why I believe I am sensitive to the feelings of single people now. 

     It might sound cliche, but I wouldn't trade all of those single days for anything.  Why? Because I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't be with Jonathan today.  God used those years to mold me and to mold Jonathan so that at just the right time we would be an almost perfect (nothing in life is perfect!) match for each other!  He continues to mold us into the couple he wants us to be, but had I not experienced all of those lonely days/years, I wouldn't be as appreciative of what I have now.  I don't buy the "you complete me" crap.  However, when you find your true love, there is a sense of contentment and peace that is hard to explain.  I just finally feel like I'm "home".  Here is a picture of us at our wedding ceremony.

This is the face of a very happily very newly (like 30 minutes tops) married bride! :)

We continue to laugh together on a daily basis. I'm so thankful God sent me someone who makes me laugh more than anyone else I know! :)

The pic below is one of my new favorite pics from our special day!  We look so happy, so in love, so content!  See the bird, or shadow of the bird in the pic? I feel like that is a sign of God's presence in this beautiful moment that was so beautifully captured by my wonderful SIL Sandy of Sandra Ellen Photography. Thank you Sandy for capturing these special moments for us! 

So, if any of my readers are currently single, there is hope! Jesus loves you and He only has His best in mind for you! You are a complete person!  Please don't settle, just to have a companion!   Waiting for His best, is worlds better than anything you could imagine for yourself.

Our wedding verse was Psalm 68:6a:  "God sets the lonely in families."  We were lonely and now we are a family!  God is faithful! :)

Happy 200th day of being married to me Jonathan! 

I love you and I'm so thankful for you!

5 Reasons Why This Was My Best Christmas Ever!

1. It was my 1st Christmas married to Jonathan.   Thanks to Mom and Don for our "1st Christmas" ornament!  We have been married for 170 days today! We love being married, but most importantly we love being married to each other! We each had many lonely Christmases in the past.  We weren't lonely this year and for that we are both very thankful!  Jonathan's Dad told us yesterday that we are a "Match Made in Heaven". He's right! This kind of match could be nothing other than something orchestrated by the Creator of Love, God Himself.                                               
2. We have started our own Family Christmas traditions.  We love our families of origin and our extended family and we love to celebrate with them, but what was extra special about this year is that we started our own family traditions.  It's hard to start your own Christmas traditions as a single person, because your family of origin is your only family. We may not have children, but we do have our little family. We both agreed it was important to starts those traditions for our 1st married Christmas, because they get harder to change as the years pass.  It is important to us to see family, so this year we saw family on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day was just us.  Our tradition is that we will spend 1 day with family and 1 day with just us.  I will touch on why this is important for me this time of year when I get to reason # 5.
3. We both put a lot of thought and effort into purchasing gifts for each other.  Last year we both asked each other what we wanted for Christmas, but we didn't really know, and neither of us ended up purchasing gifts for the other.  I didn't realize that "Gifts" was one of my top love languages until I didn't get anything from Jonathan.  This year, we both put a lof of effort into it, and the effort paid off.  It's not about the money spent, but rather about the effort put into making the other person feel special.  We were both successful at that this year!  It's fun to be someone's top priority when it comes to gift giving!
4. We have been blessed and therefore were able to bless others this Christmas.  Last year we started a tradition of helping those in need. and sponsored a family at the local homeless shelter.  This year my Small Group sponsored a family where a set of Grandparents are raising their 8 Grandchildren.  I got tired just reading their ages.  Jonathan and I contributed to making this family's Christmas more special. That's a good feeling!  We were also able to bless our nieces/nephews, parents, etc with gifts. For many years as a single person money was tight and on top of that I wasn't managing my money as well as we are now. I was often unable to give presents to family.  It feels good to be a blessing to others and we are thankful for how blessed we are!  We have no wedding to pay for and we have 1 rent instead of 2.  We are also down to 1 student loan and 1 car payment! All of these things sure make a huge difference!
5. My SAD is much more controlled this year.  December has been a hard month for me for as long as I can remember but especially since 12/8/1999 when my Dad passed away.  SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder which is also known as Winter Depression.  The symptoms start in early Fall and end when Spring begins. Some of the symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on or completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, social activities, and lack of interest in activities you typically enjoy during the spring/summer months.  For these reasons, Christmas isn't one of my favorite Holidays.  I am thankful to God for sending us our most important Gift of His Son Jesus!  However, Easter is my favorite Holiday because of the comfort of the Resurrection.  This Christmas has been my best Christmas Ever, and here are the  reasons why:  This year I have the stability/security of being married, I have been walking, I am on medicine that is controlling the depression/anxiety quite well.  Typically I cry a lot this time of year and withdraw from social activities because I just want to hibernate and be alone.  I'm happy to say I haven't really cried at all this year. I wish Christmas was in July, because then I would spend more time with my family of origin/extended family.  I still get stressed easily and this is another reason why Jonathan and I decided to start our tradition of spending either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day alone. Many love all of the hustle and bustle of seeing so many family members in a 2 day time frame.  In the Summer, I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought. I love spending time with friend's and family!   However, in the winter, I often lack the energy to do so and it's hard to be around groups of people when I'm not feeling very well. 

I want to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year! 


Love,




Jen (& Jonathan)

The Gift

     In 9 days I will celebrate my first married Christmas with my husband Jonathan!  Today at work I heard the most AMAZING song on the radio!  It is by Collin Raye and Susan Ashton and it's called "The Gift"!  I've coined this as our Christmas love song! You can watch the video and lyrics belowif you'd like, or you can go here to view the lyrics. Thankfully Jonathan approves and agrees that it is a beautiful song! We are blessed beyond belief!  Obviously our most important Christmas gift is the birth of our Savior. He is the Reason for the Season!  

     I'm very much looking forward to our 1st married Christmas together!  In my many single years, I felt the loneliness of being single much more around the Holidays. We both spent many lonely Christmases in the past, and this makes us appreciate each other all the more!  I'm keenly aware of the fact that we live in a "couple's world".  It's unfortunate, because we are all unique individuals who should be accepted and acknowledged for who we are, not for what our marital status is!  Can I get an AMEN?! :)  I was a complete person before I met Jonathan, and I'm a complete person now, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm married!  Am I less lonely, yes! Do I feel a greater sense of peace and contentment, yes! Are there some things I miss about being single, there are a few things I suppose, but remember I had many years of the single life (which I enjoyed for the most part) and now I'm enjoying my married life with the man God sent to me in His perfect timing! :)  Did I doubt God would ever send me my "Mr. Right"?  Yep, sure did!  I didn't know if that was His plan for me or not.  Deep down I knew God had my best interest at heart, but I sure was lonely around the Holidays. 

     This year I'm thankful for the "The Gift" of my husband Jonathan and the love and bond that we share. Some may think this song is corny, but it touches my heart and I'm so thankful that regardless of if God blesses us with 5 married Christmases together on this earth or 50 married Christmase before He decides to call one or both of us home to heaven, what matters is that we get to spend THIS Christmas together. We will never again have a "1st Married Christmas Together". Jonathan is my 2nd most important Christmas gift. He would say the same about me and I'm more than OK with that!  :)

Jonathan, "I'm thankful EVERY day for The Gift"! :) 

Merry Christmas Baby! :)