I'm Weary

     I'll spare you the long history my family has had with loss and cancer.  If you follow me at all, I'm pretty much an open book, so you likely already know what we have been through, and if you don't know, this blog will fill you in. 

     My Stepdad, Don, has had 2-3 jobs for many years to help pay for my Mom's medical bills.  He is the hardest worker I know.  Nine days ago he had a grand mal seizure while at work.  He was rushed via ambulance to the ER at the closest hospital.  He was released 2 days later (his 56th Birthday).  His life changed that day.  He had to take a leave of absence from his part-time job because he drives forklift there, and legally one can't drive in the State of IN, until he/she has been seizure free for 6 months.  Since the EEG showed significant seizure activity in his brain the following day, he was put on a very strong seizure med.  His body is still recovering from the seizure and the med is taking longer for his body to adjust to than we had hoped.  It is because of this, that he is still out of work, and it is unknown as to how much longer he will be out.  It can take weeks for a body to adjust to this high of a dosage of a seizure med.  His company does not offer short term disability insurance, so if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid.  Mom retired a few years ago (she is now 64) due to her health issues.  Last Thursday Mom got her scan results.  She had a scan the day Don had his seizure.  The results showed 3 new tumors on her spine, explaining why she is in so much pain.  She is already doing radiation for cancer in other parts of her body.  Now she has even more radiation and is taking a chemo pill.   Needless to say, they have lots of medical bills, with little income.

     I'm not gonna lie.  This really sucks.  It sucks for them to have to go thru this, and it sucks for me. and those who love them, to know they are going thru this.  If you love someone, your heart hurts when they are hurting.  I wish I could make it all better for them, but I can't.  If you've lost a parent and/or had a parent that was very sick, you know how much it can weigh on your mind.  It's really too much to handle to have Mom have cancer, Don dealing with the aftermath of his seizure and my BIL's very serious cancer.  So yes....I'm going to be honest and I'm going to be real.  I'm tired and I'm weary.  I'm angry that my Family has had so much heartache.  Yes. I know others have it worse.  Yes.  I know God is in control.  I know ALL of this, but it still sucks.  Being an Adult is hard.  Working Full Time is hard.  Working Full Time with so many close loved ones with major illnesses, well.....it's hard...very, very hard.  It's making my depression worse. 

     We are a strong Family, but we are human.  I am weary.  We are weary.  I just pray for peace and I'm going to give myself permission to feel however I feel.  Thank you to my Small Group Friends for letting me be REAL tonight and for validating my feelings of being overwhelmed with life right now.

     Please keep us in your prayers.  If you feel led to donate money towards Mom and Don's Medical bills, and to make up for some of Don's lost income, you can do so here.

     John 11:35 - "Jesus Wept".  Yep, I shed lots of tears tonight.  Praying for God to lift my spirits, and to provide strength and comfort to my Family, especially my Mom.