I'm a Runner

You probably read the title to this blog and said "I didn't know Jen ran, in fact, she doesn't strike me as the Athletic type at all!" Well, you would be correct, I do not run athletically!

It took me 33/34 years to realize I'm a runner. I've tried to run from myself all of these years. It also took me 33/34 years to realize that I CAN'T run from myself and my problems, no matter how hard I try! Even though I've learned this truth about myself, I still need others to point it out to me when that's what I'm doing. I'm thankful that my Women's Small Group last evening pointed this out to me, in a very loving way! I missed the past 2 weeks of this Small Group, and I could really tell that I needed to "get grounded" again. I didn't even recognize that I was trying to run again, until it was pointed out to me. Then I had another "AHA" moment.

I haven't felt happy the past few weeks and I wanted to plan a get-away in August to get away from it all. Externally things in my life are great! I have a steady income, good job, great friends and family, etc. It's inside, that I'm not feeling happy at all. I was just getting a bit ahead financially where I was going to be able to take a mini-vacation. However, on my way back from Fort Wayne, IN yesterday afternoon, I got a speeding ticket. I was so mad at myself and cried a lot. This was just the "straw that broke the camel's back". It's this discontentment inside of me that makes me think my problems are external, when they are not. What am I running from? I'm not entirley sure! If I had that all figured out and dealt with, I probably wouldn't be trying to run anymore! So anyways, I think this "getting caught speeding" thing was God's way of telling me not to run away. A few people also pointed out that maybe the speeding ticket was God's way of preventing a tragedy from occurring. In the grand scheme of things, it could have been much worse!

I do have 3 work days off at the end of August, but I think I'll stick close to home, and not run. I'll continue to pray that God helps me to deal with what I need to deal with, and not try to run! He's not letting me run anymore! :)

I'm SO VERY thankful for my Sunday evening Women's Study Group! You know who you are! I know I've grown a lot over the past few months, but I have a long ways to go! I'm so glad we are on this Journey together! :) Please keep holding me accountable!