The Fight For My Mental Health

It's been a long 3 months!!  Very long!!   Some of you may be thinking, The Fight for your mental health?  It's not like you are fighting cancer, or diabetes, or heart disease!  What do you mean by "The Fight for My Mental Health"?    If you have ever dealt with a mental illness, you know exactly what I'm referring to!  It is a Fight!  It's a huge fight and it's not a fight for one who backs down easily.  It takes persistence and consistency and never giving up!  I'll give you a run down of the timeline (thus far) of my fight to get better.

March 17th  -  I cried at work.

March 20th - I went to the Dr b/c of my Depression getting worse.  She told me I needed better coping skills and upped my Prozac from 10 mg to 20 mg.

March 25th -  I had a 7 am counseling appointment with my Counselor who taught me Mindfulness.

April 21st - I had an awful crying day at work on the 20th.  i was able to take the 21st off and called my Dr. at 8:15 am on the 21st, to try and get in to be seen.  My Depression was getting much worse, and not better.  My Dr said she could not see me and told me to go to Epworth.  I later found out that Epworth is an inpatient facility only.  Since I was not a harm to myself or to others and was not suicidal, I had to wait till Monday, April 24th, to be seen.  My Dr.. did not offer me any other appointments with other Dr.'s at her practice that Friday.  When i saw my Dr. on Monday the 24th of April, she upped my Prozac from 20 mg to 40 mg.  I was crying uncontrollably and told her I  could not function.   She looked at me with a straight face and said "So you are going back to work tomorrow, right?".  I said "I just told you I cannot function!  No, I cannot go back to work tomorrow.  She offered to write a note.  I told her notes don't work at my place of employment and that I needed FMLA to secure my job.  I was in disbelief, I had always gotten along with her before and had no problems with her, until my depression started acting up.  She had been prescribing my meds for 6 years and not once had I ever had issues severe enough that I went to see her in regards to my depression.  I was not a "cry wolf" type of patient.  She finally agreed to give me 2 weeks of FMLA.  I filed for FMLA, but not for short term disability because I needed to use my vacation time for our mission trip to Ecuador in July.

After, being shocked and very unhappy with how the appointment went with my Dr on the 24th, I made an appointment to see a new Dr. on April 26th.  He was awesome, but most of all because he possessed empathy and understanding in regards to depression.  We set up another appointment for me to see him for a follow-up on Friday, May 5th, before I returned to work on May 8th.  He wanted me to have another week off to see my Counselor and work on getting better, so he gave me another week of FMLA.  I took that unpaid as well.

I went back to work on Monday, May 15th.  I worked the 15th-18th (Mon-Thurs) and by the end of the day on Thursday I was behind on my work and crying.  I was able to take the 19th off of work.  I got in to see my new Dr. on the 20th.  I told him that every time the old Dr upped my Prozac, 3 weeks later, I would be crying uncontrollably.  He believed me and set up a plan for me to be weaned off of the med.  He agreed to up my Seroquel from 200-300 mg.  We also both agreed that it was time for me to apply for short term disability while getting used to new meds and waiting to see a Psych Specialist. My Husband and I decided it was not in my best interest to go out of the country on the mission trip at this time.   When I first saw this Dr. on April 26th, he got me on a referral list for a Psychiatrist.  I called that place on May 18th and found out I was on a waiting list for a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner because that Psychiatrist only saw adolescents and children.  The last time I checked (a few days ago), they will be calling to schedule an appointment with me in the next week or 2, but I probably won't be seen until the end of July/beginning of August.

I had a follow-up appointment with my new Dr on Friday, June 2nd.  I had gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks due to my meds making me crave bad stuff, and me giving in to those cravings.  He advised me to push thru the extreme tiredness and avoid sleeping whenever I was tired.  It's been hard, but I was successful yesterday, and I have been successful today..  I have an appointment on June 27th for blood work to be drawn and then my next follow-up appointment with my Dr is July 6th.  

I  applied for Short Term Disability thru my Employer on May 19th.  Due to a Holiday and some miscommunication between my Dr.s Office and my Employer, my employer just received the needed paperwork from my Dr late on Friday June 2nd.  Today is June 6th and I am still waiting for an answer as ti whether my short term disability will be approved or denied.

During all of this my Husband got a promotion at work.  God is good and is watching out for us.  I am very much at peace right now in regards to my short term disability getting approved or denied.  I don't know what will happen.  Since I was feeling so much peace, I used the concordance in my NLT Bible and I found the following verse: " Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you."  Job 22:21.  I can honestly say that I feel that's what I'm doing now, submitting to God.  My health has to come first.  I'm glad my Husband realizes that, and I'm glad we live modestly and live below our means.  I am not worried.

So, there you have it.  This is my saga thus far.  I think the uppage of seroquel and the weaning off of prozac has helped, but I'm still dealing with the side effects of the seroquel, which aren't fun.  



Thank you to the Friends who have stopped by, called and/or texted, or have sent me well wishes thru my Husband at work, or to me thru FB.  I really appreciate it.  It is nice to be thought of and know that I'm cared for.  God's got this.  I'm not worried.  I just want to get better.  

So there you have it.  That's what I mean by "The Fight For My Mental Health", and it's not over yet.

As a bracelet given to me by a friend says "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it".  With God and Jonathan on my side, I can and will come out of this stronger!

Peace, Love, and Joy to you All!

Love,

J-La-Sta

Balance - J-La-Sta Style

Balance Is.......... 

 

 

 

• Eating 1 or 2 Servings of Edy's No Sugar Added Half the Fat Ice Cream instead of eating no ice cream at all or eating half the container.  
• Walking 10,000 Steps 5 days a week instead of not walking at all or walking 10,000 steps 7 days a week.
• Using 1 lb hand weights over my 45 minute lunch walk on Monday, Wednesday and Friday instead of not using weights at all or using them all 5 Weekdays.
• Being on Facebook a little bit each day instead of being on it all the time or giving myself a week or 2 off of FB altogether.

 

I have a long ways to go, but for being such an all or nothing person, I think I've made great strides in finding balance in my life! :-)

 

 





Weight Watchers Plus Determination Equals The Incredible Shrinking Couple! :)

1.  He Loves Me!  My Husband loves me so much that he started walking/losing weight with me after my pre-diabetes diagnosis in February of 2012.  He said he knew that it would be easier for me to change my habits if we both changed them together.  That is love!  In January of 2013 when I decided I wanted to join Weight Watchers Online, he decided to also join Weight Watchers Online the very next day! Even though he gets to eat more than me, it is SO MUCH easier navigating this weight loss journey with both of us being on the same page!  We are Blessed! :)

2.  We Are Determined!  When we say we are going to do something, we usually do it.  I am typically a woman of my word and he is typically a man of his word!  My Goal is to reach 135 lbs by my 40th Birthday!  Jon's goal is to reach 190 lbs and be below 200 lbs for the first time in his adult life!  Jon is currently 78 lbs lighter than our wedding day (July 8th, 2011).  Wow!  He is amazing!  I am currently 52.4 lbs lighter than I was on my 38th Birthday (January of 2012).  Jon has 21 lbs to go to reach his goal and I have 21.6 lbs to go to reach my goal.  We can and will do this!

Top: Jen on Jan 2nd, 2012 at 209 lbs/Jen on Aug 31st, 2013 at 156.6 lbs
Bottom: Jon (243 lbs) & Jen (189.1 lbs) on Jan 4th, 2013/Jen (156.6 lbs) & Jon (211 lbs) on Aug 31st, 2013

3.  Our Success Is SO MUCH More Than A Number!  Yes, It's true, the number on the scale tells us how much we weigh.  It is a good guide to go by when trying to get healthier, but it's not the only guide.  We are eating healthier, we are fitting into smaller clothes, we have gained some muscle, and we feel so much better about ourselves!  Partly, because we are accomplishing something we didn't think we could accomplish before.  We know we are getting healthier, and losing weight the right way. We LOVE FOOD.  We LOVE food that is bad for us!  We are REAL people who have real struggles.  We don't have a personal chef or personal trainers.  If we can lose weight, anyone can!  I kicked pre-diabetes to the curb, and THAT FACT is more important than any number the scale tells me! :)

4.  My Husband Goes On Hikes With Me!  I love him!  I married him for love.  I married him because I knew God made us for each other.  Did I ever think he would go on hikes with me?  No.  I honestly didn't.  Did I want him to?  Yes.  God is SO GOOD.  He has blessed me with more than I could have ever imagined!  I believe God is making us even more compatible with each other though our weight loss journey.

5.  I Will Be Extra Fabulous at Forty!  I seriously am looking forward to this next decade of my life!  I will be starting it off in ARUBA with my HUSBAND, at my goal weight!  I never would have thought I'd be at this point in my life (Married AND going to ARUBA!) if you would have asked me 6 years ago.  God's plans are always Best!  Even if I look good enough to wear a bikini, I won't wear a bikini.  I have 5 surgery scars from my gallbladder removal just 6 months ago.  I'll wear a Tankini and look just as fabulous!

6.  Weight Watchers Works For Us!  Weight loss is one of those very personal issues that a person has to want to do on his/her own.  Did people tell me I should eat healthier and lose weight before?  Yes!  Was I ready to listen?  No!  But when I decided I WAS going to lose the weight and get healthier, nothing could stop me!  Well, I've had hiccups...like gaining 7.6 lbs on our Anniversary vacay.  It's not always smooth sailing.  We are human.  But we just keep on keeping on and persistence and following the Weight Watchers Points is giving us results.  Sometimes not as quickly as we'd like to see them, but we are seeing results.  I can now see pictures of myself and say...I sure look good!  I have gained confidence and pride in knowing that I am doing what I said I would do.

I'll post again when we get to our goal weights.  In the meantime, if you have any questions, about Weight Watchers, just let me know!  I will always need the boundaries of weight watchers.  I love food too much to not have the boundaries weight watchers provides in our lives.

My Weight Loss Journey

     I've always struggled with my weight, but when I do decide to lose weight, I do it!  I lost approximately 35-40 lbs in 2000.  Most of you know that I am very "all or nothing".  Either I don't step on a scale or try on new clothes (cuz in my mind denial is better than actually knowing how much I weight or that I need to go up yet another pant size!), and continue to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, or I follow a fairly strict regimen. I lost weight before the wedding.  I had motivation!  I had a wedding dress I needed to fit into, and gosh darnit, I was going to look good in those wedding pictures which last forever!  I did fit into that dress and I looked and felt amazing! :) 

     The wedding came and went and I lost my motivation.  I no longer had a wedding dress to fit into, the gorgeous pictures had already been taken by my wonderful SIL, I was comfortable being married, my Husband loved me regardless of if I was fat or skinny! So for the first 6 months of our marriage, I gained 20-25 lbs.  Jonathan actually lost 10 lbs!  December 8th I bought the best Pedometer ever, and started walking about 6,000-7,000 steps a day.  In the past year I have had Cellulitis 3 different times.  Cellulitis is a nasty bacterial infection.  I have Venous Insuffiency (a vein disorder in my legs), which makes me more prone to Cellulitis. The last time I had Cellulitis was the end of January of this year.  At that time I weighed 207-209 lbs!  I am only 5'3 inches tall!  I realized my weight had gotten out of control!  That was the most I had ever weighed in my life! 

Here is a pic of me which was taken on January 2nd in Chicago. We were celebrating my 38th Birthday which was the following day:

     I went back to my Dr. in early February.  I wanted to get to the bottom of why I kept getting Cellulitis so frequently!  She said that "Once or twice having Cellulitis in such a short period of time, we can chalk up to fluke things, but 3 times, there is probably something going on".   So about a week later I fasted for 12 hours and had blood drawn and tested.  The results were mailed to me.  On February 8th I got the results.  I wasn't prepared for what I was going to read.  When I read the words "Pre-Diabetes" I instantly panicked and felt anxious!  My impaired fasting glucose was 108.  I had never heard of pre-diabetes before.  I later found out it used to be called "impaired fasting glucose, but those words didn't communicate just how serious the condition is, and people weren't making the changes they needed to make.  Reading "Pre-Diabetes" on that paper, was the motivation I needed!  I was determined NOT to let this turn into Diabetes! I DO NOT want to have to give myself insulin shots!  I had a choice to make!  Either I would continue down the same path, which wasn't looking very good!  Or I would make the necessary lifestyle changes.  Here is the range of fasting glucose numbers and how those numbers are classified:

     Here is the the definition of Prediabetes according to Wikipedia:  "Prediabetes is the state in which some but not all of the diagnostic criteria for diabetes are met. It is often described as the “gray area” between normal blood sugar and diabetic levels.  There is a 50% risk over 10 years of progressing to overt diabetes. A recent study cited the average time for progression as less than three years."

     Thankfully I had started the First Annual "J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge" on January 8th and was walking 10,000 steps a day!  Had I not been walking for those 2 months prior to my blood test, I probably would have had a higher glucose level!  My husband also realized that we needed to eat better for my health and for his health.  In February or March we started making dietary changes. We weigh most of our food, so we know exactly how much we are eating.  I am SO thankful we are doing this together!  It would be so much harder to do without the support and encouragement of the one you are living with!  We do not keep sugary cereals in the house, etc.  We are both on board with these lifestyle changes!  The walking challenge ended on March 30th, but we continue to walk at least 10,000 steps a day for 6 days out of the week.  I am happy to report that Jonathan has lost a total of 50 lbs since the wedding and I have lost 30 lbs since the end of January! (See pic below which was taken on June 23rd, 2012.

     I go back in 2 months to have my blood checked again.  I am confident that because of my walking, healthier eating, and weight loss, my glucose level will be much lower than it was!  What is my new motivation for losing weight?  I love my God, my Husband, my Friends, my Family, and last but not least, I love ME! :)

I have 42 more lbs to lose to get to my goal of 135 lbs.  I can and will do this with the strength I get from God, and from the support and encouragement I receive from my Husband, Family, and Friends! :)
 

The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge!

On December 29th, 2011 I mentioned on Facebook that I would be starting The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Walking Challenge.  I also mentioned that I would be posting a blog shortly regarding the details. This is that blog! :)  I am SO excited to start this Challenge and to have you join me in this Challenge!  I believe that if we have others to be accountable to and hold each other accountable, we are more likely to succeed.  Even if you only take 10 steps more tomorrow than you did today, that is a Success!  I know how overwhelming the number "10,000" sounds!  I've been thinking about when this challenge would start and I've finally come up with a date.  That date is Sunday, January 8th, 2012.  Why January 8th?  Well, you see, I wanted to give you all enough time to get a pedometer if you didn't already have one, and a chance to start walking for a few days to see how many steps you walk in a typical day. January 8th is 10 days from when I first mentioned this challenge and it is 5 days from the posting of this blog. So, you have 5 days to get your Pedometer and to start walking before the challenge starts. The 2nd reason I chose January 8th as the start date is that I have gained weight since I got married 6 months ago (July 8th, 2011).  I want to lose weight for the 2nd 6 months of my Marriage! :)

 Here are some important things to remember if you are considering taking part in this challenge:

• The challenge will go for 12 weeks to get us thru the winter months.  The challenge will end on Saturday, March 31st, 2012.

• You do not need to start at 10,000 steps a day!  If you haven't been physically active, this would be a very bad idea!  You need to work up to 10,000 steps a day.  For example, when I started approximately 3 weeks ago, I started at 6,000ish steps.  I am now up to 7,000-8,000ish steps per day.  I am gradually working toward 10,000 steps a day. Before I started walking I bet I was doing 3,000 steps or less per day. Once I get to 10,000 steps per day on a regular basis, I'm sure I will have some bad days.  We are all human.  That's OK!  Just start again the next day!

• The Pedometer I currently own has proven to be my best one yet!  I have owned it for 4 weeks now and it is still working.  It doesn't give extra steps while using the restroom, and it doesn't make the annoying clicking noises.  If this Pedometer is not in your Budget, that's ok too, any Pedometer is better than no Pedometer!  I promise you my steps have increased just from wearing a Pedometer! I'm such a numbers gal, and anal too!  Here is the link for the Pedometer I have: J-La-Sta's Pedometer.  Here is a picture of it.  I even get to wear it around my neck!  Have I mentioned that I LOVE my new Pedometer?! :)   It even keeps the past 7 days steps in it's memory.
• You may say, "This weather is horrible (if you live anywhere near the Midwest!), it is too cold and there is too much snow!".  In that case, can you find somewhere indoors to walk, ie, a mall?  I have been walking on a 100 step walking path in the basement at work on all of my breaks.  As my Dad frequently quoted my Grandma, "Where there is a will, there is a way!". 

• You can track your steps on the following website: http://www.10000steps.org.au/.  It takes 2 minutes to set up an account and the website is super user friendly.  If you FB message me with your personal email address after you have created an account with thatemail  address, I can add you to the team.  We can see each others daily steps and therefore can cheer each other on and encourage each other! :)  Please remember they are in Australia, so they are already on the next day when you may be tracking your steps in the evening. They also list the day before the month when listing the dates, whereas we list the month first and then the day.

• I promise to encourage you to succeed! Any step toward taking better care of ourselves is a step in the right direction.  Look at it this way, even if you only end up doing an average of 7,500 steps a day, I would bet that is more steps than you are taking on a daily basis today.                                     
• If you are anything like me and are currently experiencing the post holiday/winter blues, getting moving can help with depression!

• I will be thinking of a small prize for the the person who walks the most steps between January 8th and March 31st.  There will also be a 1st runner up for The J-La-Sta 10,000 Steps Challenge.  If that winner or 1st runner up is me, I will still get myself a prize! :) 

Please let me know if you would like to be a part of this challenge!  I will be happy to answer any questions you may have!

Looking forward to "walking with you" as we accomplish our health and/or weight loss goals! :)

Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2012!