The Fight For My Mental Health

It's been a long 3 months!!  Very long!!   Some of you may be thinking, The Fight for your mental health?  It's not like you are fighting cancer, or diabetes, or heart disease!  What do you mean by "The Fight for My Mental Health"?    If you have ever dealt with a mental illness, you know exactly what I'm referring to!  It is a Fight!  It's a huge fight and it's not a fight for one who backs down easily.  It takes persistence and consistency and never giving up!  I'll give you a run down of the timeline (thus far) of my fight to get better.

March 17th  -  I cried at work.

March 20th - I went to the Dr b/c of my Depression getting worse.  She told me I needed better coping skills and upped my Prozac from 10 mg to 20 mg.

March 25th -  I had a 7 am counseling appointment with my Counselor who taught me Mindfulness.

April 21st - I had an awful crying day at work on the 20th.  i was able to take the 21st off and called my Dr. at 8:15 am on the 21st, to try and get in to be seen.  My Depression was getting much worse, and not better.  My Dr said she could not see me and told me to go to Epworth.  I later found out that Epworth is an inpatient facility only.  Since I was not a harm to myself or to others and was not suicidal, I had to wait till Monday, April 24th, to be seen.  My Dr.. did not offer me any other appointments with other Dr.'s at her practice that Friday.  When i saw my Dr. on Monday the 24th of April, she upped my Prozac from 20 mg to 40 mg.  I was crying uncontrollably and told her I  could not function.   She looked at me with a straight face and said "So you are going back to work tomorrow, right?".  I said "I just told you I cannot function!  No, I cannot go back to work tomorrow.  She offered to write a note.  I told her notes don't work at my place of employment and that I needed FMLA to secure my job.  I was in disbelief, I had always gotten along with her before and had no problems with her, until my depression started acting up.  She had been prescribing my meds for 6 years and not once had I ever had issues severe enough that I went to see her in regards to my depression.  I was not a "cry wolf" type of patient.  She finally agreed to give me 2 weeks of FMLA.  I filed for FMLA, but not for short term disability because I needed to use my vacation time for our mission trip to Ecuador in July.

After, being shocked and very unhappy with how the appointment went with my Dr on the 24th, I made an appointment to see a new Dr. on April 26th.  He was awesome, but most of all because he possessed empathy and understanding in regards to depression.  We set up another appointment for me to see him for a follow-up on Friday, May 5th, before I returned to work on May 8th.  He wanted me to have another week off to see my Counselor and work on getting better, so he gave me another week of FMLA.  I took that unpaid as well.

I went back to work on Monday, May 15th.  I worked the 15th-18th (Mon-Thurs) and by the end of the day on Thursday I was behind on my work and crying.  I was able to take the 19th off of work.  I got in to see my new Dr. on the 20th.  I told him that every time the old Dr upped my Prozac, 3 weeks later, I would be crying uncontrollably.  He believed me and set up a plan for me to be weaned off of the med.  He agreed to up my Seroquel from 200-300 mg.  We also both agreed that it was time for me to apply for short term disability while getting used to new meds and waiting to see a Psych Specialist. My Husband and I decided it was not in my best interest to go out of the country on the mission trip at this time.   When I first saw this Dr. on April 26th, he got me on a referral list for a Psychiatrist.  I called that place on May 18th and found out I was on a waiting list for a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner because that Psychiatrist only saw adolescents and children.  The last time I checked (a few days ago), they will be calling to schedule an appointment with me in the next week or 2, but I probably won't be seen until the end of July/beginning of August.

I had a follow-up appointment with my new Dr on Friday, June 2nd.  I had gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks due to my meds making me crave bad stuff, and me giving in to those cravings.  He advised me to push thru the extreme tiredness and avoid sleeping whenever I was tired.  It's been hard, but I was successful yesterday, and I have been successful today..  I have an appointment on June 27th for blood work to be drawn and then my next follow-up appointment with my Dr is July 6th.  

I  applied for Short Term Disability thru my Employer on May 19th.  Due to a Holiday and some miscommunication between my Dr.s Office and my Employer, my employer just received the needed paperwork from my Dr late on Friday June 2nd.  Today is June 6th and I am still waiting for an answer as ti whether my short term disability will be approved or denied.

During all of this my Husband got a promotion at work.  God is good and is watching out for us.  I am very much at peace right now in regards to my short term disability getting approved or denied.  I don't know what will happen.  Since I was feeling so much peace, I used the concordance in my NLT Bible and I found the following verse: " Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you."  Job 22:21.  I can honestly say that I feel that's what I'm doing now, submitting to God.  My health has to come first.  I'm glad my Husband realizes that, and I'm glad we live modestly and live below our means.  I am not worried.

So, there you have it.  This is my saga thus far.  I think the uppage of seroquel and the weaning off of prozac has helped, but I'm still dealing with the side effects of the seroquel, which aren't fun.  



Thank you to the Friends who have stopped by, called and/or texted, or have sent me well wishes thru my Husband at work, or to me thru FB.  I really appreciate it.  It is nice to be thought of and know that I'm cared for.  God's got this.  I'm not worried.  I just want to get better.  

So there you have it.  That's what I mean by "The Fight For My Mental Health", and it's not over yet.

As a bracelet given to me by a friend says "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it".  With God and Jonathan on my side, I can and will come out of this stronger!

Peace, Love, and Joy to you All!

Love,

J-La-Sta

I Just Want to Feel Like Myself Again

Yes, parts of J-La-Sta come out every now and then.  Just bits and pieces of my goofiness, usually around Jonathan, who is one of the only people I see these days, since i am off of work.  I used to think it would be cool to be off of work for a while. But this is not how I imagined it.  Dr. Appointments, Counseling Appointments,  getting used to strong meds that make me so so tired, but not knowing if I'm even on the right ones yet.   Waiting and waiting and waiting some more to get in to see a Nurse Practitioner (Psychiatrist).  Not feeling like doing much of anything. Having a horrible memory, and not being able to talk right, ie say what I want to say.  I can't safely drive myself long distances due to the effects the meds are having on me. Jonathan says I sleep a lot, although I do make myself get up and go to bed at basically the same times every day.   I have little to no energy.  Plus, I'm still waiting to see if my short term disability from work has been approved, which adds more stress to my life.   Then the bills that are piling up from said appointments..  Yes, I'm blessed to have great insurance and I'm thankful I chose the PPO plan for the last year it's being offered.  I've already met my deductible, and it's a very low deductible comparatively.  I'm bummed that we are not going on the Mission Trip to Ecuador because we felt the Lord prodding us not to go due the current state of my mental health.  Then on top of this I worry about the serious health conditions of close loved ones.  Yes, I know God is in control, but you would worry too, trust me!  If you were in my shoes and didn't worry at all, you wouldn't be human.  Just sayin!

We all have our crosses in life to bear.  Mine just happens to be depression.  Yes I've tried it all and no, essential oils won't take it all magically away and removing sugar from my diet won't magically take it away, etc etc etc.  There is no easy fix.  I have dealt with depression since I was 16 years old.  Actually, I can even remember having it as a small child.

I was off of work for 3 weeks and went back for 4 days and couldn't handle it.  I need to be able to function at 100 percent and I wasn't there yet.  These meds are kicking my butt and I only had 1 med change at the time.  This is my 5th full week off of work.  I have worked there for 9 years.  I have worried about losing my job, but you know what?  I work to live.  I don't live to work.  If there is anything this most recent bout of depression has taught me, is that I put my job way ahead of where it should have been in the list of my priorities.  I put it above my health, above my trust in God, etc.  It has caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and I want my life to show what my priorities are.  If my Family needs me I will be there.  Work is not, nor should it be my first priority.  I want my life to show that my priorities are 1.  God.  2.  Jonathan  2.5 (half joking) Mookie  3. Family  4.  Work.  God will provide for my needs.  Jonathan and I live below our means.  Jonathan was recently blessed with a promotion at work.  We can live on his income and survive just fine.  We just wouldn't be able to bless others and travel like we love to do.

I am Jennifer Stanley, a Loved Daughter of the King.  I am not Jennifer Stanley, Technical Assistant.  My worth does not come from my job.  But you know what, I was letting my worth come from my job before this bout of depression.  I based my worth on my performance.  So maybe, just maybe, God is using this to teach me to not hold on so tightly to my job, to make me Trust that God will provide for me and that I have Jonathan now.  I'm no longer all alone in this world.  I don't know what the future holds, but God promises to take care of me.

When I first pulled up FB this Afternoon, I saw this right away:

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

"I want you to face adversity with confidence and firm determination. Because I am with you and the Holy Spirit lives in you, you have everything you need to be bold. Cowardliness is not of My kingdom. When you are feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances, remember who you are—a child of the eternal King! Invite Me into the very circumstances that are intimidating you, and let the Light of My powerful Presence strengthen you. When you choose to live courageously, I am pleased. And I respond by strengthening your heart, thus increasing your valor." —Jesus Today by Sarah Young, p. 338

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord." —Psalm 31:24 NKJV

God knew I needed to read this.  I am going to live courageously, no matter what my depressed feelings tell me, and no matter what happens with my job.  God will strengthen me and He will provide for me as he always has.

So Friends, I pray that this has given you some encouragement as well.  Life isn't easy..  We all have our crosses in life to bear.  If the grass looks greener on the other side, chances are it's not.....it only looks that way.  Not everyone opens their heart and soul like I do, but I pride myself in being real.

So, like Jonathan keeps telling me, my job right now is to get myself better.   That's it.  That's my job.  Whether I get paid for it or not.  

Thank you to my Friends who have been there to support me!  It is much appreciated!  Thank you for being His hands and feet to me.  Thank you to Jonathan for dealing with me the past few months.  I know it hasn't been easy and that this is the worse my depression has been since we've been married (almost 6 years).

To my co-workers, I hope to be back sooner, rather than later.  If you would, say a prayer that a Psychiatrist appointment would magically open up, that would help! :-)

I'm thankful for an Awesome MD who has empathy and wants to help me and knows I am trying to get better.

Most of all, Thank you to God for providing for my every need and for placing people into my life at just the right time, especially my sweet 4 legged baby, Mookie, who loves me unconditionally and follows me everywhere. 

Thanks for listening everyone!  I'll continue to keep you updated on my progress.

~J-La-Sta

Overwhelming Gratitude

We received a Christmas card, on Christmas Eve, from Dear Friends, who I have known since I was a little girl.  It was so nice to hear from them, but most of all, the handwritten note is what meant so much to me.  She had gotten our Christmas photo card in the mail showing our many Blessings.  She told me that she is currently reading a book called "364 Days of Thanksgiving".  It's a devotional, and the goal of the Author is to spur "overwhelming gratitude, which leads to overwhelming generosity".  The secret, he says, to overwhelming gratitude is :  open your eyes.  My Friend said:  "You two have done that and your faces show it.  "Godliness with contentment is great gain."  God is good!"  It meant so much to me to have someone who knew me in my childhood/teenage years, and knows my struggle with depression, see in my eyes and face, that we are grateful and content.  I truly am!  I couldn't ask for more.  Well, OK, I'd gladly have my depression taken away....but other than that....Life is Good!  We are so blessed!  We have each other, our new home, and our precious Mookie boy, but most of all, we have a Savior who will never leave us!  I've found that my contentment comes from God and from realizing His many blessings to me.  Of course it took me years of hard times to be able to get to this point, but I am truly content.  God has Blessed us!  I pray that you can find contentment in your life, and are able to see your Blessings, even in the midst of hard times.  Life is tough, but God is Faithful! :-)

Merry Christmas! :-)

The Thanksgiving Weekend I Didn't Know I Needed!

 At the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I have strongly disliked the Holidays for as long as I can remember.  Just being real.  Rushing around here and there to get to at least 2 different Thanksgiving Celebrations and 2-4 Christmas Celebrations, during my hardest time of the year, stressed me out.  The fact that Dad passed away on December 8th, 17 years ago, didn't help me handle the holidays any easier.  Yes. I am an Extrovert.  Yes.  I love people.  But, I dislike rushing around trying to make it to every Holiday Celebration, so as to not upset anyone, while not taking care of me.

This Thanksgiving Weekend was hands down, the most relaxing and stress free Thanksgiving Weekend I have ever had.  This does not mean that every other Thanksgiving has been awful.  We have had some great Thanksgivings with Friends and Family, and we are so appreciative of all of the hard work that goes in to hosting Thanksgiving Dinners!  There are many things that play into why this was the most relaxing Thanksgiving I have ever had.  1.  This was the 1st time we have celebrated Thanksgiving in our own Home!  2.  We had a small, intimate celebration.  There were only 7 of us, plus Mookie.  3.  We didn't drive anywhere, not even for the day.  4.  This means we had 4 full days off together, at home, with no plans, and no driving. Mookie had a grooming appointment at 1:00pm on Friday, and that was the only thing we had planned.   I had so much time to just "be" in my own home, with my Husband, and my Dog.  It was glorious!

Thank you Jonathan, for all of the hard work you put into preparing our Feast.  It was delicious!  Also, thanks to Joel and Sandy and the boys for driving down from Grand Rapids to celebrate Thanksgiving with us.  It was so great to see you all!  I don't think God ever meant for us to get so stressed out over the Holidays.  Parties and gifts and appearances aren't the Reasons for the Season.  Jesus is the Real Reason for the Season!  He knows my Heart and He knows what I need, and it is truly liberating to have spent a Holiday exactly the way that I wanted to spend it.

So, if I don't show up for a Family Holiday Party.  Please don't take it personally.  This is just not my easiest time of year, and I need to take care of me.  So far, I'm doing a much better job of it than I have in years past.   Please understand, It's not that I don't want to see you.  It's just that other times of the year are easier for me to attend get togethers.

I am beyond Grateful for these past few days that I have gotten to be off work, in our home, with Jonathan and Mookie.  Life is Good!  We are Blessed! :-)

The "Skinny" on Our Winter Solstice Party

     I did it!  I successfully baked 3 Desserts and made 2 Appetizers (with the help of my Husband), for our 3rd Annual Winter Solstice Party.  My Desserts and Appetizers were a hit!  This making so many items for one party is new for me!  I feel so Domesticated now! :-)  You wanna know the best part (in my opinion) about the food I prepared?  Everything I served was "Points Friendly"!  If someone wanted to try 1 serving of each of the 5 items served, they would have only needed to use 8 Weight Watchers Points!  We also served Skinny Sticks and Ranch Veggie Straws which are also "Points Friendly", and we served a fruit platter (which I forgot to take a picture of) with watermelon, cantaloupe and red and green grapes.  For beverages, we had a choice of water, soda, diet soda, moscato, and Stella Artois bottles of beer. 

 

I wanted to share my "Skinny" and WW Points Friendly recipe finds with you all. 

All food pics were taken by me.

 

Appetizer #1
Skinny, Pizza Flavored Pigs in a Blanket
Recipe taken from SkinnyKitchen.com
WW Points Plus per piece:  1
I doubled this recipe.

 

Ingredients for Pigs in a Blanket:
1 (8-oz) can Pillsbury Reduced-Fat Refrigerated Crescent Dinner Rolls
1 package Hebrew National 97% fat-free hotdogs, cut int 4 pieces each (you’ll have 1 leftover)
¼ cup pizza or pasta sauce, from a jar, see shopping tips
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese, grated
Garlic powder


Ingredients for dipping: Optional
⅔ cup pizza sauce or pasta sauce

Instructions
1. Heat oven to 375 degrees. Coat a cookie sheet with cooking spray.
2. Unroll dough; separate into 8 triangles. Cut each triangle into 3 smaller triangles. Don’t worry if the shape of the triangle looks more like a box. It will still roll up nicely. Spread each triangle with ½ teaspoon pizza sauce and sprinkle with ¼ teaspoon Parmesan. Place 1 mini hot dog on the shortest side of each triangle; Roll up to opposite point. Fold in any dough sticking out.  Place, point side down on cookie sheet. Sprinkle each with a little garlic powder over the top. Repeat steps to make 24 total.
3. Bake for 15 to 16 minutes or until deep golden brown. Immediately remove from cookie sheet onto a serving plate.
4. Serve with pizza sauce on the side, if desired.
Makes 24 total

 

Appetizer #2
TGI Friday’s Mozzarella Sticks Made Skinny
Recipe taken from SkinnyKitchen.com
WW Points Plus for 2 pieces:  2
I doubled this recipe.

Ingredients for Mozzarella Sticks:
12 light string cheese sticks, I used Weight Watchers Smoked Flavor String cheese or any brand of light low-moisture part skim mozzarella cheese sticks
1 large egg, I like Egg-Land’s Best
2 tablespoons flour
⅔  cup panko crumbs, see shopping tip
¾ teaspoon garlic powder
¼ teaspoon salt
Fresh ground black pepper, to taste
Cooking spray, I like olive oil cooking spray

Ingredients for Dipping:
¾ cup pizza sauce or marinara sauce, I used Classico Pizza Sauce

Instructions
1. Cut each cheese stick in half to create 24 pieces. Place cheese pieces on a plate and freeze for at least 1 hour until frozen. These can be stored for several days in the freezer until ready to use. Wrap them in plastic wrap, once frozen.
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil and coat with cooking spray. Set aside.
3. In small bowl, beat the egg. Place flour in another small bowl. In a third small bowl, add panko bread crumbs, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Mix well.
4. To assemble mozzarella sticks: Dip frozen sticks in flour, shaking off excess, then into egg, then finally coat with panko crumbs. Repeat steps to coat all of them.
5. Place all coated sticks on baking sheet.  Spray the tops with cooking spray.
6. Bake for 5 minutes, turn over and spray with a little more cooking spray. Bake an additional 4-5 minutes until heated but NOT melted. In fact, be sure to keep an eye on them so they don’t melt!
7. Remove from oven and place on a plate.  Serve with pizza sauce on the side.  Refrigerate any leftovers. They will keep for several days. To reheat, either zap in microwave for a few seconds or place on a baking sheet and heat in a 400 degree oven until warm but not melted.

Makes 24 pieces (each serving 2 pieces and 1 tablespoon sauce) These 2 pieces are equal to 1 string cheese stick!

Dessert #1
Mini Cherry Pies
Recipe taken from DessertYum.com
WW Points Plus per mini pie:  1
I doubled this recipe.

Ingredients:

1. Nasoya Won Ton Wraps - 12 ounce package.
2. Light Pie Filling & Topping - 20 ounce can.
3. Light Cool Whip (optional)

Sit Won Ton Wraps in Muffin Tins

Evenly distribute Pie Filling into the 12 tins

Bake at 350 for 10 minutes (I baked mine for more like 17 minutes)

Top with light cool whip

Makes 12 Mini Cherry Pies

Dessert #2
Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bars
Recipe taken from Iowafarmgrown.com
WW Points Plus per bar:  2

1 box angel food cake mix (1 step kind)
1 15 oz can pumpkin
3/4 cup water
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 8 oz package reduced fat or fat-free cream cheese

Add in a few tablespoons of water with the cream cheese to thin it out a little bit. (tip: leave the cream cheese on the counter to soften. I mixed the cream cheese and water with my hand mixer.)
In a separate bowl, mix the cake mix, pumpkin, water and cinnamon together until it is smooth and well mixed.

Spray a 9 x 13 Pyrex dish with Pam, and add HALF of the cake/pumpkin mix. Smooth it out with a rubber spatula. Drizzle half of the cream cheese over the top and take a small spatula to smooth it over the top. Add remaining cake/pumpkin mix and the remaining cream cheese making layers.
Finally, take a butter knife and stick it into the mix swirling it back and forth in the cake by making figure “8’s” to blend it.

Bake for 35 minutes at 375 degrees OR until a toothpick comes out clean.

Makes 24 bars.

Dessert #3
Skinny Funfetti Cupcakes
Recipe taken from sixsistersstuff.com
WW Points Plus per Cupcake:  2

 

Ingredients:

Cupcakes:

1 pkg. Pillsbury Funfetti Cake Mix (just the powder, not the recipe on the box)

1 (12 ounce) can Sprite Zero

Frosting:

1 (8 ounce) container Fat Free Cool Whip

1 (1.5 ounce) pkg. Fat Free Vanilla Jello Instant Pudding (just the powder, not the recipe on the box)

Directions:

 

Cupcakes:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line 24 cupcake tins with paper liners.  In a large bowl, combine cake mix and Sprite together.  Continue to mix until the batter is smooth without any lumps.  Pour approximately 1/4 cup of batter into every cupcake wrapper.  Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.  Let cool before frosting.

Frosting:

In a mixing bowl, add Cool Whip and pudding.  Mix with a whisk by hand or an electric hand mixer until smooth.  Spread over cooled cupcakes.  Makes enough frosting for 24 cupcakes.

HAPPY WINTER SOLSTICE!!!! :-)

The Winter Solstice Party Peeps



Our Story Is Just Too Perfect To Be A Series of Coincidences!

“There are No real coincidences in life for those with faith strong enough to recognize coincidences for what they really are: intricate pieces of the providential design God created for each of our lives”
― Delia Parr, Love's First Bloom

 

     Six years ago my Small Groupies were helping me process my fears about a big upcoming change in my life.  I accepted a position at LM in Mishawaka and would be working 11:00 AM - 7:15 PM Monday thru Friday.  This was an answer to prayer!  I had been waitressing for 6 months and would seriously cry if I got a bad or non-existant tip because I was only making $2.13 an hour and needed to pay my bills!  Oh, and I would soon have health insurance again, which was something I didn't have for a year!  This was a GOOD change! :-)  Those who know me, know that change is hard for me.  The smaller the change the better! LOL :-)  I'm still having mini freak outs because the new coat I bought this week isn't as warm as my old one was!  See, I told you I have a hard time with change!  I often allow my fears, whether rational or not, to rule my mind and sabotage any excitement I have about an upcoming change in my life. 

 

     In regards to this particular life change, I was convinced that I would no longer have a social life since I worked till 7:15pm.  Most of my friends started work at 8:00 AM.  No one would want to meet me for dinner at 7:30pm, and I couldn't be involved at Church because most things started at 6:30pm!  This was a big deal and a real fear!  My small group jokingly and lovingly asked, "So do you think your friends will turn into pumpkins at 7:15pm?"  Well, when they said it that way, it was funny!  Of course not! LOL  Most people do not go to bed at 7:30 PM.  We still joke about it to this day!  Eventually I got into my new routine and yes, friends did still meet me for Dinner, and a Sunday night small group began, which was a HUGE Blessing for me! 

    Those who know me, also know that I am a huge numbers and dates gal!  I started my new job on March 17th, 2008.  It was because of working in the same building, that I eventually met and started dating Jonathan (who had started working at LM just 5 months before I did).  Our first date was October 9th, 2009 (Thanks to Sara and Doug!!!).  We got engaged December 10th, 2010 and we were Married on July 8th, 2011.  I was 37.5 years old and Jonathan turned 36 just two days after the wedding.  About a year after we got married, Jonathan was asked by his Dad to be his power of attorney.  His Dad had lung cancer and needed our help.  He was hospitalized many times and was in a nursing home the last 5 months of his life.  Jonathan stepped up to the plate to help get his Dad the care he needed.  Those were 5 difficult months, but we treasure the memories and time spent with K-Man.  He knew he was loved!  His Dad passed away on February 26th, 2013.  We planned the Memorial Service on the 27th and the 28th I was admitted to the hospital and 2 days later had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed.  I was released the next day and went straight to his Dad's memorial service.  Wow!  Last year at this time was rough, REALLY, REALLY rough, but we were so blessed to have each other for support and encouragement.  Jonathan took great care of me! 

 

     Fast forward to December of 2013.  Jonathan applied for a different position at LM.  It was a long process and he had to give a presentation.  He was notified on the 1 Year Anniversary of his Dad's death (February 26th, 2014, that he GOT the new Position!  He is being promoted!  I am so PROUD of him and excited for him!  I know he will do a great job and this job will better utilize his many talents!  He starts his new position as Trainer on Monday, March 3rd, 2014! :-)

 

 

 

     Here is the best part of this whole story for this "numbers gal"!  The first new hire class that Jonathan will train, starts on March 17th, 2014.  My 6 year Anniversary at LM is on March 17th, 2014!  If anyone would have told me on March 17th, 2008 (my first day at LM in the training class), that 6 years from today I would be Married to the new Trainer at LM, I NEVER would have believed it!!!!!  First of all, I never thought I'd get married, even though I really wanted to, and secondly, I was completely against being friends with anyone from work! LOL  Thanks to Holly for not listening to me when I told her I didn't make friends at work! LOL  If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have even considered dating someone who worked in the same building as I did! 

 

Wow!  Just Wow!  This numbers girl is very happy!  So many things happened that I believe were orchestrated by God to get us to the point we are at now!  I don't believe it was just a bunch of coincidences.   I'm so thankful God brought us together and continues to shower our lives with His Blessings!  I love you Jonathan!  I'm your biggest Cheerleader and I am so very proud to be called your Wife!  We have a lot to celebrate this weekend in Chicago and a lot to celebrate on Monday, March 17th! :-)

 

 



Facebook Is My Crack - My New Plan Of Attack!

Hello, My Name Is J-La-Sta and I am a

 

I'm sure this admission comes as no surprise to the majority of my FB followers.  Before FB, I was addicted to Internet dating.  Yes, I am now a Married woman.  No, I am NOT still addicted to Internet dating!  I don't think that would sit too well with my Husband, and understandably so! :-) 

 

• I am a very social person, so it is not surprising that I would be addicted to social media.  However, I've come to realize this about social media and in my case, Facebook:

 

In doing research on social media/facebook addiction, I've read that FB can be more addicting than drugs and alcohol.  I believe that, because it is for me!  But just as stated in the pic above, FB makes you feel that you're connecting with people when actually you're just not.  I agree that it is a form of connection with people you probably do know, or have known in real life, but it is no replacement for real human interaction, real human relationships.  

 

We've become a society that's so reliant on technology we've forgotten how to communicate with each other.We need to be not ruled by social networks. We need to go out there and actually connect to the world around us. Technology has made our life easier, but it's stopped us from connecting.We've become a disposable society; a society where relationships are no longer important. We basically use people as we use phones. We have one year contracts. It's time for us to really connect again because the world is becoming a disconnected place, right when we need each other most.  David Wygant

 

For the past few years now I've felt as if many people know what's going on in my life, without much effort on their part, because I post a lot of status updates on FB.  However, it takes more effort on my part to find out what is going on in their lives because they don't post on FB.  I have no one but MYSELF to blame!!  I think b/c I post on FB frequently, people may feel they know what is going on in my life.  Yes, they may know what is going on (although I don't post everything on FB believe it or not!), and that is the great thing about FB.  It keeps people up to date about the happenings in our lives in this very busy world.  But I miss real relationships.  Do I socialize outside of FB.  Yes!  Do I socialize enough outside of FB? No!  I want to get more connected at our Church and hopefully we will get plugged in to a Small Group soon!   

 

 

• I think one of the reasons that I'm addicted to FB is that I have a fear of missing out!  Who likes the feeling of missing out?  No one that I know!

 



          It's not facebook, its crackbook - and we all suffer FOMO. 

Summary: FOMO -- fear of missing out is keeping us addicted to our social networking sites according to a new connecting and communicating study released today.
Eileen Brown

• I think another reason that I'm addicted to FB is that I'm an approval addict as well.  Come on, admit it, does anyone else check FB to see who or how many people have "liked" your status update?  I have! Many times!

Not until I learn to remind myself of how little the opinions of others matter in deciding who I become in life will my social media addiction be entirely cured. It's not my use of the websites that trouble me, but my dependence on them to make me feel whole. Feeling complete should never be reliant on someone sitting at a computer pressing a button and accurately reflecting who I am online is impossible because no digitized photo album or self-aggrandizing "About Me" section will ever do me justice.
High School Senior
Jonathan Jacob Moore 

“Our desire for approval can only truly be met by receiving God’s acceptance and approval of us.”  Joyce Meyer 

I've put FB above my relationship with God for FAR too long.  So what am I going to do about my addiction?  With HIS help, I will overcome my addiction.  Here are the steps I've taken/will take to wean myself of this addiction.  Do I think people should quit FB altogether?  No!  I believe that when used in moderation, it can be a very handy tool for communication, encouragement, etc. 

1. Last night I created a new FB Password.  It is 15 letters/numbers long.  There is no way I could possibly remember it.  I then logged off of FB on my cell phone.  I deleted my FB and Twitter Apps on my phone. 
2. I will only use FB on the laptop, which we moved out of the living room and into our guest room.  I will have the password written down there.
3. I will start off by limiting myself to 20 minutes on FB in the morning (AFTER showering and my quiet time with God!), and I will allow myself to use FB for an hour and a half in the evening.  This is FAR FAR less time than I had been spending on it!  I will not have limits on yahoo, google, etc for now b/c I am not addicted to the Internet.  I am addicted to social media.

It’s like an eating disorder. You can’t eliminate food. You just have to make better choices about what you eat.” She added, “And what you do online.”  Katie Hafner

Please pray for me as I begin this weaning process!  I need all the prayers and encouragement I can get!  Just like I gradually weaned myself off of overeating via weight watcher's.  I will now wean myself off of FB gradually, till I reach a healthy amount of FB time for me!  I'm sure I will now have so much time that I won't know what to do with myself, but I'm sure I'll be tons more productive outside of work!  (Thankfully we can not go on FB or the Internet at work for personal use!)

I feel this is the last addiction (that I know of) that I need to confront.  Baby steps!

Here is a tool if you are curious to find out if you are addicted to FB or not:

Rate yourself on the Facebook Addiction Scale.
Record your responses -- very rarely, rarely, sometimes, often or very often -- to the six following statements.
•You spend a lot of time thinking about Facebook or plan to use Facebook.
•You feel an urge to use Facebook more and more.
•You use Facebook in order to forget about personal problems.
•You have tried to cut down on the use of Facebook without success.
•You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using Facebook.
•You use Facebook so much that it has a negative impact on your job/studies.
Now count up the number of times you answered "often" or "very often."


Quick Poll
Did you respond "often" or "very often" to four or more statements?

Yes -- Congrats! You're a Facebook addict like the rest of us.

No -- Woohoo! Your Facebook dependency hasn't reached the level of addiction.


Sara Gates
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/08/facebook-addiction-test-women_n_1500656.html

 

I Can't Believe This Is MY Life!

God has Blessed me with FAR more than I ever could have asked for or imagined!

 

I am overwhelmed with awe and thankfulness for the life I am living right now!  Is this really MY life?  Had I not gone thru years of challenges, difficulties and loneliness, I KNOW I wouldn't be even half as appreciative as I am today!  God is GOOD Now and He was GOOD Then!  It's just easier to see when life is going very well!

 

What I'm Thankful For

 

• Undeserved and definitely unearned GRACE from my Savior Jesus!

 

• MY HUSBAND.  I was single for 37.5 Years!  We will be celebrating our 2 Year Anniversary on July 8th and I couldn't be happier!  I am Married to my perfect match and now all of my single years make sense!  There was a purpose!  God was strengthening me thru the tough times.



 

• The fact that we are DEBT FREE.  Yes, we worked very hard to get where we are at, but it was only because we are both Blessed with jobs.

 

• VACATIONS!  We have this coming week off of work and get to spend it in Northern MI enjoying each other, and the beauty of God's creation!  We get to rest and get rejuvenated from our challenging start to the year (FIL passing and my hospitalization the same week - This was our last "vacation").  In  September we get to visit my MIL in WV, and in January we get to go to ARUBA where we will spend 7 nights at an all-inclusive resort.  It will be a nice break from the Indiana winter permacloud and  we will be celebrating my 40th Birthday.

 

• HEALTH.  I am so very thankful for my health and the health of my Husband!  I had my dead and gangrenous gallbladder removed in March.  I was hospitalized for 3 nights.  Between my Husband and I we have collectively lost 123 lbs since February of 2012.  That's a whole person!  We are eating healthier and also walking.  We LOVE Weight Watchers Online! :)  We both feel SO much better and it's an Amazing feeling to be fitting into smaller sizes of clothing that we haven't worn in years!  I was prediabetic in Feb of 2012 and I am proud to say that I kicked prediabetes to the curb! :)

 

• FAMILY & FRIENDS.  We have wonderful family and lots of wonderful friends.  We LOVE being "Aunt Jenny & Uncle Jonathan".  We are blessed to have lots of little (and many not so little anymore) ones to love and spoil!  What an Honor to be in these influential roles!

 

I know that life can change in an instant, but right now I'm thoroughly loving and enjoying this life that I am Blessed to live!  Thanks God!  :)

 

 

 

 





Happy Thanksgiving 2012!!

I hope you all had a very blessed Thanksgiving!  Ours was wonderful!  We got to spend it with loved ones, and were blessed with a 60 degree sunny day!  Happy Holidays from our Family to yours!

J-La-Sta's 2nd Thankful Thursday!

I have so much to be thankful for today and everyday!  Here are the people/things I'm especially thankful for today:

I'm Thankful For My Friend Christy.  I first met Christy going on 4 year ago.  Wow!  Time sure flies!  She ended up being one of my roommates for a time when I was living at my friend Alaina's house.  Over the years we have grown to become really good friends!  I'm thankful that our conversations always center around how God is working in our lives!  Christy has such a kind and giving heart!  Tonight we met at Panera and it was great to catch up with her!  Even though many many months had passed, it felt as though no time had passed at all!  Thanks for a fun evening and great conversation Christy!  Here is a pic of us which was taken at our friend Alaina's Wedding which was Thanksgiving weekend in 2010.

I'm Thankful For Central Air Conditioning.  It was VERY HOT and humid in South Bend today!  Our high temp today was 100 degrees!  We live on the 3rd floor.  I left the AC set at 78 degrees when I left for work this morning, knowing that if I set it any higher than that, we wouldn't be able to cool off when we got home.  It was 79 in here when Jonathan got home.  79 and humidity free is something to be extremely thankful for when it is so hot and humid outside.  I feel for those who don't have any air conditioning and all and pray for their safety.

I'm Thankful The End of The Work Week Is Near.  It's always a long work week for me when I work the previous Saturday and then only have Sunday off before the new work week beings.  Tomorrow is FRIDAY and for that I am Thankful!  Yay for rest and relaxation and time with my favorite guy! :)

Have a Great Weekend Everyone! :-)

After Years of Searching, I Found My Home!

All 3 Pics were taken by my SIL Sandy of Sandra Ellen Photography in Grand Rapids!

My Moves During College (6 times if I'm counting correctly):
August 1992 - Moved from South Bend, IN to College in Milwaukee, WI - Lived in dorm.
May 1993 - Moved back to South Bend, IN for the Summer
August 1993 - Moved back to College in Milwaukee, WI - Lived in dorm.
May 1994 - Moved from dorm to an apartment on campus for the summer.
August 1994 - Moved from summer apartment to another apartment on campus for the school year.
May 1995 - Moved to another apartment on campus for the summer and following school year.

My Moves Since College (Yep, 15 times in 15 years)
May 1996 - Graduated College - Moved to an off campus apartment in Milwaukee, WI with a friend.
August 1997 - Moved to Greenfield WI to my own apartment when roomie got married.
May 1998 - Moved to South Milwaukee, WI where I lived where I worked.
September 1998 - Moved to Cudahy, WI where I had my own apartment again.
July 2001 - Moved to Denver (Aurora), Colorado for a job and lived where I worked.
February 2002 - Moved back to WI and lived in Oak Creek, WI with a family who are friends of mine
November 2002 - Moved into my own apartment in Milwaukee, WI.
March 2004 - Moved into another apartment in West Milwaukee, WI, which was right across the street from where I worked at the time.
October 2006 - Moved to West Allis, WI by New Berlin, WI border.
May 2007 - Relocated back to my hometown of South Bend IN and lived with my Grandma in Granger, IN.
September 2007 - Moved to Autumn Lakes Apartments in Mishawaka, IN with a friend.
March 2008 - Moved into a house with 2-3 other women in Mishawaka, IN and rented a room.
June 2009 - Moved into a Condo in Mishawaka, IN that I shared with the Owner.
July 2010 - Finally got back on my feet and moved into my own Apartment at Irish Hills Apartments in South Bend, IN.
July 2011 - I moved from my 1 bedroom apartment into a 2 bedroom apartment with my husband, at the same apartment complex in South Bend, IN.

I HATE MOVING! 
Wouldn't you if you had moved so many times?

Moving is the third most stressful event in life, following death and divorce. (from: Employee Relocation Council).  Moving is trauma, ranked right up there with getting a divorce, losing a job or burying a loved one.

I dealt with the loss of my Dad alone and have moved SO many times by myself, that with all of that stress, God must be preparing me for something huge! :)

"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

This is my favorite Engagement Pic!  Sandy is a very talented Photographer! :)

I'm so thankful that we are staying put for a few years!  The only reason we would move, is to buy a condo or a house!  It's nice to have some consistency and stability for a while! :)

All of this moving really has taught me that

"Home Is Where The Heart Is!"

We Are Content Being A Family of Two!

Yes, my Husband and I are a FAMILY of two!  We believe that our family is complete! :)

Our First Date As a Married Couple - Clearwater Beach, FL

We are not planning on having any children.  However, we also know that the Creator of life may have other plans. (In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9)  We are 100% Pro-Life, so if God chooses otherwise, we will be happy with His plan and embrace His gift of life.  That being said, my life just hasn't been the "get engaged in college, get married right after college, have kids right away" type of life that many of my friends have had.  I haven't followed the typical"/expected" path.  That hasn't been God's plan for me.  I used to not like being different,  but now I love it!  I'm Jennifer Stanley, not Suzie Homemaker. Neither do I consider myself to be a "Career Woman".  I work to live, not live to work.  Anyways, there will most likely not be a television show called "Jon & Jen Plus (Insert any number here)".  It's more like "0 Kids & Not Counting"!  I will be 39 in January, not 22.  Some days I hardly have the energy to work full time and take care of myself and be a wife, so I don't know how I would have the energy to be a Mom at this point in my life!.  I do know that God never gives us more than we can handle.  Which is why my best friend has 4 boys, and I don't.  He knew she could handle it and be a great Mom, too!  I also am on medications that are working that I could not be on if I were pregnant. 

What people might assume about us (or others) because of our (their) choice to not have children:

1. We are selfish.  Yep, we are human and we can all be selfish at times.  However, I wouldn't consider us to be selfish people.  I don't believe our reasons for not wanting children are selfish.  We love to serve God and others with our time and money, and we can do that in ways that we couldn't do if we had children. 

2. We don't like children.  Wrong!  We love kids, and they really do love us too! :)Have you seen pictures of us with our Nephews/Nieces?  We all have fun when we are together!  They especially love to climb on Uncle Jonathan!  We get to enjoy our Nephews/Nieces and (hopefully) be good examples for them.  Just because we love children, doesn't mean we want to raise some of our own.

3. We want to spend all of our money on ourselves.  I would be lying if I said we didn't have things, such as traveling that we want to do!  However, we love giving of our time and money to God, family and friends!  We are very Blessed!  We want to get out of debt (which we will be very shortly!) so that we can continue to give and be a blessing to others.  We are choosing to live well beneath our means in order to do so.

Some "not so great" reasons to have children (in my opinion):

1. In case we might someday regret not having children.  Not a good reason to have kids.  It sounds a bit selfish, because it's all about "us". " I'll have kids so I don't feel regret later in life". 

2. To have someone to take care of us when we get old.  There are no guarantees in life.  Having children just so there will be someone to take care of us when we are old, would not be fair to the kids, nor is it necessarily realistic.  In this day and age people relocate more now than ever, and families often don't live in close proximity to each other.  In my opinion, having children for this reason is more selfish than choosing not to have children.  Plus, I'm the type of person who will be talking with everyone and having fun even when I'm in a Nursing Home!

3. Because many of our friends have children/are having children.  We've all heard this one:  "If your friends jumped off of a cliff, would you jump off of a cliff too??"  Umm, NO!  Not a good idea to do something just because everyone else is or is not doing it!  Many of my friends got married in their early to mid 20's.  Did that mean that I should have settled for any guy that came along just so I could "be married like everyone else"?  Absolutely not!  I'm SO glad I didn't do that and waited for my Mr. Right!  God has been So Faithful to me and to us! :)

4. To get unconditional love.  First of all, God is the only person that can give pure unconditional love!  Second of all, if we want unconditional love, we can get a dog!  Having kids is about the kids and what we can do for them, what we get from them is just an added bonus!

*****We <3 Being "Aunt Jenny & Uncle Jonathan"!*****
We Are The Coolest Aunt & Uncle Ever, and Humble Too! :)

My Life 5 Years Ago - Then vs. Now

My Life 5 Years Ago - May 1st, 2007

• I was unemployed.
• I relocated back to my hometown of South Bend, IN which meant leaving behind 15 years worth of friends.
• I had been denied unemployment (which I eventually fought and won) so I had no income coming in for over 3 months.
• My Grandmother was gracious enough to let me live with her.
• My Mom's cancer was in her bones.
• I was single and thought I would never find the right guy!
• That July my Nephew was diagnosed with a heart condition which was a birth defect that wasn't caught until he was almost 13 years old.  He had major open heart surgery that September.
• The economy in South Bend/Elkhart IN was awful.  It took me a year of looking to get 1 job offer.  After unemployment ran out (I got it for only 6 months), I took a waitressing job in the meantime to pay the bills.  I would cry if I got jipped on a tip b/c I really needed the money.
• Life was extremely difficult.
• Life was lonely.
• It didn't help matters any that I had the "I'm the victim" mentality, in fact it made my situation worse.
• I was not emotionally healthy.
• I understood that God loved me in my head, but not in my heart.

My Life Now - May 1st, 2012

• I have been working at the same job for 4 years and 1.5 months.
• I have been married for almost 10 months to a man I met thru said job. Our 1st date was almost 2.5 years after I moved back to South Bend.
• My Nephew Trey is doing great!  God spared his life and his last check-up with the cardiologist showed everything looks great!
• I saw an amazing Christian Counselor for about 2 years and 3 months and worked on my issues.
• I have been with my same Small Group for over 4 years.  They have helped me to grow and with God's help to overcome my former "victim mentality", although it still is my first nature and I still fight it!
• Overall, I am emotionally healthy now.
• I am not lonely.  I have Jonathan and lots of friends, both old and new!
• My husband and I plan on being debt free sometime this Summer.
• Life is challenging, but is no longer extremely difficult.
• I wish I could say my Mom's cancer battle is over, and that she is in remission, however she continues to fight the battle!  She is the strongest woman I know and has been a Survivor for over 12 years and 2 months!
• My relationship with my Savior is strong and growing! I know he loves ME unconditionally!

The Moral of my story is:  God has a plan for your life and even if things aren't going so great now, it doesn't mean things will be like that forever.  My life didn't magically get better overnight.  It took many years of perseverance and hard work.  I am in a great season in my life now, so I'm going to appreciate it for as long as it lasts.  My hope is that the next time I hit hard times in my life, that I will "Praise Him in the storm".

I Am SO Excited For My 2nd Baptism on Easter, April 8th, 2012!!!

Ever since my Dad passed away on December 8th, 1999, Easter has been my favorite Holiday!  Why?  Because of the comfort the Resurrection brings, and what it means in the life and death of Christians. My Dad loved the Lord and trusted in Jesus as his Savior.  I know I will see my Dad again in heaven.  On December 11th, 1999, we said "good-bye" to my Dad, but it really wasn't good-bye.  It was more like "see you later!".  I know I will see him again when I get to heaven! :) 

A few weeks ago at Church, they mentioned they were going to have Baptism on Easter weekend this year.  I had been considering getting baptized again for a few years, but when I heard it was going to be done on Easter Sunday, I knew this was my time!  What better way to spend my favorite Holiday, then by getting Baptized?! :)

I am SO thankful that my parents raised me in the Christian faith!  I was baptized the 1st time at only a few weeks old.  My 2nd Baptism will in no way diminish my 1st Baptism.  If anything, it shows that my parents raised me to love Jesus and to follow him.  I am very thankful for that!

So what does my 2nd Baptism mean to me?  It does not mean salvation. I know I am going to heaven because I believe in Jesus as my Savior.  I believe Jesus saves, not that baptism saves.  I like the way my Pastor says that we cannot choose Baptism without Christ already having worked in our hearts.  I cannot on my own choose to follow Him.  No one can come to faith in Christ on his/her own!  I'm thankful my Pastor and my Church believe that.  My Pastor suggested we read and study the Apostles Creed prior to getting baptized.  That is what my Church believes. That is what I believe.  To me, my 2nd Baptism is an outward symbol of my inward commitment to Christ. It is my way of saying "Here is what God has already done for me! I am committed to following Him!" Just like my Marriage to Jonathan was my public display of my commitment to love, honor, and cherish him for the rest of my life, so my Baptism is my public display of my commitment to follow Christ for the rest of my life.  By the way, I am getting baptized on the 9 month anniversary of our marriage.  The 8th was the day dad died, but now the 8th will hold happier memories!  I married the love of my life on the 8th, and I will be Baptized again on Easter Sunday, which is also the 8th! :)

On April 8th, 2012, I will be picturing the Lord saying to me "This is my daughter, whom I love, with her I am well pleased!",  just as He said to Jesus when He was Baptized at the start of his public ministry.  I am so thankful that my Husband, my friends Sarah & Mike, and my Church family will be there to support me!

I wish you all a Blessed Easter filled with His love! :)

Things I Don't Miss/Do Miss About Being Single

There are pros and cons to every stage of life!  I am SO thankful God sent me my "Mr. Right" in his PERFECT timing!  I was 37 and a half and 5 days old when I got married.  In a week we will have been married for 8 months already!  Time sure flies!  Here are some of the things I don't miss/do miss about being single.  I had PLENTY of time to be single, so even though there are some things I miss, I am overall so much more content being married to Jonathan and having his love, support, stability and encouragement!  I'm just SO glad I didn't settle just to have someone in my life!  Making the changes/sacrifices it takes to be married are well worth it for the right person!  Here is a picture of us which was taken on our honeymoon.

 

Don't Miss:

1. Looking at every guy that I knew//met, who happened to be single, as a potential love interest. 
2. Feeling like I didn't "belong".
3. Being asked if I was dating anyone (as if I wasn't ok just being me) over and over and over again.
4. Feeling especially lonely, and feeling like my singleness was accentuated over the Holidays.
5. Knowing that no one would know if I lived or died on my way home, since I lived alone for most of my single years, unless I didn't show up for work for a few days.
6. The uncertainty of dating. (Do I or don't I plan for a future with this person?)
7. Having no one to rely on consistently.
8. Flying solo in a "couple's world".
9. Not having companionship, oftentimes not having anyone to do stuff with.

Do Miss:

1. Having the apartment all to myself so that I could have a girlfriend over to hang out/drink wine/talk without having to go anywhere.  Now we meet for dinner/coffee/walking somewhere in public.  Unless of course, my friend happens to be single.
2. Having total control of the remote control and what I wanted to watch on TV.  
3. Being able to come and go as I pleased without having to let anyone know.
4. Feeling like God's purpose for me was for me to minister to other singles.  I know I still can, but sometimes I think singles may not be able to relate to me as much now that I'm married.
5. Having more time to blog.
6. Having more time to keep in touch with friends. 
7. Making purchases/not making purchases without having to consult anyone.

Can you relate to any of these pros & cons?  Please leave your comments!  I would love to hear from you! :)